Sticky Learning Lunches #24: Having a Mental Health Conversation Bothers Me

Use this 4-part model of M.I.N.D to have an effective mental health conversation. This is especially important when working from home.

You Can Read the Full Transcript Below:

Nathan Simmonds:

Good afternoon. Welcome to Steady Learning Lunches with me, Nathan Simmons. It is Thursday. We're just waiting for the last few people to join the room. Just gonna keep an eye on them as they're coming in. Give it 30 more seconds just to make sure we're all here. Good afternoon everyone. Vicki, great to see you. Tracy, Samantha, good to see you again. Carolina, Jason, Gabrielle, Darren, Colin, you know what?

Nathan Simmonds:

There's a whole crowd of regulars in here and I'm really liking this. Get more and more people coming into these sessions and staying in these sessions, which is lovely. Good to see you too. Hello. Hello. You can say hello by the way, if you want to type hello and say hello to me. It is allowed. I like the engagement. I like to know that you are there and paying attention and all that. What are we covering today? Let's get into this.

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Nathan Simmonds:

Just as last few people turn out. Let's say make sure that everyone we're setting everyone up for success as we're doing this. As always, first things first, mobile phones. Let's make sure they're all on flight mode so we're not getting distracted. A hundred percent attention on you and what you are learning. Second thing is making sure you've got a drink hydrated, ready to go, and also making sure that you've got a fresh page in the pad ready to go as well.

Nathan Simmonds:

Good afternoon, Tracy. Clean sheet. At the top of the page you're gonna write keepers and these are the things you want to keep hold of. These are the things you wanna remember that you, when you go back and read those notes, it's gonna remind you and reinvigorate that thinking and come up with new ideas to keep the learning going and keep it sticky.

Nathan Simmonds:

Okay, let's go in and other people can arrive as we get into this. Welcome everyone to today's Sticky Learning Lunch with me. Nathan Simmons, senior leadership coach and trainer at MBM, making Business Matter, home of Sticky Learning. We are the provider of leadership development and soft skills to the grocery and manufacturing industry. I do with these lunches help you be the best version of you right now from where you are working from home and preparing to return to work in the near future. Let's dive into this. Today we're gonna be covering the D in the mind model

Nathan Simmonds:

Before we even get into it, how is everyone feeling? We've hit Thursday, we've covered some core co. We've covered some, you know, pretty, um, pinpoint content this week. How are we feeling at the moment about working from home Isolation? I wish it was another four day week, Vicki, that could be arranged if you want. How is everyone feeling? I must say great today has a bit of cabin fever by Monday and Tuesday. Absolutely, but now it's great. Nice poor start, but recovering well. So good just about now. Nice, Colin. Good. Took an hour out to tie the garage and needed some variety.

Nathan Simmonds:

Sometimes we need to do this and quite frankly, Tracy, I cannot show you the state of my office right now. It has been a very creative week talking to a lot of people and my variety is gonna be later on today actually just clearing down my office and getting it back to some sort of normal good. Mental health is all about conversations. It's all about having the different conversations and just checking in with each other and checking in with ourselves and seeing how we feel and what we need quick flash through. Then Monday, the m is all about mindset, yours and theirs.

Nathan Simmonds:

The I is all about importance. Where are you putting it? Where is the focus and the importance of making sure that mind the mindset is the number one element we're looking at because we can't move through the rest of the mind model until that mindset is in the right place.

Nathan Simmonds:

The n is all about network. It's all about you, the team, and the support that those individuals can get. So whether it's for your own mental health, who do you get support from, whether it's for someone in your team or someone in your charge. How you help them understand where they can get that support from, what role models they've got, who can they learn from, who can they speak to? And at the same time, as I said yesterday, if that person isn't right and they're not getting the benefits of it from that situation, from that relationship, how do they then speak to another counselor or another support mechanism to still keep that forward? Momentum.

