Mentoring IRL

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Guest: Celeste Warren

In this episode of Mentoring in Real Life, hosts Bill Bonwit and Angela Falcini welcome Celeste Warren to discuss how mentoring helps people grow, navigate organizational challenges, and achieve their professional aspirations.

Celeste explains that diversity encompasses the many differences that make each person unique, including skills, experiences, identities, strengths, and obstacles. She emphasizes that recognizing and understanding those differences isn't simply a diversity initiative—it's good management, good leadership, and good business. Regular one-on-one conversations help leaders understand their employees, build trust, identify barriers, and support individual success.

The conversation explores how to find the right mentors, why mentees must take responsibility for their own development, and why having multiple mentors can be more valuable than relying on just one person. Celeste also shares lessons, including why formal mentoring programs often struggle when organizations assign relationships without considering individual needs, aspirations, or personal chemistry.

Key Takeaways

• Start with trust. Regular, honest conversations help managers understand their employees' strengths, aspirations, and challenges while building the trust necessary to navigate difficult times together.
• Make mentoring about the mentee. Effective mentoring isn't about a mentor's status or ego. It's about understanding what the mentee needs and determining how the mentor's experience, knowledge, and position can help.
• Be specific about your goals. Rather than simply aspiring to a particular title, understand what kind of work, responsibilities, and organizational role you want—and why.
• Build a personal board of directors. Different mentors can provide guidance on leadership, career advancement, navigating organizational culture, and personal challenges.
• Look beyond similarities. Mentors don't have to share your background or identity to help you succeed. At the same time, mentors with similar experiences can offer valuable perspectives on challenges others may not fully understand.
• Find advocates as well as mentors. Advocates can help create opportunities and champion your career development, even when you don't see people with backgrounds similar to yours in senior leadership.
• Take a thoughtful approach to finding mentors. New employees can seek introductions through trusted colleagues and managers. Before reaching out, reflect on what you want to learn and why you chose that particular person.
• Create mentoring opportunities without forcing relationships. Organizations should provide frameworks, resources, and opportunities for people to connect rather than relying on top-down assignments that may not work.
• Make mentoring part of the culture. Leaders can normalize mentoring by sharing their own experiences, encouraging development conversations, and making mentoring a natural part of employee development.
• Don't let shyness hold you back. Asking for guidance is an investment in your growth, not an imposition on someone else.

For more information about Celeste and her work:

https://crwdiversity.com/

https://www.linkedin.com/in/celestewarrenllc/

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Angela noticed the same problem surfacing across four unrelated teams in a single week: corrosive gossip. In this unscripted conversation, she and Bill dig into the critical difference between venting—getting emotion off your chest as a first step toward resolution—and gossip, which is talking about someone with the intent to damage their reputation rather than ever addressing them directly. Bill shares a mentoring tool for separating "what actually happened" from the story we invent about it, and both agree that unresolved conflict leads people to silently label coworkers, poisoning future interactions and draining energy that could go toward the work itself. The takeaway: gossip is corrosive because it replaces real conversation with a fabricated narrative that never gets resolved. The fix is choosing to talk to people, not about them, and owning your own reactions instead of blaming others for how you feel.

• Gossip is pervasive across teams from multiple industries
• The key distinction between venting (processing emotion as a first step) and gossip (talking about someone with intent to damage their reputation)
• Why venting alone doesn't solve anything… it's the starting point, not the destination
• Bill's mentoring technique: separating "what actually happened" from "the story you told yourself about what happened"
• A classic self-improvement exercise of drawing two circles ("your story" and "what happened") to find the truth in a conflict
• How unresolved gossip lets people mentally "label" a coworker, poisoning every future interaction
• Bill's take: you don't have to like your teammates, but you're responsible for behaving professionally with them
• Recognizing whether a conversation is meant to vent or to solve, before it starts
• Why you can't blame others for your own emotional reactions; you choose how you respond

• Gossip aims to damage someone's reputation; venting aims to process emotion en route to a real conversation
• Venting is a necessary first step, but stopping there solves nothing
• Focus on what was actually said or done, not the story you've built around it
• Unaddressed conflict causes people to silently label coworkers, eroding trust and slowing teams down
• You're responsible for behaving professionally with teammates, even ones you don't personally like
• No one "makes" you feel a certain way—you choose your response, and that choice is yours to own
• Naming the kind of conversation you want up front—venting or solution-focused—can defuse tension
• Talk to people, not about them, if you actually want to resolve a conflict

• Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus by John Gray — https://www.johngray.com/
• The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey (referenced: Habit 1, "Be Proactive") — https://www.franklincovey.com/the-7-habits/

Team leads and managers dealing with gossip or low-trust dynamics on their team, anyone who's caught themselves venting about a coworker without ever talking to that person, and professionals looking for practical language to distinguish venting from gossip in their own conversations.

