The Dogface Dudes have taken TED names.
We are now Uncle TED Talks.
This is episode 16 in that series.
allenmarcus.com has the links.




"Nothing captures the disorienting comedy of the post-modern, post-COVID world quite like the acronym MMIWG2SLGBTQQIA+. It's a tragic reality (the MMIW part) lost inside a bureaucratic clown car of letters. This is the world we're living in: a place where 'Technates' and 'BRICS tyranny' sound like sci-fi villains, but you can't get raw milk without a secret handshake, and the government wants to register your backyard garden while demanding you use the correct pronouns for a shrimp. Welcome to the 'Teds Against Razors' summit—where we're just trying to 'Fire the Grocery Store' before they make cow insemination a sex crime."

Late-night cabin talk that starts with viral oil tanker charts and ends on why you should probably fire your grocery store. We break down the rerouted-supertanker myth, look at why BRICS is just technocracy repackaged, and call out how much "independent" media quietly herds audiences back to the same script. Guest Crackbaby, a Marine vet and first-time cattleman, walks through what small-ranch life actually looks like: chasing livestock on foot through steep hills, patching fences, and rebuilding pasture without heavy equipment.


From there we get into Oregon’s IP 28 proposal, the USDA garden registry pilot, and the quiet push to regulate home food production. The fixes are practical enough. You can split a quarter cow with neighbors, track down local processors on Beefmaps, or find regional raw milk networks. Between the food talk, the panel riffs on Canadian funding acronyms, the Shrimp Welfare Project, military boot camp lore, and why nineties sketch comedy still lands better than modern TV.
If you’re tired of performative outrage and want actual steps to secure your food supply, this episode just lays out the basics. Members get the uncut afterparty afterward.


Cows, Carburetors, and Controlled Narratives: A Night in the Cabin
Fire Your Grocery Store: Ranch Life, Food Freedom, and Media Myths
From BRICS to Barnyards: Deprogramming the News and Rebuilding Local
The Teds Against Razors Summit: Self-Reliance in a Clown World
Gas Fumes & Beef Truths: Laughing Through the Great Reset



Uncle TED Talks, Episode 16
The Dogface Dudes are now all named TED. 

This one starts with viral oil-tanker charts and ends on why you should probably fire your grocery store.
We break down the rerouted-supertanker myth, explain why BRICS looks like technocracy in a new jacket, and note how much "independent" media just herds people back to the same script. Guest Crackbaby, a Marine vet and first-time cattleman, walks through small-ranch life: chasing livestock on foot, patching fences, rebuilding pasture without heavy gear.


Then we get into Oregon's IP 28 proposal, the USDA garden registry pilot, and the quiet push to regulate home food production. The workarounds are straightforward: split a quarter cow with neighbors, use Beefmaps to find local processors, tap regional raw milk networks.


Between the serious bits, the panel riffs on Canadian funding acronyms, the Shrimp Welfare Project, military boot camp lore, and why nineties sketch comedy still lands better than modern TV.


If you're tired of performative outrage and want actual steps to secure your food supply, this episode lays out the basics. Members get the unedited afterparty.


Links at allenmarcus.com.

(00:00:05) Cold open: Unabomber vibes, theme banter, greetings

(00:02:19) Shipping myths, tankers, and rerouting reality check

(00:05:54) War propaganda talk: Iraq wars to BRICS technocracy

(00:09:11) Technates, Elon Musk family tangents, and culture riffs

(00:12:09) Food analogies for tyranny and San Francisco street jokes

(00:16:09) Irish jokes, potatoes, and occult banter derail

(00:16:12) Guest intro: Crackbaby joins—homestead, cattle, engagement

(00:18:35) Ranch life stories: chasing cattle, flips, and mountain cows

(00:22:12) Work-life juggle and panel format, band name silliness

(00:24:11) Beard wax with cannabis, California spoils, facial hair bits

(00:26:27) Trans, furries, and culture-war banter escalates

(00:27:05) Canada clip: MMIWG2SLGBTQQIA+ funding outrage and riffs

(00:33:08) Ortho bros, panel drama, and symbiotic online beefs

(00:36:10) Matriarchy mic: fashion snark and acronym confusion

(00:40:51) Royal scandals, Oprah schools, trafficking allegations

(00:46:10) MADtv vs SNL, stand-up rants, comedy impressions

(00:49:34) Kevin Smith universe stories, NA meetings, movie set tales

(00:53:19) Nickname lore: Why Crackbaby—boot camp origins

(00:57:00) Army vs Marines banter, crayons, window lickers jokes

(01:00:04) Pivot to self-sufficiency: Oregon IP 28 and animal laws

(01:05:36) Bigger picture: home garden registries and control

(01:10:38) Debate: control of food production, hunting, breeding

(01:12:18) Imports, cartel beef claims, and the Beef Initiative

(01:18:01) Fire your grocery store: local ranchers, beefmaps, costs

(01:23:17) Processing rules, mobile butchering, state lines nuance

(01:23:41) Raw milk networks, Weston A. Price, small-town sourcing

(01:25:34) IP 28 as PEACE Act framing and infantilization critique

(01:27:03) Cattle stress, herding realities, and negotiation jokes

(01:31:28) Quarter cow strategy, deep freezers, gray markets

(01:36:02) Knowing your meat: local markets vs global supply

(01:38:32) Labor-share gardens and practical workarounds

(01:39:27) Small ranch logistics, trailers, sale barns, community

(01:41:31) Regenerative ranching tips: hay, manure, and pasture

(01:43:06) Data centers on farmland and returning to nature

(01:44:28) Faith on the farm: purpose, family, and hard work

(01:46:02) Beef Initiative connects: Texas Slim, Hometown Meats

(01:47:49) Marketing pain, social media aversion, staying sane

(01:50:19) Hosts setups: gardens, ducks, coast life, help at home

(01:51:33) Kitchen crimes: raw chicken saga and countertop wars

(01:56:08) Wheelchair jokes, spinners, and panel roast session

(01:59:42) Generators, gasoline mishaps, and off-grid power

(02:03:06) Scorpion in the shower and Subaru ad interlude

(02:06:19) High school cars nostalgia: CRX, Grand Prix, bong

(02:08:04) Trucks, Chargers, Teslas, gasifiers, diesel at $8

(02:10:31) Comedy break: Dave Landau clip and surgery ketamine

(02:16:35) Hollywood gossip: Kardashian holes, Feldman, angels

(02:18:41) Cinnamon Angels charity bit and running gag

(02:26:49) Shrimp welfare project: satire on regulation creep

(02:32:11) Florida laws: protests, red flags, Israel speech bans

(02:41:02) Media propaganda, Tucker to independent pipeline

(02:44:20) Populist anger, Q fatigue, and controlled opposition

(02:45:28) Kristi Noem takedown: vetoes, scandals, campaign cash

(02:48:20) Politicians lie baseline, Carlin rule, kittens invade

(02:49:15) Silver crucible day and generator load realities

(02:51:21) Sliced bread history, tins, and botulism jokes

(02:52:27) Sketch shows: Portlandia, Florida Man, Cops

(02:54:07) Tourism vs crime: Florida press emails and stories

(02:57:52) Sign-offs, afterparty plug, and member-side chaos