Even if you do expect the unexpected, we predict that you'll still laugh when you figure out today's crossword, as the theme is delightful. Note that if you do not figure it out, fear not, we have the 411 for today's puzzle right here, and, if we may be permitted the indulgence of mixing 14th and 21st century English, cordially beseech thee to have a listen.

Show note imagery: Rupert of Hentzau (by Anthony Hope). The former was apparently quite adept with an EPEE, whereas the latter is better known for his penmanship.

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