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What do you do when you disagree with your boss or customer? Speaking up can feel intimidating, particularly when the other person has significantly more authority or when the disagreement occurs in front of others.

In this episode, Angela Falcini and Bill Bonwit explore how mentors can help people navigate these difficult conversations. The goal isn't to “win” an argument. It's to understand the situation, contribute your perspective, find the best solution, and strengthen the relationship along the way.

Disagreement doesn't have to be combat. Instead, approach it as collaborative fact-finding. Rather than trying to prove the other person wrong, seek to understand their reasoning and constraints.

That mindset can reduce anxiety and make it easier to have a productive conversation. Remember: discomfort is normal. As Bill emphasizes, getting comfortable being uncomfortable is part of growing as a leader.

Get curious first.

Ask questions such as, “What's driving the timeline?” or “How did we land on this approach?” Genuine curiosity may uncover information you don't have—budget constraints, executive commitments, deadlines, or other factors influencing the decision.

Separate the person from the position.

You can strongly disagree with an idea while remaining respectful toward the person presenting it.

Acknowledge their concerns.

Try identifying what you believe is driving the decision. This demonstrates that you've considered their perspective and gives them an opportunity to clarify.

Present concerns as questions, not verdicts.

Instead of saying, “I think this is the wrong direction,” try, “Help me understand how this holds up if X happens.” Questions invite collaboration rather than defensiveness.

Bring an alternative.

Don't simply identify a problem. Offer a potential path forward. Even an imperfect alternative demonstrates that you're invested in solving the problem rather than simply criticizing the decision.

Use the power of silence.

After making your case, give your boss time to process what you've said. Resist the temptation to immediately fill the silence or soften your position. Listening carefully—and allowing the other person to finish—can take much of the tension out of the conversation.

Be prepared to accept “no.”

Your boss may have information you don't have or may simply weigh the factors differently. If you've presented your concerns thoughtfully and the decision remains unchanged, that isn't a failure. Successfully voicing your perspective can actually build trust for future conversations.

The real development comes after the conversation. Mentors should encourage mentees to ask:

• What worked?
• What surprised me?
• What would I do differently next time?

Mentees can also build confidence by observing experienced leaders handle disagreement in real time. Watching how a leader manages tone, pacing, questions, and awkward moments can teach lessons that no framework can fully capture.

Productive disagreement is ultimately about trust. When your boss knows that you're pushing back because you genuinely want the organization and team to succeed—not because you simply want to be right—your credibility grows.

The objective isn't to win the disagreement. It's to understand, contribute, and help the organization succeed.

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Bill and Angela dig into one of the core values their former organization built its culture around: "Do the right thing." While avoiding illegal, unethical, or immoral choices seems obvious, most real-world decisions are far more nuanced, involving no clear "right answer," just competing priorities around a project, a customer, or a company. They explore why integrity, not intelligence or title, is what actually earns trust, and share practical tools (like the Newspaper, Sleep, Mentor, and Legacy tests) for navigating tough calls. The takeaway: your reputation isn't built in easy moments.. it's built in the difficult ones, one small choice at a time, and character is the competitive advantage that outlasts every title or paycheck.

• Why "doing the right thing" became a core organizational value, illustrated by Medal of Honor recipient Britt Slabinski's split-second decision under fire
• The difference between clear-cut ethical/legal decisions and nuanced ones with no obvious "right" answer
• A real story of a consultant who "fired" a client to protect a long-term trusted relationship over short-term revenue
• Four practical tests for evaluating tough decisions: the Newspaper Test, the Sleep Test, the Mentor Test, and the Legacy Test
• How small compromises ("just this once," "no one will notice") erode integrity over time
• Why doing the right thing often requires courage and humility: speaking up, admitting mistakes, saying no to authority
• Navigating decisions where reasonable people disagree (the Apple vs. Microsoft office example) and the importance of disagree-and-commit
• Daily habits that build a trustworthy reputation over a career

