“How to be sex positive

Good news: You can become more sex positive! Try any of these tips to help shift your thoughts, feelings, and actions.

Value your sexuality

Sex positivity starts (and doesn’t end!) with valuing your own sexuality.

“Learn more about your body — its anatomy, wants, needs, what makes it feel good (and what doesn’t),” says Melancon. She says masturbation can help you get to know your body better and communicate your desires to partners.

Share and respect pronouns

Promoting your pronouns can serve as a form of allyship to gender-nonconforming folks. You can share them in meetings and feature them in your social media bios or email signatures.

Respect the pronouns of others and use them correctly as well. Try to avoid assuming someone’s pronouns based on their appearance. “Respect is free,” says Howard.

Question your reactions toward sex

“The journey to sex positivity forces us to unlearn trains of thought that we’ve been committed to our entire lives, and disrupting that connection causes us to confront other traditional behaviors and beliefs that are problematic and sex-negative,” says Howard.

This can be challenging.

But she adds that “questioning your initial reactions to things like teenagers using sex toys, sexually active senior citizens, and sex and [people with disabilities] is a great way to start the internal work of self-checking traditionally harmful behaviors and microaggressions.”

If you notice your own sex negativity popping up when faced with another person’s sexuality or identity, Melancon recommends asking yourself the following questions:

What about their behavior is upsetting, and why?

What “kind” of person engages in this behavior or has these fantasies?

What would it mean about you if you enjoyed this sexual behavior?

“Often, we project our own insecurities and shame onto others, so judgment of others can actually be a window into our own deeper issues,” she adds.

Advocate for sex-positive policies and organizations

Activism is another key part of the sex-positive movement. “It’s important to be aware of and advocate for laws and policies that support ethical sexual freedom,” says Melancon.

“Sex positivity can also include understanding and advocating for the needs of sexual minorities, such as sex workers, the LGBTQIA+ community, those with disabilities, and considering the impact of racism and sexism on sexual expression,” she says.

This also includes supporting comprehensive, medically accurate school sex education for children.

For example, you can support the passing of sex-positive policies (e.g., decriminalizing sex work or passing healthcare equality legislation for trans people) by signing petitions or writing to government officials.”

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