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Mindful Masculinity for Modern Dads with Todd Adams
In this conversation, Todd Adams — Executive Director of Men Living and co-host of Zen Parenting Radio — unpacks what “conscious masculinity” truly means when you’re raising boys today. From the man box, to modeling emotional literacy, to partnership dynamics, to navigating conflict and consent, Todd brings grounded, practical wisdom for parents who want to raise strong, emotionally capable young men. This episode is about presence, modeling, and doing your own work — because our sons learn far more from who we are than what we say.
Key Takeaways
1. The Man Box & Conscious Masculinity
Todd explains the framework of the “man box” — narrow cultural expectations that boys absorb — and why conscious masculinity expands beyond toughness into nurturing, emotional presence, and integrity.
2. The 60–30–10 Model of Parenting
Todd breaks down his parenting philosophy:
- 60% modeling
- 30% how you show up
- 10% the actual words
This becomes the foundation of how boys learn behavior, responsibility, and emotional regulation.
3. Emotional Literacy, Empathy & Letting Boys Feel
Todd highlights how boys are naturally emotional — even more expressive than girls early on — until society trains it out of them. He talks about naming feelings, body awareness, and letting boys feel deeply instead of distracting or shutting them down.
4. Partnership, Emotional Labor & Conflict Styles
Todd discusses how marriage dynamics shape a boy’s understanding of masculinity, equality, and emotional safety — including emotional labor, conflict styles (fight, freeze, flee, fawn), consent, and role modeling in the home.
5. Men Living, Connection & Why Fathers Must Do Inner Work
Todd shares why men lose deep friendships, how he built Men Living, and why dads must take responsibility for their personal growth — instead of passing unresolved baggage down to their sons.
Timestamps / Chapter Markers
00:00 — What We Can Control as Fathers
00:33 — Welcome & Meet Todd Adams
01:05 — What Is Conscious Masculinity?
02:01 — Boys Are Born Emotionally Expressive
03:23 — The “Man Box” and Its Limits
04:29 — The Four Male Archetypes
05:45 — Why the Lover Archetype Matters
06:25 — Parenting Is More About Being Than Saying
07:10 — The 60–30–10 Parenting Model
08:45 — Be the Man You Want Your Son to Become
09:45 — Are We Sure We Turned Out “Fine”?
10:38 — Raising Kids in a Radically Different World
11:55 — Screens, Addiction, and Honest Modeling
13:34 — Why Kids See Everything
14:03 — When Men Lack Emotional Role Models
14:55 — The Golf Weekend Wake-Up Call
16:28 — Men Already Know How to Feel
17:15 — Naming Feelings and Listening to the Body
18:08 — When a Child Feels Everything
18:37 — Humor as Emotional Avoidance
20:17 — Why Men Need Intentional Community
22:21 — Creating Male Spaces on Purpose
24:19 — Adapting Masculinity to a Changing World
25:50 — Modeling Equality at Home
27:05 — Emotional Labor and Invisible Work
29:16 — Total Ownership in Partnership
30:52 — Making the Invisible Visible
32:30 — Recognition and Unequal Praise
33:40 — Healthy Partnership as a Teaching Tool
34:14 — The Real Secret to a Strong Marriage
35:07 — Understanding Conflict Styles
36:44 — Excellence, Joy, and Struggle
39:05 — Why Avoidance Costs More Long-Term
40:44 — Where Fathers Get Stuck
41:10 — The Five Principles of Men Living
42:30 — Protecting Boys’ Emotional Openness
43:02 — “Let Me Feel What I Feel”
44:30 — Rethinking Affection and Masculinity
45:40 — Consent Starts Early
47:17 — One Operating Principle for Raising Boys
48:20 — Let Your Kids Teach You
49:09 — Closing Reflections
Supporting Content
1. King, Warrior, Magician, Lover — by Robert Moore & Douglas Gillette
Todd uses this to explain the four male archetypes and why boys need the “lover” archetype encouraged, not erased.
https://www.amazon.com/dp/0062506064
2. Tony Porter’s “A Call to Men” & The Man Box Framework
Referenced via Tony Porter’s TED Talk about the “man box” and cultural conditioning around masculinity.
https://www.ted.com/talks/tony_porter_a_call_to_men
3. Fair Play System (Eve Rodsky)
Referenced during discussion of emotional labor, ownership, and division of hidden household responsibilities.
https://www.fairplaylife.com
4. Men Living (Todd’s organization)
Frameworks mentioned: Men Living Consciously, Curiously, Emotionally, Candidly, Intentionally.
https://menliving.org
5. Zen Parenting Radio (Todd & Cathy’s podcast)
Referenced throughout the conversation. https://zenparentingradio.com
View all episodes
By Shaun DawsonIn this conversation, Todd Adams — Executive Director of Men Living and co-host of Zen Parenting Radio — unpacks what “conscious masculinity” truly means when you’re raising boys today. From the man box, to modeling emotional literacy, to partnership dynamics, to navigating conflict and consent, Todd brings grounded, practical wisdom for parents who want to raise strong, emotionally capable young men. This episode is about presence, modeling, and doing your own work — because our sons learn far more from who we are than what we say.