• Competence earns respect; character earns trust (and trust is the foundation of every successful relationship)
• Not every "right" decision is a moral one; many are simply a choice among options with no single correct answer, shaped by your position in the organization
• Use the Newspaper, Sleep, Mentor, and Legacy tests to pressure-test a hard decision
• Integrity is rarely lost all at once; it erodes through small, seemingly harmless exceptions
• Doing the right thing sometimes means the harder path: speaking up, admitting mistakes, or saying no to someone with more authority
• When a decision doesn't go your way and it wasn't unethical, the right move is to disagree, then commit. It’s not to disengage or quietly quit
• Simple daily habits (keeping promises, admitting mistakes quickly, telling the truth, treating people with respect) compound into a lifelong reputation
• People remember how you treated them and whether they could trust you far longer than they remember your projects or titles

• Britt Slabinski, Medal of Honor recipient, Master Chief Special Warfare Operator — https://www.cmohs.org/recipients/britt-k-slabinski

Anyone navigating career decisions where the "right" answer isn't obvious—early-career professionals building their reputation, managers and leaders making calls that affect teams and customers, and anyone who wants practical, actionable frameworks for making decisions they can stand behind.

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• Why new teams need clarity before speed
• Creating a team charter that establishes purpose, roles, and expectations
• Conducting trust-building exercises and one-on-one conversations
• Establishing communication norms before problems arise

• Why conflict is inevitable—and healthy
• The difference between productive disagreement and destructive conflict
• Recognizing "artificial harmony" before it undermines the team
• Using structured debate and respectful dissent to improve decisions
• Reading body language and addressing issues before they escalate

• Moving from leader-driven accountability to peer accountability
• Turning "disagree and commit" into everyday practice
• Reinforcing team norms that support long-term success
• Allowing the team to own schedules, commitments, and outcomes
• Preventing comfort from becoming complacency

• Shifting the leader's role from directing work to removing obstacles
• Measuring collective results instead of individual activity
• Developing future leaders by rotating responsibilities
• Conducting regular team health check-ins
• Recognizing when organizational change requires returning to the fundamentals

• Every team progresses through predictable stages of development.
• Trust is the foundation that enables healthy conflict and stronger performance.
• Healthy conflict focuses on ideas—not people.
• Peer accountability creates stronger commitment than leader-enforced accountability.
• Leaders should gradually shift from managing internal team dynamics to protecting the team from external distractions.
• Organizational changes, new team members, and shifting priorities often move teams back into earlier development stages—and that's normal.
• The more trust a team has, the faster they work—and the lower the overall cost.

• The Speed of Trust by Stephen M. R. Covey
• The Five Dysfunctions of a Team by Patrick Lencioni

• Develop a written team charter early.
• Hold one-on-one meetings with every new team member.
• Normalize respectful disagreement.
• Watch body language—not just spoken words.
• Let teams participate in setting their own commitments.
• Track outcomes rather than activity.
• Schedule recurring conversations about how the team is working together.
• Revisit trust-building whenever the team changes.

Think about a team you're currently leading—or one you're mentoring.

• Which stage of development is the team in today?
• What leadership behaviors are needed most right now?
• What's one action you can take this week to help the team move toward higher performance?

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Angela and Bill explore how personality and behavioral assessments (like DISC, Myers-Briggs, Hogan, the Big Five, and CliftonStrengths) can help mentors guide their mentees toward becoming more self-aware and effective leaders. They share personal stories of how these tools revealed their own blind spots, Bill's tendency to be perceived as "mad" when he's just passionate, and Angela's resting expression not matching her actual focus, and how adjusting behavior based on that insight changed how their teams received them.

The key takeaway: personality assessments aren't meant to predict success or gatekeep promotions. They're conversation starters. Used well, they give mentors and mentees a shared vocabulary to discuss tendencies, adjust behavior, and build stronger, more self-aware teams.

• Defining personality/behavioral assessments and why Angela and Bill care about their practical value over scientific debate
• How assessments support self-awareness as leaders scale from individual contributors to managing larger teams
• How understanding personality differences helps leaders adapt feedback style, one-on-one formats, and how they draw out quieter voices
• How assessments build complementary leadership teams and improve cross-team communication
• The limitations of personality assessments: they don't predict success, measure competence, or account for context and growth
• An overview of popular assessment tools: Big Five, Hogan, DISC, Myers-Briggs, and CliftonStrengths
• Why teams don't need a big formal rollout to benefit, individuals can take low-cost assessments on their own to start the conversation

• Assessments reveal tendencies, not fixed destiny. Leaders can choose to modify their behavior once they understand their default patterns.
• What matters in communication is what's received, not what's intended. Passion can be received as anger; focus can be received as displeasure.
• Teams with too much of one personality type (e.g., all highly dominant) risk burnout, unchecked pace, and conflict without anyone working to hold the team together.
• Effective leaders adjust how they motivate and communicate with each person while keeping accountability and expectations consistent.
• These tools should never be used for hiring, promotion, or performance decisions. They lack the accuracy to predict success and don't measure intelligence, judgment, or competence.
• Assessments are most valuable as a shared vocabulary and a conversation starter between mentors and mentees, not a definitive label.

