Michael Porter Jr. finally ditched Denver for Brooklyn, and honestly, our blood pressure’s already thanking us. The guy shot like a demigod but defended like he was on airplane mode—every heat-check three was basically a prayer, and every missed rotation came with a “meh.” Meanwhile, Jonas Valančiūnas is playing the world’s most confusing game of hard-to-get—one minute he’s all in with Denver, the next he’s ghosting us for bigger bags. Nuggets fans are out here refreshing Shams Twitter like it’s the hottest free agency Tinder app. Swipe right on backup help, please!#MPJOut #BrooklynNets #JonasValanciunas #NuggetsDrama #NBAFreeAgency #NikolaJokic #WojBombs #NuggetsFans #BasketballComedy #SwipingForHelp