The Myths of Motherhood: Why "Good Mother" Has Never Meant One Thing ft. Dr. Shari Thurer

What if everything you think you know about what makes a "good mother" isn't instinct, isn't biology — it's just the story our culture happens to be telling right now?

In this episode of That Mom, I talk with Dr. Shari Thurer, a psychoanalytically trained psychologist and author of The Myths of Motherhood: How Culture Reinvents the Good Mother. Dr. Thurer wrote the book nearly three decades ago, driven by her own fear (common among working mothers of her generation) that having a career might somehow damage her daughter. That fear sent her on a deep historical and cross-cultural dive — and what she found was that the definition of a "good mother" has never been fixed. It's changed dramatically across history and across cultures, which means the standard we're measuring ourselves against today isn't truth. It's a moment-in-time, culturally constructed myth.

We talk about where mom guilt actually comes from (hint: an impossible ideal, not a personal failing), whether maternal instinct is even real, and the relief that comes from understanding that "good enough" — a term coined by psychoanalyst Donald Winnicott — really is good enough.

What We Cover:

• Why Dr. Turner started researching motherhood: her own fear that working would harm her daughter
• The history of "good mother" standards — and how dramatically they've shifted over time
• The frightening psychological theories of the past (like the "schizophrenogenic mother")
• Whether maternal instinct is biological or culturally learned
• Where mom guilt actually originates: an impossible, unattainable ideal

About the Guest:
Dr. Shari Thurer is a psychoanalytically trained psychologist based in Boston and the author of The Myths of Motherhood: How Culture Reinvents the Good Mother. She has practiced psychotherapy for decades and continues to see patients in Boston today.

Links + Resources:

• The Myths of Motherhood by Dr. Shari Thurer — available wherever books are sold and amazon
• Follow ThatMom: Instagram
• Join the ThatMom Community: EMAIL
• Learn more: That Mom Website

Maria's Style Pick:

One thing helping me simplify life as a working mom? Renting instead of buying.

This episode's outfit is from Rent the Runway.

Try it here with 50% off

If this episode resonated, share it with a mom who has been carrying too much for too long.

And if you're enjoying these conversations, follow That Mom for more thoughtful discussions about motherhood, identity, ambition, happiness, emotional well-being, and building a life that feels aligned with what matters most.