• Big Five (Five Factor Model) — scientifically validated personality model widely used in academic research and organizational psychology
• Hogan Assessments — used in executive development, focused on strengths, behavior under stress, and "dark side" derailing traits
• DISC Assessment — measures Dominance, Inspiration (Influence), Steadiness, and Conscientiousness; widely used for team communication
• Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) — 16-type model popular for workshops and self-reflection
• CliftonStrengths (Gallup) — strengths-based assessment used for role fit and team dynamics conversations

Mentors, managers, and emerging leaders anyone curious about using personality assessments to improve team communication and dynamics.

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What happens when you're identified as a future leader just a few years into your career? It can be exciting—but it can also feel overwhelming. In this episode, Bill Bonwit and Angela Falcini discuss the mindset shifts, experiences, and leadership skills that help high-potential professionals grow into leadership roles successfully.

The biggest takeaway? You don't need to have all the answers—you need to be committed to learning.

Whether you're an emerging leader, an experienced manager mentoring new talent, or someone preparing for the next step in your career, this conversation offers practical guidance for accelerating your professional growth.

• Why confidence should never become overconfidence
• How to build a "personal board of directors" with mentors, sponsors, and peer advisors
• The value of shadowing senior leaders and learning how executive decisions are made
• Why understanding finance, strategy, operations, and customer experience makes you a stronger leader
• Leadership skills you should develop before becoming a manager
• The importance of coaching, delegation, conflict resolution, and giving effective feedback
• How stretch assignments accelerate career growth
• Asking for developmental feedback that actually helps you improve
• Building executive communication and presentation skills
• Why storytelling, negotiation, and active listening are leadership superpowers
• Adapting your communication style to different personalities
• The importance of cross-functional experience and organizational awareness
• The difference between mentors and sponsors—and why you need both
• Developing self-awareness through assessments, feedback, and reflection
• Maintaining technical credibility while expanding your leadership responsibilities
• Why great leaders ask questions—even when they think they know the answer

• Stay curious. Never assume you're the smartest person in the room.
• Seek mentors at multiple levels throughout your organization.
• Learn how the business works—not just your technical role.
• Practice leadership before receiving a leadership title.
• Volunteer for projects that stretch your skills and expand your visibility.
• Request specific, actionable feedback on a regular basis.
• Invest in communication, presentation, and negotiation skills.
• Build relationships across departments to better understand the organization.
• Develop self-awareness through reflection and structured feedback.
• Technical expertise opens doors; leadership skills determine how far you'll go.

• Manager Tools (https://manager-tools.com/)
• Toastmasters International (https://www.toastmasters.org/)
• Never Split the Difference by Chris Voss
• DISC Personality Assessment
• Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI)

• Early-career professionals identified as high-potential leaders
• New and aspiring managers
• Engineers and technical professionals transitioning into leadership
• Leaders developing future talent

Contact us:  [email protected]

Contact Mo Civers-Davis: [email protected]

Website: https://www.mociversdavis.com/

In this episode of Mentoring in Real Life, Angela Falcini and Bill Bonwit welcome Maurice "Mo" Civers Davis, keynote speaker, executive leadership coach, founder of Civers Davis Development LLC, and founder of Independence Foundry. A former federal leader, Mo shares insights on navigating career transitions, finding meaningful mentors, developing future leaders, and cultivating coachability.

Drawing from his own transition out of federal service and his work coaching professionals through workforce disruption, Mo discusses the importance of identity, purpose, community involvement, accountability, and asking powerful questions that help people discover their own answers.

Whether you're seeking a mentor, serving as one, or navigating a major career change, this conversation offers practical wisdom and inspiration.

• The emotional impact of leaving long-term careers in federal service or the military
• How career transitions often trigger a loss of identity.
• Leveraging your network during times of uncertainty and change.

Mo looks for three key qualities in mentors:

• Integrity
• Humility
• Demonstrated results

He emphasizes that finding mentors often begins with having the humility to ask for help—and being specific about what help you need.

