Mornings With Mary

You’re listening to mornings with Mary where I share everyday thoughts about everyday things before my second cup of coffee.

[[coffee machine noise]]

This one goes out to all the picky eaters the divas and the villains. After we moved, my partner and I were invited to dinner at a new friend’s house. We were talking about preferences and I mentioned how I’m picky about lots of different things as justification for my likes and dislikes.

This woman immediately looked at my partner and said, “Well, you must be very special then.” I was shocked.

My entire life, my pickiness was always seen as a problem. It was something I needed to get around or get over. Never was it perceived like a gift, like an achievement.

This happened over a year ago, and I still think about it.

I feel like I’m finally allowing myself to feel that confidence.

Why does having a strong preference make us such a target?

I think people like you better when your preferences are the same as theirs; because the second your preference affects someone else, there’s now a choice.

You can let them believe a lie, or you can tell them your truth.

I’m learning that the truth at least gives me ground to stand on, because hiding what I don’t want doesn’t make me want it less.

I made sure that if someone was going to be uncomfortable, it was going to be me, to keep their peace.

Telling the truth might create an uncomfortable moment or two, but lying about it can create a much more dramatic problem later.

I’m learning that keeping someone else comfortable is not more important than being honest about my own experiences.

[[coffee machine beeping]]

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit mhonline.substack.com

You’re listening to mornings with Mary where I share everyday thoughts about everyday things before my second cup of coffee.

[[coffee machine noise]]

Hi, how are you?

How many times a week do we get asked this question? And almost every time I answer, “good, how are you?” Sometimes this varies to “fine” or if I’m feeling really adventurous, “doing well.” One of my clients answers this with, “I’m okay,” which always makes me think there’s something horribly wrong as she is not following one of the approved dialogues.

Why do we mainly use this phrase as a greeting and not a genuine question? I think one of my new neighbors has absolutely mastered this question. She will reply with the last thing she did, like if she just got home from a trip was just talking to her sister on the phone.

This is kind of genius because now I have something I can ask her about and we can have a real conversation. I decided to try this at the dentist. Low stakes. I thought about a few things and I decided on I’m really enjoying this weather. Now I know talking about the weather is only a step above “fine, thanks”, but I do love talking about the weather so I would have no problem carrying on a conversation about that.

And I’m happy to report that it did work out well and we talked about hiking and doing things outside.

So tell me, how are you?

[[coffee machine beeping]]

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit mhonline.substack.com

You’re listening to mornings with Mary where I share everyday thoughts about everyday things before my second cup of coffee.

[[coffee machine noise]]

I think I’ve been on a personal journey of self-expression and uncovering what it is I actually want to do. I still don’t have an answer yet, just so we’re clear. But I did try this exercise where I thought back to all the games and crafts and imaginary worlds that I created as a kid and I had completely forgotten about this club I created. I mean complete with a rulebook, ID cards, and of course a secret password.

As I went down the list, I realized that most of these are some form of like world creation, world building. I’m not sure what this means yet, but I seem to create best with limited resources, a defined setting, and a blank slate. I apparently can’t seem to stop myself from structuring fun.

So maybe creativity lives in our unadulterated worlds from childhood. I looked up the definition of unadulterated, which led to adulterated and finally just adulterate, which basically means to dilute or pollute.

So here’s that exercise for you. Next time you’re feeling off uninspired or just cringy, think back to something that brought you joy before the age of 12.

Maybe it was a kid’s book where you really only cared about the pictures or that deep cut straight to TV movie, a dumb game you played in the pool, a habitat you made for a stuffed animal, anything.

Make a list of these things and just keep thinking. Think of the places you spent the most time and the other kids you met. Write down all of those things.

When you’ve figured it out, I’ll let you into my club.

[[coffee machine beeping]]

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit mhonline.substack.com

Transcript:You’re listening to mornings with Mary where I share everyday thoughts about everyday things before my second cup of coffee.

[[coffee machine noise]]

I’m currently nearing the end of a very lightly renovating our guest bathroom. The bathroom has this classic 70s blue shower/tub combo, a bit of blue tile, and a matching blue toilet. I love fun moments like that and historical decor, so I decided to lean really hard into the 70s.

I’ve brought back some of the stained wood accents and decided to paint the walls a more classic pink color. My partner’s parents have been following along in our group chat and none of my choices have gotten much of a response except for choosing pink paint.

His mom said, and I quote, “You’re a brave soul and it will probably look great when it’s done. I always go with the lightest color on the paint strip choices. I was both amused and kind of shocked by this response.

