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Mind reading and Assumptions
Do you remember the last time you were in conversation with a friend? As you remember a specific discussion, did you interrupt them and guess what they were going to say?
Why do we make assumptions? Why do we think that we know what's on the other person's mind? Why do we believe that their thoughts are the same as what we believe?
A common reason is that we listen to validate our thoughts and actions. We fail to understand that their model of the world and their perception of reality could be different.
We have around 60,000 thoughts in a day. Imagine if all of them did not make sense? Wouldn't that make us insane? So, for us to manage the next upcoming thought, it needs to make sense. Unconsciously, we have this rush to be correct and move on to the next.
Hence, we start filling the gaps in our understanding by interrupting and validating what the other person is saying. When this happens, the other person also feels the need to complete their statements. Usually, the result is that either you or the other person feels ignored or neglected.
One way to handle this is to acknowledge that we don't have all the answers. We should respect the other person's model of the world. We should give them a chance to finish.
Being curious and listening to understand is very important as it helps build trust, social connection and rapport.
So what can you do:
* Practice gratitude. Be thankful for the various people in your life sharing their experiences.
* Practice listening to "understand". Asking questions to validate your understanding is more ecological.
* When you are in a conversation, practice waiting for the other person to finish.
* Practice understanding why you have this need to validate? What would happen if you did not have to validate.
_We don't have to be right every time. The most important thing is to be understood._
*************************************
Share this message with your friends
https://chat.whatsapp.com/GioeEB7Osfz0VbeDO9cTba
*************************************
Chander Shankar
NLP Coach and Mentor
Enkindle and Empower Pty Ltd
http://www.enkindleandempower.com/
New messages shared every day by 8 AM Sydney Time.
****************************************
View all episodes
By Chander ShankarDo you remember the last time you were in conversation with a friend? As you remember a specific discussion, did you interrupt them and guess what they were going to say?
Why do we make assumptions? Why do we think that we know what's on the other person's mind? Why do we believe that their thoughts are the same as what we believe?
A common reason is that we listen to validate our thoughts and actions. We fail to understand that their model of the world and their perception of reality could be different.
We have around 60,000 thoughts in a day. Imagine if all of them did not make sense? Wouldn't that make us insane? So, for us to manage the next upcoming thought, it needs to make sense. Unconsciously, we have this rush to be correct and move on to the next.
Hence, we start filling the gaps in our understanding by interrupting and validating what the other person is saying. When this happens, the other person also feels the need to complete their statements. Usually, the result is that either you or the other person feels ignored or neglected.
One way to handle this is to acknowledge that we don't have all the answers. We should respect the other person's model of the world. We should give them a chance to finish.
Being curious and listening to understand is very important as it helps build trust, social connection and rapport.
So what can you do:
* Practice gratitude. Be thankful for the various people in your life sharing their experiences.
* Practice listening to "understand". Asking questions to validate your understanding is more ecological.
* When you are in a conversation, practice waiting for the other person to finish.
* Practice understanding why you have this need to validate? What would happen if you did not have to validate.
_We don't have to be right every time. The most important thing is to be understood._
*************************************
Share this message with your friends
https://chat.whatsapp.com/GioeEB7Osfz0VbeDO9cTba
*************************************
Chander Shankar
NLP Coach and Mentor
Enkindle and Empower Pty Ltd
http://www.enkindleandempower.com/
New messages shared every day by 8 AM Sydney Time.
****************************************