Our story this week: Sideburns, zoot suits, and Fred Savage, these are the three omens that signaled Michelle Markowitz's late blooming into a wonderfully awkward young woman. Actually, you know what? Instead of describing this story, I will just tell you that it contains the line "He didn't deserve my Austin Powers quote."

So...

Michelle Markowitz is a comedy writer and storyteller in New York. She can be seen next month at Nights of Our Lives at UCB, and found online @michmarkowitz