Nathan Simmonds:

This is about network. The D is all about direction. It's all about the action. When we've got an understanding of kind of the, the, the mindset and we've got that person centered back to where they are, they've deescalated the emotions, the breathing, they've shifted the importance away from the thing that's causing the anxiety or, or the flashback or whatever. They can see. They've got community and connection, then we can put the directions in place. It's important to understand

Nathan Simmonds:

That what we have in this is the necessity to act. Mental health in the majority is still very stigmatized. It's still stereotyped. It's yes, it's a million times better than it ever was, but at the same time it is still, um, there are still challenges and frustrations in there. Leaders don't want to have the conversation 'cause they worry, they may say something wrong or they may put a foot wrong or they cause a problem. But as I've said before, you can say anything to anybody as long as it's done with absolute love and respect. As long as you are being a human, you will treat people humanely.

Nathan Simmonds:

So the idea is that when we understand there is mental health conversation that happens, we need to act. Why? 'cause action creates traction. The moment that you put one foot in front of the other or one foot in front, first of all and take the step, it then encourages more momentum. It then encourages the next part and so on and so forth. So the idea with the direction is understanding all these parts is two key questions that we can start to ask. I'm gonna run out a whiteboard on this screen in a minute. I'm gonna have to turn the laptop around. Two types of questions we can ask on a WN and or a WE.

Nathan Simmonds:

This one I've pulled out of coaching habits by Michael Bunga. Wherever that book has gone, these mean two things. Means and what next and or means and what else? Two incredibly simple, incredibly powerful questions that are gonna help you get to the heart of a situation. Because when we're dealing with mental health and in fact physical health in major situations, there isn't one thing that you do. But I'm Susan, thank you for reminding me. I thought I was gonna remember that today we're on big swing. Good, thank you.

Nathan Simmonds:

Regardless of whether it's physical or mental health or wherever you are, there isn't one size that fits all. If you have a cold or the flu, what do you do? Gimme some examples of things that you do to help get over a cold. Let's see them in the, in the questions box. If you've got a cold, what do you do? Sleep. Take medicine. What else? Lem sip, hot bath soup. RST, gym it out. Drugs. Legal. I hope there was a caveat on that. Rest, gargle. TTP cup. What? So we have here, you know, 10 different things that we can do. Do you do just one of them when you've got a cold?

Nathan Simmonds:

Do you just go, oh, I'll have a hot bath that will, that will make it better? No, and I know what the answer is, that you do all of them. You do the leip, you do the tissues, you blow your nose, you go to bed, you do this, you do as many as you can get your hands on because you know it's the right thing to do to help you get over it. But it's the same with our mental health as well as our physical health. There isn't one thing that we do that is gonna fix it. We have to have a layer and we have to have multiple actions that are gonna keep us moving forward. Often though, when we are working with people in, in, in high states of, of stress, and then it's very difficult for them to see the multiple elements.

Nathan Simmonds:

And we'll talk about that in a minute. And it's asked as leaders and HR professionals and support people to ask some different questions to help people see this in the different way. To understand where there are different options. Because as the mental health escalates, the our, our ability to think logically and soundly and come up with new alternative starts to shrink and starts to depreciate. So therefore we'll be lucky if we can come up with one answer. And it's for us as the leaders to nurture and support and, and help that person give the perspective, shift the focus and come up with some new alternatives.

Nathan Simmonds:

The simple questions that we ask. And what next or, and what else? Super easy. Let me give you three stories that I thought about earlier. Help you understand the power of these questions and when we use them, one comes back to mindset. Last week we had Jeff Birch here in talking, in talking and sharing around sales. And the thing that he shared with me a few weeks ago was this quote.

Nathan Simmonds:

And I, I'm gonna cherish this for a very long time, and if you haven't heard this before, now is the time to write it down. A change inflicted is a change resisted, and it's the same with mental health, uh, and personal and work and whatever. So remember that if you haven't been down, do now do so now a change inflicted is a change. Resisted. So we're on the allotment. I'm a king gardener.

Nathan Simmonds:

I like to grow vegetables and, and it gives us a chance to get out,