MIND GAMES: Debbie Calvert, Guest Speaker

We need to change our thinking!

Book recommendation: Telling Myself the Truth by William Backus

"My thoughts trouble me and I am distraught." Psalm 55:2

"Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry." James 1:19

"You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed upon You, because he trusts in You." Isaiah 26:3

We need help with our emotions!

Our beliefs are the root of our thoughts. Thoughts create our feelings. Feelings control our actions.

"For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought and make it obedient to Christ." 2 Corinthians 10:3-5

10 Wrong Thought Patterns That Have Us Playing Mind Games

#1 Mercy-Killing (Grace)

1. Dichotomous thinkers = extreme thinking

2. Like a light switch – On or off – No in-between

3. Many rules and regulations--Uptight, lacking in joy

4. For one to define whether we are right or wrong, outside of God's Word, according to their myth of right or wrong or their upbringing is only their thought or opinion.

5. Mercy killer thinking (lack of grace) leaves two people living at two extremes of a continuum. One who has given up, labeling themselves a failure, and the other who is so critical of everyone else for not arriving though they inside are tiredly striving to arrive themselves.

#2 Finger Pointing: Blame

1. Adam blamed Eve. Eve blamed the serpent. And so it continues…

2. We often are continuously blaming others for our mental state or life circumstances.

3. Favorite Phrase: "If Only…"

4. 50/50 Rule: I own my feelings, attitudes, beliefs, behaviors, values, limits, talents, thoughts, and my desires

5. No one can take anything away from me or bring anything into my life unless I allow them to. They will attempt, but I, as the steward, with God as the manager, will take full responsibility for my life and life choices.

6. "But if we examine ourselves, we will not be examined by God and judged in this way. But when we are judged and disciplined by the Lord, we will not be condemned with the world." 1 Corinthians 11:31-32

#3 Faulty Hypotheses: Assumptions

1. A faulty conclusion is to assume that other people and the circumstances or events happening in our life are what are determining our feelings, mood, actions, and reactions.

2. A faulty conclusion is to assume that our past brings a shadow to our future and that we can never be free from it.

3. BIG PROBLEM = Assumptions are NEVER Truth!

4. God calls us to live free. The truth is that other people do not control our life but only do so if we let them!

5. "God is working in you, giving you the desire to obey him and the desire to do what pleases Him." Philippians 2:13

6. "In Him we were also chosen, having been predestined according to the plan of Him who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of His will." Ephesians 1:11

7. "For the Lord Almighty has purposed, and who can thwart him? His hand is stretched out, and who can turn it back?" Isaiah 14:27

#4 Oppressive Influence: The word "should"

1. When we think someone should do something and they don't, frustration is ours because they didn't do what we needed or wanted them to do.

2. The word should is a very dangerous word when we relate it to another person's behavior, or to our behavior.

3. The word "could" gives us and others a choice. It sets up no expectations yet offers freedom for the hearer to decide for themselves.

4. God does not even control or oppress us by should mentality. He lovingly lays down the rules and also the consequences. But the choice remains ours whether we choose to obey or not. He gives us the choice between life and death. He offers a gift to receive or reject.

5. "For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 6:23

#5 Chicken-Little Mentality: Exaggeration

1. Exaggeration problems = using words such as always, never, everybody, nobody, totally, completely, forever, etc.

2. We call this making mountains out of molehills.

3. We convince ourselves that unpleasant circumstances we face are major disasters.

4. There will always and forever be unpleasant circumstances in our lives as long as we live on earth. The good news is God always supplies the conjunction.

5. "…Hard pressed...BUT not crushed. Perplexed...BUT not in despair. Persecuted...BUT not abandoned. Struck down...BUT not destroyed." 2 Corinthians 4:8,9

6. "O Lord, I have so many enemies; so many are against me. So many are saying, 'God will never rescue him!' But You, O, Lord, are a shield around me, my glory, and the one who lifts my head high." Psalm 3:3

7. Humanly speaking, it is impossible. But with God…

8. "Everything is possible with God." Mark 10:27

#6 Sentimental Phobia – Feelings

1. Feelings are not truth. They are neither right nor wrong. Feelings are just feelings. How we act upon them makes all the difference.

