Mary Bruno wrote Missing Pieces: Female Perspectives on Sex for Catholic Women in response to a lack of women's voices among the popular speakers and authors who are most well-known for bringing messages about theology of the body and Catholic teachings on sex and marriage.

The theology and teachings are beautiful and true, but they implicitly assume that sex will be pleasurable. 

What if it's painful, as up to 75% of women will experience at some point in their lives? 

What if they desire it more than their husbands do? 

What if they don't realize that there's skill to learn in this area, and incorrectly assume it will be amazing right off the bat, starting from the wedding night? 

These are some of the experiences Mary addresses in her book. Join Sarah and Mary in a fascinating discussion in an area that needs more attention!

Mary Bruno, Missing Pieces: Female Perspectives on Sex for Catholic Women, 2024. 

Find Mary on her website, marybruno.com

Follow her in IG @whitelotusblooming

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Free Enhancing Marital Intimacy Guide for Catholic Women: 9 Skills for Body, Mind, and Spirit (for married and engaged women)

Do you want to know what is allowed for Catholics in the bedroom? The "What's Allowed List" answers 20+ questions about what is licit and illicit. ($10)

Model-free lingerie! Get 10% off with my affiliate link for Mentionables.

How do you find time for sex when you'e a busy mom with young kids?

First, Sarah shares three mindset shifts, plus a bonus note on attitudes about motherhood:

1. You NEED to make time for your marriage. You don't find it, you make it. You need to make time for emotional connection with your husband, and also for sex. Ideally, you want both of them together, but if you only have time for one, consider prioritizing emotional connection first. Consider scheduling it, and have an attitude that accepts that preparation will make it better--just as Mass is scheduled, and entails many layers of preparation (the homily, music, flowers, usher plan, etc.).

2. Emotional connection is so important for making lovemaking meaningful and pleasurable. Women are designed to thrive sexually in an atmosphere of heart-to-heart connection with their husband, which includes that feeling of being truly known and seen. 

3. Good lovemaking takes time: ideally, 15-60+ minutes per session. If you don't care about it feeling good and bonding, or you don't care about feeling mutual pleasure, you don't need much time. However, that is likely to lead to you, the wife, feeling left behind, used, and resentful. You will be more likely to see sex as just another chore to check off your list. 

4. Motherhood does not have to mean you are frazzled and exhausted. That is not a sign that you are doing it right. It is incredibly demanding, but look for where you can bring in help and make space for more in your life than just caring for your kids. Make time to cultivate your mind, your friendships, your hobbies... and your idea of yourself as a lover, not just a mother. 

That said, here are four ideas for making time for good lovemaking in marriage:

1. Weekend afternoon, during the little one's nap. Put on a movie and set out snacks for the bigger kids. Then, Mommy and Daddy go to their bedroom to have "a little nap." 

2. Cereal Night. This is a weekday night in which you serve the easiest dinner possible--maybe even just cold cereal, in plastic bowls! Streamline the bedtime rooutine. Make it the simplest, easiest possible version of dinner and bedtime. Then, once the kids are in bed, Mom and Dad make a bee-line for their bedroom WITHOUT PICKING UP THEIR PHONES, laptop, or tablets first. (Those screens are "thieves in the night" that will steal your precious opportunities for emotional and sexual connection! They're a trap. Stay off, or an hour later you'll find yourselves scrolling or surfing, and then too tired to really have good lovemaking.) 

3. Set Your Alarms for the Middle of the Night. Get in one solid sleep cycle, and set your alarm for 4 hours after your heads hit the pillow. Then, wake up, make love in the dead of night, and go back to sleep for the rest of the night. 

4. Arrange Babysitting Just for Sex Time.  You can do a babysitting swap with another couple with young kids, bring the kids to in-town parents for the evening, or have a babysitter over while you two go to a faraway part of the house to "do your taxes" or "have a business meeting." Get a white noise machine if you want to. 

MORE RESOURCES

Free Enhancing Marital Intimacy Guide for Catholic Women: 9 Skills for Body, Mind, and Spirit (for married and engaged women)

Do you want to know what is allowed for Catholics in the bedroom? The "What's Allowed List" answers 20+ questions about what is licit and illicit. ($10)

Model-free lingerie! Get 10% off with my affiliate link for Mentionables.

In this episode, Sarah welcomes special guest Nathan Bartel... her husband! 