Key Takeaways
1. The Man Box & Conscious Masculinity
Todd explains the framework of the “man box” — narrow cultural expectations that boys absorb — and why conscious masculinity expands beyond toughness into nurturing, emotional presence, and integrity.
2. The 60–30–10 Model of Parenting
Todd breaks down his parenting philosophy:
- 60% modeling
- 30% how you show up
- 10% the actual words
This becomes the foundation of how boys learn behavior, responsibility, and emotional regulation.
3. Emotional Literacy, Empathy & Letting Boys Feel
Todd highlights how boys are naturally emotional — even more expressive than girls early on — until society trains it out of them. He talks about naming feelings, body awareness, and letting boys feel deeply instead of distracting or shutting them down.
4. Partnership, Emotional Labor & Conflict Styles
Todd discusses how marriage dynamics shape a boy’s understanding of masculinity, equality, and emotional safety — including emotional labor, conflict styles (fight, freeze, flee, fawn), consent, and role modeling in the home.
5. Men Living, Connection & Why Fathers Must Do Inner Work
Todd shares why men lose deep friendships, how he built Men Living, and why dads must take responsibility for their personal growth — instead of passing unresolved baggage down to their sons.
Timestamps / Chapter Markers
00:00 — What We Can Control as Fathers
00:33 — Welcome & Meet Todd Adams
01:05 — What Is Conscious Masculinity?
02:01 — Boys Are Born Emotionally Expressive
03:23 — The “Man Box” and Its Limits
04:29 — The Four Male Archetypes
05:45 — Why the Lover Archetype Matters
06:25 — Parenting Is More About Being Than Saying
07:10 — The 60–30–10 Parenting Model
08:45 — Be the Man You Want Your Son to Become
09:45 — Are We Sure We Turned Out “Fine”?
10:38 — Raising Kids in a Radically Different World
11:55 — Screens, Addiction, and Honest Modeling
13:34 — Why Kids See Everything
14:03 — When Men Lack Emotional Role Models
14:55 — The Golf Weekend Wake-Up Call
16:28 — Men Already Know How to Feel
17:15 — Naming Feelings and Listening to the Body
18:08 — When a Child Feels Everything
18:37 — Humor as Emotional Avoidance
20:17 — Why Men Need Intentional Community
22:21 — Creating Male Spaces on Purpose
24:19 — Adapting Masculinity to a Changing World
25:50 — Modeling Equality at Home
27:05 — Emotional Labor and Invisible Work
29:16 — Total Ownership in Partnership
30:52 — Making the Invisible Visible
32:30 — Recognition and Unequal Praise
33:40 — Healthy Partnership as a Teaching Tool
34:14 — The Real Secret to a Strong Marriage
35:07 — Understanding Conflict Styles
36:44 — Excellence, Joy, and Struggle
39:05 — Why Avoidance Costs More Long-Term
40:44 — Where Fathers Get Stuck
41:10 — The Five Principles of Men Living
42:30 — Protecting Boys’ Emotional Openness
43:02 — “Let Me Feel What I Feel”
44:30 — Rethinking Affection and Masculinity
45:40 — Consent Starts Early
47:17 — One Operating Principle for Raising Boys
48:20 — Let Your Kids Teach You
49:09 — Closing Reflections
Supporting Content
1. King, Warrior, Magician, Lover — by Robert Moore & Douglas Gillette
Todd uses this to explain the four male archetypes and why boys need the “lover” archetype encouraged, not erased.
https://www.amazon.com/dp/0062506064
2. Tony Porter’s “A Call to Men” & The Man Box Framework
Referenced via Tony Porter’s TED Talk about the “man box” and cultural conditioning around masculinity.
https://www.ted.com/talks/tony_porter_a_call_to_men
3. Fair Play System (Eve Rodsky)
Referenced during discussion of emotional labor, ownership, and division of hidden household responsibilities.
https://www.fairplaylife.com
4. Men Living (Todd’s organization)
Frameworks mentioned: Men Living Consciously, Curiously, Emotionally, Candidly, Intentionally.
https://menliving.org
5. Zen Parenting Radio (Todd & Cathy’s podcast)
Referenced throughout the conversation. https://zenparentingradio.com