Yeah. Me too. It sucks. And it's really hard. This doesn't just go for love, it goes for old friends and family, for places and people and maybe even for what normality used to be like BC (before Covid, ugh.) But you're not the only one, it's fine to miss people even if you feel as though you shouldn't. Even if you were the one who cut them out. Understand your reasoning, and realise that it's okay to experience missing someone, even if you feel as though you shouldn't.