“Sarah farts really loudly when she sleeps. Oh my God and sometimes it smells so bad that we have to wake up and open all the windows. It’s awful.”

Those were usually the first words my mother said to any friend of mine she met for the first time. She’d never say anything good about me and at first I never really questioned it because I thought this was normal. Isn’t this how all moms acted?

Anyway...

I’m my parents' second child. I have an older brother called Gregory who already left for college. My dad was a pretty average, boring guy - he ate a lot, was gaining weight and had already started balding. He wasn’t a bad person but he was pretty ‘bleh’ if you know what I mean.

When I was about five years old, I realized I was good with my hands. I could paint beautiful sceneries and it seemed like I’d had years of training. There are people in art school right now who can’t paint that well! I also loved making things - I’d gather scraps of cardboard and create miniature houses. I’d paint them and they would look so realistic after. I never thought much of them because my mom would just roll her eyes every time she saw me doing something creative. Then one day my grandma came over and saw all my paintings and miniature buildings displayed in my room.

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