Brave.

Brave for picking something that perfectly fits the theme. And a brave soul, no less.

This kind of feels like when you’re rewarded for restarting a router or a computer, getting praised for something kind of boring is almost insulting.

We tend to reserve bravery for things like knights and firefighters, but what if we stop diminishing our own? Just because something feels easy to us doesn’t mean it looks easy to everyone else.

Bravery might just be what confidence looks like to someone who doesn’t have it yet, but then again, maybe she really just doesn’t like pink.

[[coffee machine beeping]]

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit mhonline.substack.com

Transcript:

You’re listening to mornings with Mary where I share everyday thoughts about everyday things before my second cup of coffee.

[[coffee machine noise]]

I’ve been thinking a lot about the idea of luck this year.

We went to Ireland at the end of March and while luck seems like a very cliche thing to associate with Ireland, it is literally everywhere. They really do lean into it.

On day one we landed and we drove to Killarney.

It was like 8 a.m. and we went to a cafe for breakfast. The owner ended up talking to us for a while and he asked where we were staying.

I mentioned one of the local hotels and made a joke about not getting to check in until 4 p.m. If you’ve ever been to the UK, they take these things very seriously so we assumed Ireland was probably the same. This guy then just suggested that we try our luck on checking in early. Try our luck. In Ireland. Genius.

When we got to the hotel we asked if it was possible to check in. She confirmed our room was ready. Incredible. That set the tone for the entire trip. We began trying our luck any way we could.

Fast forward a few months and I was listening The Psychology of Money. And in this book he points out that Bill Gates and Warren Buffett didn’t just get lucky, they were consistent. And on top of that, they were both children when they made these choices. Of course, being a white man increased their potential for luck, but they still had to do something to access that luck. And I think that must be how a lot of opportunities show up, but we’re just too embarrassed to act on them. And I think the fact that they were both kids actually has a lot to do with why this worked for them.

Kids don’t understand embarrassment yet. They repeat themselves, ask for what they want without hesitation or overthinking it, and they speak up publicly. I think consistency is what increases our contact with luck. And I’m trying that now by making more episodes of this podcast and continuing to write on my substack. I decided I was done rejecting myself first and considered there might be more opportunities out there that I’m not acting on.

That’s supposed to be the benefit of adulthood, right?

Being able to discern if something is really worth the risk.

So anyway, take this invitation to try your luck once in a while, especially when the stakes are low and the vibes are high.

[[coffee machine beeping]]

Substack about Luck: https://mhonline.substack.com/p/exploring-luck

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit mhonline.substack.com

Transcript:

You’re listening to Mornings with Mary where I share everyday thoughts about everyday things before my second cup of coffee.

[[coffee machine noise]]

I will not ask you to sit through a detailed life story. Instead I’m going to call out a few notable, fun facts and common icebreaker answers.

* I have taken at least one photo every single day since January 2010. It started as a 365 day Facebook challenge and I just never stopped.

* Traveling has always been a top priority for me. I’ve been to 13 countries and 31 states. At 19 years old I did a 48 hour round trip from Atlanta, Georgia to Fort Erie, Ontario using megabus.

* Last year I picked up my entire life and moved from Georgia to Massachusetts, spending major but welcomed adjustment.

* I have a business degree and I have worked as an assistant of some kind for over the last 15 years. I created VA Launch Academy a few months ago to start transferring all of my learned knowledge into courses for virtual assistants. It’s everything I wish I’d had when I started and I explain it in a way that makes it make sense. link in the show notes thank you. (www.valaunchacademy.online)

* And our rapid fire category. I enjoy gardening with a focus on native plants. I always have a DIY project going on. I would say I consume a lot of YouTube content mainly around food, travel, and home renovation. And obviously I drink a lot of coffee.

Please follow or subscribe so you don’t miss an episode. And thank you for listening all the way to the end.

[[coffee machine beeping]]

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit mhonline.substack.com

Transcript: You’re listening to Mornings with Mary where I share everyday thoughts about everyday things before my second cup of coffee.

[[coffee machine noise]]

This is a test of my sanity, my commit to speak my mind, and the quality of this microphone. I think testing is a commonly overlooked part of life. We tend to only test the big stuff. Here are a few things you should test everyday: your patience, your relationships, your values, your wants, and your dreams. The point of this is to find areas of your life that might not be working as well as you thought. Maybe it’s time to upgrade, reorganize, or declutter a few thoughts.

That’s it for today because again, this is a test.

[[coffee machine beeping]]

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit mhonline.substack.com