You're guaranteed to get a kick out of retired pro football placekicker Jason Elam (and his ghostwriter special writing pal Steve Yohn)'s taut Riley Covington thriller Monday Night Jihad! Well, unless things like grade-7 sexuality and Steve-Bannon-grade Islamophobia somehow impede your enjoyment of pulp literature.

Anyway, come with us and meet the team that stands between us and those who would ruin our football games! No, not medical professionals: the terrible terrorists who lurk among us ... on our football teams. This will make some kind of sense eventually. We hope.

Recommendations:

• 1Q84, Haruki Murakami
• Remains of the Day, Christa Wolf

Music:

• "Madden 2002 Theme" by Pharoahe Monch
• "Official" by Pharoahe Monch
• "Lyricists Lounge Freestyle" by Pharoahe Monch