In this episode we take a look at a mother's journey with her son diagnosed with autism.  From his initial diagnosis to where he is now, we discuss all the highs and lows that happened along the way.  Their journey is inspirational one and we hope that you will connect with aspects of it to help you on your journey.   

Meet Tina Ruth, a mother of a child with autism.  She never allowed professionals to determine the fate of her son. Her hands on approach as a mother and advocate for son allowed him to grow and become the sweet, connected, funny, and loving person he was always meant to be.

IN THIS EPISODE:

• Introductions: Meet Tina Ruth one of the most inspirational women we know. She has a son who is diagnosed with autism.
• Tina is one of the most generous, kind, and most humble person we know and love.
• Tina wants to share her inspirational journey of what she has gone through with her son Jacob, in hopes that you can connect or have something resonate with you that it will help you on your journey.
• Tina describes her initial instincts about Jacob being different from other kids at 12 months.  The biggest thing that she noticed about Jacob was that when she would hold him, he would be a limp noodle and he would not make eye contact.
• As a mom with a first child you have no clue what to expect.  She just thought it was hard…it was motherhood.
• Jacob was formerly diagnosed at 2, but he started therapy at 12-14 months because he wasn't speaking.
• At first the doctor said, "Kids develop differently let's just wait and see."
• Tina instinctually knew something was "off."
• Many times we hear doctors say to moms "He's a boy and boys usually are late to talk." But it's really important to trust your parental instinct.
• Tina explains how her husband would excuse Jacob's behavior by saying, "He's a boy.  I was a tough boy.  My mom said I didn't talk until I was 5."
• The day Jacob was diagnosed was a horrible day.  It was a day of testing and Tina describes she just wanted him to do so well.
• When the doctor sat down with Tina and her husband and said,  "Your child has autism." Tina describes that she immediately went into a mode where her hearing was muffled and buzzing in her head.
• She watched her husband argue with the doctor, "No he's not. He's just a boy."
• Tina talks about it being so ingrained in people that "nothing is wrong with their kid," when there is one asks, "How can this happen?"
• Receiving a diagnosis of autism is devastating.  That's the only word Tina could think of initially… it's devastating!
• Tina didn't stay in that devastation long. She cried and mourned but then she realized she was mourning about something that she never had.  Jacob was never going to be a "typical kid." So Tina asked herself, "What am I really upset about?"
• Before the diagnosis she loved him.  He was a great kid.  After the diagnosis he's the same kid. She still has the same hopes and dreams for him.  It's just the path to get there is now a little different.
• The path is different from other kids but it can be done.
• It's "Behind the Breakthroughs," and there has been a lot of breakthroughs with Jacob.
• Tina's journey through the public school system had ups and downs.
• Tina talks about preschool being great.  They had great peer modeling program where 10-12 "typical" kids would engage with the kids on spectrum.  That was wonderful.
• When Jacob started kindergarten all bets were off because the school did not want to collaborate with Jacob's private therapists.
• The day that solidified that public school was not Jacob was when Tina observed him during story time in library and all the kids were engaged.  She didn't see Jacob at first.  Then she saw him sitting on the lap of his aide in a rocking chair looking at a book.  Tina thought that wasn't ok, he needs to be in a class interacting with his peers learning how to learn. So that was the icing on the cake.
• Jacob loved being with the kids and wanted to be with them, however, he was being pulled out and it was disheartening to see.
• The final straw was during a meeting the school said that Jacob would never be able to navigate a classroom and that his IQ was lower than expected.  The school then said they would pass him year to year in their special program to get a diploma.
• Tina thought there was no reason Jacob couldn't learn how to learn.
• During this meeting the principal came in and berated Tina. She told her that she needed to get over her expectations and explained to Tina that she had a son with autism and that her son doesn't get invited to  birthday parties and that's the way it is.
• That goes to show you that people like to place limits on children with autism.  Like this principal who compared Jacob to her son and put him in the same boat.  It is unfortunate and in a sense unethical to place/displace what you feel a child with autism is capable of.
• Everyone is different.  When "you meet one child with autism, you've met one child with autism. I don't know any other child like Jacob.
• After that meeting, Tina's hearing went out and the buzzing began.  The next day Tina was labeled as the "crazy" mom and they wouldn't allow her to come into school and observe Jacob.
• Tina started calling every single private, religious school out there.  She would have even converted if she had to.  Her goal was to get Jacob in a safe nurturing environment where he could be treated like everyone else.  She wanted to find a place where they held higher expectations.
• Tina got lots of "no's,"  until she called Mr. Moore at All Souls Catholic school.  He was the principal and he said, "Ok, let's give it a try.  If it's not a right fit we will let you know."
• By 3rd or 4th grade Jacob was fully transitioned into All Souls School with no aide.
• Now Jacob is in High School.  He has no aide, but he has tutors.  He's in mainstream class at a private high school.  He is manager of the football team.  Jacob started to become interested in football and the game.  He wanted to do it his freshmen year but Tina and her husband thought it would be too much.  His sophomore year he begged to become manager and Tina's husband talked to coach and coach loved the idea.  Jacob traveled with the team and did everything with them.  During the games he would cheer and yell on the side.
• Tina makes an important point by saying, "You know we want to make things easy for kids and make the path as easy as possible and remove the obstacles.  With Jake I have struggled with this a bit.  I often say to myself, should I let him be the kid that he started out being, the flapper and spinner.  But my choice is no.  I see a lot of other parents engage with that and they let their kids do things because it makes them feel good.  But then I remind myself that it also felt good to Jacob to pull out all his eye lashes and chew his fingernails to the skin.  Those things are not ok, so to me neither was the flapping or spinning or things people look at as "strange."  Like the meltdowns during transitions. So everything Jacob did, we redirected and helped him cope better.  I knew Jacob wanted to be socially accepted.  He wanted to have friends and be around kids and to be a part of things."
• Tina talks about exposing Jacob to many different things that he was resistant to such as dogs, traveling, etc.
• Tina has not placed any limits on Jake and now he loves to travel and go places and Jacob is going to get a diploma the real way.  He also wants to go to college.  He is set on going to a college in Wisconsin or Texas.
• Jacob is doing fabulous.  He is not a savant and academics are very hard for him.  English and Math are difficult and he has a tutor everyday.  He has Bs and Cs and he works his butt off for those grades. He sees his sister not studying and breezing through school and gets frustrated.  But we tell him as long as you give it your best we are happy.
• Jacob recently gave up french fries and coke.
• Tina wants parents to know that not everything works for every kid.  However, give everything a shot because you never know what's going to work.  If you feel you are wasting money and time then find something else. Its not worth the time and effort.
• The big thing these miracle workers (Annette and May) do is come into our home and do amazing things.  But the thing is if you don't follow through it's all for nothing.
• Jake is doing great but I think we are a whole lot of lucky… with a lot of hard work.  The road wasn't easy and we still go through ups and downs.
• Tina views Jake as the greatest.  He has such a good heart and he is just so full of joy.  He has a beautiful life.
• Tina has created a beautiful life for Jacob.  All her hard work has transferred to him.
• We spoke about that in the last show… what you do transfers to your child.
• The name of this podcast is Moving Forward Together.  Tina moved forward.  She moved and Jacob moved with her.  Tina changed and tried different things and so did Jacob.