2. Most people are afraid to express how they really feel because of the fear of rejection. Why?

3. We must have a certain level of security in who we are to be ready for the response of someone who wants to control how we feel.

4. It is dangerous to allow feelings to dictate our life. They are not to be at the "helm" of our ship.

5. Feelings of Jeremiah (Lamentations 3:1-20) "Yet I still dare to hope when I remember this: 'The unfailing love of the lord never ceases…..'" Lamentations 3:21

6. "I say to myself, 'The Lord is my inheritance; therefore I will hope in him.'" Lamentations 3:24

#7 Restricted Vision – Near-Sighted Negativity

1. We are good at magnifying our own personal weakness and failures.

2. We forget our positive qualities and characteristics and what we've done right.

3. We forget we are in process, that situations are working themselves out, people are growing up (maturing), and that we are on a journey, a long journey.

4. Make a list of positive things about you, buy yourself a present or do something fun to celebrate the wonderful person you are!

5. Learn to harness your handicaps. If you can't be a runner-up, try not to be a runner down of you or others. God doesn't ask you to be the best, He only asks you to do your best.

#8 Story Telling – Inference

1. We love to take the control by making up a story instead of being brave enough to get to the straight scoop or truth from the individual or about the event that occurred.

2. Cowardliness to confront or resolve issues often ruins relationships that God designed for good.

3. Misunderstanding due to miscommunication or no communication causes non-truths (lies) to circulate in our internal monologue, creating misperceptions (killers of relationships).

4. Honest conversation allows no wedges.

5. We often mind read, telling ourselves the thoughts and wishes of another person.

6. We must put away our own version of truth and find the truth! Why is that so hard to do? Afraid of rejection – desperate for love, acceptance, and approval.

#9 Name Calling – Labeling

1. A label tells us what is in the package. It often tells us the value of an item.

2. Overtime, what we label ourselves or others is what we will come to believe about us or them. What we believe will affect our thoughts then our feelings, then our behavior.

3. If we must label, let us never label the person but only the action.

4. God labels us! His labeling is allowed because His labels are truth!

5. Some people will believe anything that is whispered to them. Stop whispering bad labels and start whispering good ones! Accepted, Christ's friend, the redeemed, one adopted by God and complete in Christ. A son or daughter free from condemnation, salt and light of the earth, God's co-worker, God's workmanship, a new creation, and etc. and etc…

#10 Know it all – Future Telling

1. When we tell ourselves what the given outcome of a situation will be.

2. Hands on hip! Look yourself in the mirror and say, "Just who in the world do I think I am?"

3. In our mind, we make up the conclusion to the story, and we aren't even the Story-Writer!

4. When the chapters roll out, we often don't have a clue to the next paragraph.

5. We tell ourselves things like: "It's over." "I'm such a loser." "I'll never be able to do what's in my heart to do." "Johnny's never going to turn out right. He's always going to be a rebel. He just likes messing up my life. He'll never change." "She'll never forgive me." "He never should have done that because I'm never going to get over it."

6. When we tell ourselves the outcome of any given situation, we will forfeit and opportunity to walk in faith.

7. When we tell ourselves the outcome of any given situation, we also miss opportunities for relationship reconciliation.

Conclusion

What items do I need to discard from my mind, no longer hiding behind emotional difficulties, but lighter in my thinking, no longer playing mind games?

"When we lighten our load, we will then be able to be a person, "living a life worthy of the Lord, pleasing Him in every way; bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God." Colossians 1:10

We will not be working so hard at playing mind games but instead working diligently to know the Lord. That day by day our thought processes will be changed through our knowledge of Him and what He thinks of us, others and our circumstances!

For more information on Debbie Calvert and Focused On Real Life Ministries, please contact them at:

Debbie Calvert

Focused on Real Life Ministries

317-979-7554

[email protected]

www.debbiecalvert.org

For more information on the vision of Freedom Church, please visit our website at www. freedom-church.org.