68. Mom-Shaming and What To Do About It

Today’s episode is all about something that I see increasingly with Moms, and never really with Dads, but it sorely needs to be addressed, so Dads, feel free to listen in as well. Mom-shaming is definitely on the increase, especially through the internet and social media, and today we’ll look at some of its components and I’ll share my perspective on what to do if it’s happening to you.

I begin by looking at the prevalence of ‘identity parenting’ in society today, the importance of ‘staying in your lane’ and just how difficult the internet and social media make this for everyone, particularly through the algorithms they employ. We’ll explore the notion that we, as humans, want to be part of a group, and that currently our groups are so often formed through common ideology where people are getting different takes on the news and care about different things from each other. I dive deep on the causes and concerns with judging others and the futility of debating others online. The current example of where we are all at with COVID-19 protocols perfectly exemplifies the notion that we are all using a goal-risk-reward system to make the best decisions for ourselves and our families, and I recommend that everyone revisit Episode 33 about ‘asking and guessing’. Throughout today’s episode, I stress that it’s okay for you to set a boundary without making another person wrong, that you need to stay in your lane, and that you can never know everything that another person is dealing with in their lives. In the end, this episode represents the latest installment in my overall goal of helping you stay sane, effective and calm, especially in these uncertain times.

The Finer Details of This Episode:

· Currently there is ‘Identity Parenting’

· It’s okay for you to set a boundary without making another person wrong

· The internet and social media have made it so much harder to ‘stay in your lane’

· Our groups have moved beyond family-based to be ideologically-based

· Our internet algorithms are based on confirmation bias

· People are getting different takes on the news

· Some parents don’t care about the same things as you

· Except in cases of extreme abuse, we have to go with the idea that everybody wants the best for their kids

· Stay in your lane to stay sane

· You don’t know another person’s situation

· Judging others is appealing because it makes us feel better about ourselves

· Do not get into these debates on line with people

· Navigating the differing protocols surrounding COVID-19 precautions is difficult these days

· You want to figure out where you’re at with these protocols

· All of us are using a goal-risk-reward system

· Be very clear about what you need in any given moment

· Be flexible

· Again, it’s okay for you to set a boundary without making another person wrong

· You also can’t be mad when the other person sets their boundary

Quotes:

“Everyone is on edge, and everyone is poised and ready for a fight.”

“It feels like every choice we make needs to be defended.”

“It just is astounding to me that people assume that we’re all seeing the same thing.”

“The algorithm is set to increase, to escalate whatever it is you like.”

“How about a private message? How about a gentle nudge?”

“We can’t do it all, and that’s what’s killing us.”

“She needed a hug more than she needed to stay 6 feet away.”

“Is the reward worth the risk?”

“You can’t be in people’s heads.”

“My interest in helping you guys as parents is to help keep you sane and effective and calm.”

Links:

Jamie’s homepage -   http://www.jamieglowacki.com/ 

Oh Crap! Potty Training – https://www.amazon.com/Crap-Potty-Training-Everything-Parenting-ebook/dp/B00V3L8YSU

Oh Crap! I Have A Toddler - 

https://www.simonandschuster.com/books/Oh-Crap!-I-Have-a-Toddler/Jamie-Glowacki/Oh-Crap-Parenting/9781982109738

Jamie’s Patreon Page: https://www.patreon.com/join/jamieglowacki?

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