Life On Mars

‘OK, let’s warm up with some simple questions. What's your favourite month, Jon?’

            ‘My favourite month?’

            ‘Yes, your favourite month.’

            ‘Owgost. Is easy!’

            ‘Owgost?’

            ‘Yes, Owgost.’

            ‘When's Owgost, Jon?’

            ‘When is Owgost?’

            ‘Yes. When's Owgost?’

            ‘After Julie.’

            ‘Julie?’

            ‘Yes, Julie.’

            ‘And when's Julie?’

            ‘When is Julie?’

            ‘Yes. When's Julie?’

            ‘You no know?’

            ‘No, I no know. Er, don't know, sorry.’

            ‘After Junie.’

            ‘Junie?’

            ‘Yes, Junie. After May, no?’

            ‘OK, thanks, Jon. Er, all right, can everyone repeat after me—’

            ‘AFTER ME.’

            ‘Ha ha ha. Now listen carefully . . . JUNE. JUNE. Everyone?’

            ‘JUNE.’

            ‘Good. And after June comes JuLY. JuLY. Everybody?’

            ‘JuLY.’

            ‘Good. And then the best month of the lot: AUgust. "OR"gust. Everyone?’

            ‘AUgust.’

            ‘Excellent! June, JuLY, AUgust. Together, please.’

            ‘JUNE, JuLY, AUgust.’

            ‘That's better! Now then, let’s see, er . . . So, Jon, what's your favourite month?’

            ‘Owgost. I say you! Why you no listen me?’

            ‘AUgust, Jon. AUgust.’

            ‘Yes. OWgost.’

            ‘Look, never mind, Jon. Er, how about you, Janet?’

            ‘How about?’

            ‘What's your favourite month?’

            ‘Mars.’

            ‘Mars?’

            ‘Yes, Mars.’

            ‘That's a planet, Janet.’

            ‘Sorry?’

            ‘Mars is a planet, Janet. Between the Earth and Jupiter. You can’t miss it.’

            ‘Estúpida?! Estupid you!’ . . .