Note: Hiiii okay I’ve never done/posted anything like this before but it totally feels wonderful to have gotten the emotions out regarding this relationship. It was reaaally cathartic and totally experimental so I’m very happy with how it all turned out!! I guess just wanted to say here that,, this is my first time doing this life as far as I know so… please take it easy on me lmao

I also did this at like midnight in my bathroom so. I had the shower on so I [ideally] didn’t wake up my downstairs neighbors. apologies for the extra noise and (?)weird audio. Alr hope y’all enjoy ^^

Full poem below [see also the transcript]

Section I

I wear my pain with power

and pride

She is with me now

as I collapse in on myself

Asking “why did it have to

be this way?”

(It didn't, but he chose this).

I find myself

thinking about you weekly,

monthly, yearly

though we haven't talked since

I was 17.

You had messaged me

from a throw-away number,

(a coward as always)

and I told you

Never to talk to me again,

to so much as think of me,

or I would persecute you

to the fullest extent

of the law.

But here you are,

finding me every night

at 21.

It's as if every time

I dream of you,

I discover a new way

you sunk your teeth into my

supple skin,

clawed at my bones

and tugged at my heart strings.

You wrapped your fingers

in her tender flesh,

called to my soul just to

dress her in locks and chains.

This time will not be the last

time, but I find power in this anger.

This will not be the last

time

I see through

your facade and

your pattern of cruelty.

You appeared to me desired

and holy, until

my body excorcised

your flesh prison

and

all that was left

was the devil.

He who was present in

every fuck, every snarl,

every look you gave me.

I was your Queen,

Your sanctuary

the reason you

remained

when you

ascended

But in that

moment

I discovered you

had only stayed

to extinguish

my flame.

It was too late

to leave without

a clash of teeth

and bones

bloody sheets and

cursed tongues.

Your abuse is the curse

that keeps giving,

but I survived your claws and

teeth by growing

fangs of my own

Thick scaly skin to

compensate for

the frequent licks

of your sacreligious

purity.

Section II

Tomorrow night,

I will eat you whole

when you

gallavant

through my

dreamscape

like a hungry sadist

(as you explore

my body

and home like

a new frontier

to conquer).

You never owned me,

though you acted

like you did--

keeping me like a

sacred / unholy

plot of fertile / expired land

under lock and key

(“to keep the

desolate out”

read your lips,

Your arms

squeezed

tight around

my throat).

You never owned me,

yet you circumcised

my friendships

my family

When I gained conscience

and stopped

shapely enacting

your sour fantasy

(You retracted

my royalty

at the snap of

your fingers).

You never called me a princess,

you called me slurs

For I was your slave,

entitled to clean up

your mess upon

my bloody hands and knees.

You screamed and

sobbed when I

withdrew my abundance,

Let you stew in pestilence,

allowed you to reap what you had

blasphemously sewed.

You told me you’d harvest

the soil itself if I kept this up;

That I had promised a bounty

bigger than you could imagine,

and I'd better hold up my end of

the bargain.

So I agreed to keep sweet,

and withdrew my roots

with baited breath

(vulnerable for only you).

I let the mushrooms flourish,

decompose and renew

my poisoned fields so

that my love could feast.

Section III

I pray that you enjoyed this meal

I prepared with love,

That it has kept you fat

and satisfied through this

long winter.

I pray that you only realize now

what I have done,

too late to save yourself

from your own fucking poison.

I pray the mushrooms multiply

and thrive with my sacrifice,

until your body is full of puss

and you're rotting from the inside out.

I pray your soul chains itself

stubbornly to the disease as it

always has.

i pray that you remain unchanging,

stagnant and suffering,

boiled alive by your

feverish hunger for

what was never yours.

I pray that your soil will be mine

to use when it's all said and done,

I pray for justice and this is

my piéce du resistance.

I pray that the next time

you cross my path

it’s my fantasy, not yours

Where I have fuller teeth

and claws than

even your devil could muster.

Sharpened with love,

through kindness and cruelty,

though I don't use my claws

unless I am forced to.

I’m armed with a sickness

stronger than the black death

and I wear my power with

pain and pride.

That is the difference

between you and I,

I always loved myself for

my faults / powers

even when you proved to me

that you didn't.

Don’t you dare forget that

Aphroditus,

Goddess of love

and divinity

also rules war and death.

She consumes Aries

in the bedroom,

and he bears her love / poison

with devotion

and prowess.

When you're so caught up

in your own destruction,

don't forget that it only reminds me

of my power

and your stagnation / weakness.

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