Effective mentoring starts by:

• Understanding a person's current circumstances.
• Recognizing untapped potential.
• Helping individuals build confidence alongside skills and experience.

• Leadership extends beyond formal titles.
• Being actively involved in your community creates opportunities to mentor and influence others.
• People naturally gravitate toward leaders who genuinely care and contribute.

One of the episode's most powerful themes:

• Mentoring is not primarily about giving advice.
• Great mentors ask powerful questions.
• The goal is to help mentees discover answers that already exist within themselves.

As Mo explains, mentors should serve as mirrors, helping others see their own strengths, values, and possibilities.

• "What's important to you?"
• "Why is this important to you?"
• What are you willing to sacrifice to achieve that goal?"

1. Reconnect with your authentic self during times of transition.
2. Seek mentors who demonstrate integrity, humility, and results.
3. Be specific when asking for help.
4. Get involved in your community to create meaningful connections.
5. Ask powerful questions instead of immediately giving advice.
6. Identify your deeper "why" and let it guide your decisions.
7. Stay coachable, regardless of your experience level.
8. View failure as a learning opportunity rather than a setback.
9. Practice accountability as both a mentor and a mentee.
10. Lead through action, not titles.

Contact us:  [email protected]

In this episode of Mentoring in Real Life, Angela Falcini and Bill Bonwit sit down with keynote speaker and communication expert DeeDee Fisher, creator of the CPL Framework — Compassion, Process, and Learning.

Drawing from her upbringing in rural Idaho and decades as an entrepreneur and consultant, DeeDee shares how she developed a unique ability to recognize communication breakdowns and help people move beyond reactionary conversations. Together, they explore the role of curiosity, compassion, mentorship, and intentional dialogue in building stronger relationships and more effective teams.

The conversation dives into how mentors can shape our paths, why asking better questions matters more than having all the answers, and how slowing down creates space for creativity, trust, and meaningful growth.

• Communication often fails because people state positions instead of exchanging understanding.
• Curiosity is one of the most powerful tools for diffusing tension and improving dialogue.
• Great mentors help people see strengths and opportunities they may not recognize in themselves.
• Effective communication is a process, not a one-time interaction.
• Prioritizing meaningful conversations over constant busyness leads to better outcomes.
• Learning to say “I don’t know” is essential for personal and professional growth.
• Slowing down creates room for creativity, reflection, and deeper understanding.

• DeeDee Fisher’s CPL Framework
• Communication during conflict and uncertainty
• Mentorship and intergenerational learning
• Curiosity as a leadership skill
• Building authentic relationships
• Ego, humility, and growth
• The importance of slowing down
• Learning through feedback
• Creating space for creativity and reflection

00:00 – Introduction to DeeDee Fisher

01:15 – Growing up in rural Idaho

03:00 – Early lessons in communication

06:00 – Recognizing communication breakdowns

08:00 – The power of asking questions

11:00 – Mentors and learning from feedback

15:00 – Why mentorship matters

18:00 – Curiosity, humility, and growth

21:00 – The CPL Framework explained

24:00 – Prioritizing meaningful conversations

26:00 – Creativity, reflection, and slowing down

28:00 – Mentorship as a shared responsibility

31:00 – Final reflections and key takeaways

DeeDee Fisher is a keynote speaker, entrepreneur, and creator of the CPL Framework (Compassion, Process, and Learning). For more than three decades, she has helped leaders and organizations improve communication during moments of tension, uncertainty, and high stakes. Her work focuses on building trust, clarity, and meaningful dialogue that leads to better outcomes.

https://www.linkedin.com/in/deedee-fisher/

Website

discoverresponse.com

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Connect with Andrew on LinkedIn

The conversation delves into Andrew's career trajectory, education, transition to financial management, and his experience with formal and informal mentoring. It explores the evolution of formal mentoring programs, the importance of finding mentors, and the broader scope of mentoring beyond career development. Mentoring is seen as a holistic approach to personal and professional growth, adaptable to individual needs and available in various forms.

Takeaways

• Mentoring is not limited to career development and can encompass personal growth and learning from various sources.
• Formal mentoring programs can be adapted to fit the needs of the mentor and mentee, creating a more personalized and effective experience.
• Mentoring can be found in various forms, including books, podcasts, and informal conversations, and can extend beyond the workplace.

Chapters

• 00:00 Introduction and Guest Introduction
• 06:35 Interest in Financial Side of the House and IT Involvement
• 12:17 Determining Mentorship within the Organization and Shift in Mentoring Approach