Modern Love

For most of her life, Kelly McWilliams has felt as though people aren’t seeing her clearly. Kelly is biracial, and she was raised to be proud of her identity: she grew up surrounded by African American culture and literature. But when she walks into a room, a lot of people perceive her as a white woman. And when she does tell people she’s Black, the situation can get uncomfortable, even scary, very fast.

On this episode of “Modern Love,” McWilliams tells the host, Anna Martin, about the ways her mixed-race identity has affected her relationships and her work. Kelly’s new book, “American Nightmare,” is about a Black man who passes for white and ends up working as a spy for the N.A.A.C.P. 

The idea of being a spy, of entering spaces and situations without anyone knowing your true identity, is very personal for Kelly. But, she says, after years of being mistaken for someone she’s not, she has learned to be loud about who she really is.

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At the age of 25, the comedian Taylor Tomlinson was sure she had life and love figured out. She’d left behind a religious faith that felt too restrictive. She was engaged to a man she loved. She was also writing her first Netflix special. Tomlinson felt like her career and personal life were on track and that nothing could stop her. Then, suddenly, she surprised even herself by calling off the engagement.

Now 32, Tomlinson wishes she’d handled the breakup differently, but she doesn’t regret ending the relationship. That decision, she says, ultimately led her to seek help for her mental health. Eventually, she came out as bisexual, and started exploring an attraction to women that she thought she would never get to act on.

This week on the “Modern Love” podcast, Tomlinson talks about how she stepped away from who she thought she should be — and who she was supposed to be with — and learned to be patient with the process of coming to know her own mind and heart. Even if it meant a long-term partnership had to wait.

Taylor Tomlinson’s memoir, “Actually, Nevermind,” is out now.

Here’s how to submit a Modern Love essay, and how to submit a Tiny Love Story.

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Joe Swanberg married the first person he ever seriously dated. When that marriage ended, his romantic life got complicated. Messy, even. He started dating younger women, ended up in an elaborate love triangle, and completely changed his mind about whether he wanted to marry and have children again. He openly describes it as a cliché midlife crisis.

Swanberg is no stranger to messy relationships. Throughout his career making television and films, his work has focused on the gray areas of relationships and their difficult-to-navigate emotional territory. So when he hit his own difficult relationship moment, he channeled it into his new film, “The Sun Never Sets.”

This week on the “Modern Love” podcast, Swanberg talks about the real-life story that inspired the film, what he’s learned in the process of cleaning up his own mess, and how his approach to relationships is changing.

Here’s how to submit a Modern Love essay. Here’s how to submit a Tiny Love Story.

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Carla Lalli is well known as a chef and a cookbook author. But after many years in food media, working at places like Bon Appétit, she started to lose her personal connection to cooking. It wasn’t until her 24-year-long marriage ended and she had to start cooking for herself as a newly single person, that she re-engaged with why she loved to cook and what made her feel good. She details many of these discoveries and recipes in her new memoir-meets-cookbook, “Food Is a Feeling.”

On this episode of “Modern Love,” Lalli tells the host Anna Martin about the specific meals and experiences that helped her reconnect with her pleasure and cravings at this pivotal time in her life. And she talks about the value of cooking as a tool for transforming a really bad day.

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Blake Martin was in his car waiting to pick up pizza when a notification from his doctor hit his phone. As he read it, his stomach dropped and his mind started racing. It was the second life-changing piece of news he’d received within 24 hours, and it threw his entire idea of the future into question. Now, he had to pick up his pizza, head home and tell his wife.

This week on the “Modern Love” podcast, Martin explains what he learned about the future of his family and his health, and how he and his wife began to navigate their new reality.

Read Blake Martin's “Modern Love” essay here.

Here’s how to submit a Modern Love essay. 

Here’s how to submit a Tiny Love Story.

Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app.

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Jess Zakira Wise knew she wanted to experiment with group sex, but as she got into the scene she struggled to find a sex party where she felt comfortable. She kept finding spaces that were male-dominated and heteronormative, things she was trying to escape from. So, Jess started to organize her own parties.

This week on “Modern Love,” Wise explains what makes a great sex party, and why it’s often more about communication, curiosity and respect for one’s own desires than anything else.

Here’s how to submit a Modern Love essay. 

Here’s how to submit a Tiny Love Story.

Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app.

Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app.

Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app.

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The tech writer and podcaster Bridget Todd was sure she’d never get attached to A.I. chatbots. She was suspicious of the companies behind them, and when she saw articles popping up about people who said they loved their bots, she said she found their situations sad and potentially dangerous. Besides, Bridget didn’t have an empty hole in her life to fill. She had a supportive human partner. She had friends and a tight knit family.

But then Bridget’s life started to unravel. After the death of her parents, she was flooded with fear, grief and a kind of isolation she was not prepared for. That’s when she started telling A.I. what she couldn’t tell the people in her life. Its responses filled a void. In this episode of “Modern Love,” Bridget tells its host, Anna Martin, what happened when the boundary between human and digital companion got fuzzy, and what life looks like for her on the other side. 

Bridget’s audio book, “Love at First Prompt: AI and the Future of Intimacy,” is out now.

Here’s how to submit a Modern Love essay. 

Here’s how to submit a Tiny Love Story.

Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app.

Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app.

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Jenny Singer thought she had a lung fungus. That would explain the shortness of breath that she was experiencing. The doctor’s other explanation was anxiety, which seemed completely out of the question to her. But as time went on, Jenny found herself increasingly focused on her “breathing problem,” as she called it, in a way that made it nearly impossible to connect with anyone.

Eventually, Singer realized she didn’t have a lung fungus. She admitted to herself that she felt anxious and concluded that she wasn’t cut out for the kind of romantic connection she desired. Then, she met someone she absolutely did not want a romantic connection with, and hanging out with him felt great. Suddenly, she no longer felt anxious. It was exactly what she needed.

This week on the “Modern Love” podcast, Singer explains how anxiety interfered in her love life, and what it took to find the kind of relationship she always wanted.

Here’s how to submit a Modern Love essay. 

Here’s how to submit a Tiny Love Story.

Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app.

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Sam Graham-Felsen never imagined being lonely. Throughout his childhood and as a young man his life revolved around his friends. But when Sam got married and then had kids, going out with his friends almost felt like a luxury. After years of focusing on everything in his life except friendship, Sam began to realize he was missing something essential, and he decided to get his friends back.

On this episode of “Modern Love,” Mr. Graham-Felsen describes how he went from being a boy with a wealth of deep friendships to finding himself feeling lonely as an adult, and what he did to bring friendship back into his life.

Read his essay “Where Have All My Deep Male Friendships Gone?” in The New York Times Magazine.

Here’s how to submit a Modern Love essay to The New York Times.

Here’s how to submit a Tiny Love Story.

Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app.

Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app.

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Elisabeth “Eli” Sheff is a polyamory expert. When she first heard about polyamorous relationships, back in the early ’90s, hardly anyone was talking about this stuff. But Sheff became fascinated, and for the past 30 years, she’s been studying the lives of kids who grew up in polyamorous families. 

On this episode of “Modern Love,” Sheff tells the host Anna Martin about her personal and professional findings from decades of being immersed in polyamorous spaces. Plus, she has advice for people who are trying to figure out if being poly is right for them. 

Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app.

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