Sarah asks Nathan about what led him to create his Holy Desires course for husbands. Along the way, they chat about:

• Philosophy (Nathan's Master's degree from CUA and his love of Aristotle)
• Virtue
• Struggles Husbands Face (mismatched libidos in marriage, not knowing how their wives' sexuality works, and finding the time amidst work and kids)
• Sex in Three Acts (Act I: Beforeplay + Foreplay, Act II: Intercourse, Act II: Afterglow)
• Men are Helicopters, Women are Jet Planes (Nathan reacts to a metaphor Sarah is testing out to help highlight the difference between men's and women's sexual responses.)

Nathan's 6-week Holy Desires class open through Friday, Oct. 10th, and won't reopen until March 2026. Check it out here if interested.

Want his free guide, Three Secrets to Becoming the Lover of Her Dreams? Here you go!

MORE RESOURCES

Free Enhancing Marital Intimacy Guide for Catholic Women: 9 Skills for Body, Mind, and Spirit (for married and engaged women)

Do you want to know what is allowed for Catholics in the bedroom? The "What's Allowed List" answers 20+ questions about what is licit and illicit. ($10)

Model-free lingerie! Get 10% off with my affiliate link for Mentionables.

If you're using NFP to avoid pregnancy (TTA), how can you thrive in your marriage with the abstinence period in your fertile window? How do you stay close? What sort of physical affection and touch is appropriate? (No genital stimulation for intentional arousal.) How can you harness the extra boost from the ovulation hormones to set yourself up for better lovemaking once you get the green light again?

MORE RESOURCES

Free Enhancing Marital Intimacy Guide for Catholic Women: 9 Skills for Body, Mind, and Spirit (for married and engaged women)

Do you want to know what is allowed for Catholics in the bedroom? The "What's Allowed List" answers 20+ questions about what is licit and illicit. ($10)

Model-free lingerie! Get 10% off with my affiliate link for Mentionables.

Maybe you're a Catholic wife with sex struggles in your marriage, but you think, "Oh well, that's just how it is." In this episode, Sarah lays out five reasons why it's worth your bother to figure out how to make things better for you. 

1. You're worth it. 

2. Sex is the body language of the wedding vows, so learning how to communicate the messages of love in those vows well is important.

3. The practice of improving your experience of your love life can strengthen your marriage. 

4. You want to model a healthy, holy, positive view of sex for your kids.

5. It's not going to get better on its own.

MORE RESOURCES

Free Enhancing Marital Intimacy Guide for Catholic Women: 9 Skills for Body, Mind, and Spirit (for married and engaged women)

Do you want to know what is allowed for Catholics in the bedroom? The "What's Allowed List" answers 20+ questions about what is licit and illicit. ($10)

Model-free lingerie! Get 10% off with my affiliate link for Mentionables.

What about having sex during your period (as a married Catholic woman)? What are some things to think about? There are no moral prohibitions to this in the Catholic faith. Different NFP methods may have guidance around avoiding period sex if you're trying to avoid pregnancy. Some women may just avoid it because they assume it's yucky, but in this episode, Sarah challenges this thought. It is beautiful to be a woman, and having a period is part of the goodness of God's plan in creating women. 

Sarah shares practical tips, as well as a book consideration for hormonal health, Hormone Intelligence by Aviva Romm.

Related: On the Dignity and Vocation of Women, by St. John Paul II (1988)

MORE RESOURCES

Free Enhancing Marital Intimacy Guide for Catholic Women: 9 Skills for Body, Mind, and Spirit (for married and engaged women)

Do you want to know what is allowed for Catholics in the bedroom? The "What's Allowed List" answers 20+ questions about what is licit and illicit. ($10)

Model-free lingerie! Get 10% off with my affiliate link for Mentionables.

Are quick lovemaking sessions (less than 20-30 min or so) a good idea in your Catholic marriage, or not? In this episode, Sarah offers some cautionary and probing questions meant to identify if quickies are helping build your unity and connection or if they're reinforcing bad habits in your love life. She draws on quotes from Church documents to identify some principles to help you discern whether they're serving the highest goals of marriage.

While the Catholic Church does not offer specific guidelines or rules about how long lovemaking sessions should be, in most cases, Sarah personally recommends against quickies. God created female sexuality to normally require much more time per lovemaking session in order to operate well and thrive. Some circumstances in which quickies might be a good idea are treated in this episode.

Catholic Church documents referenced in this episode:

Catechism of the Catholic Church, par. 2361

"Sexuality, by means of which man and woman give themselves to one another through the acts which are proper and exclusive to spouses, is not something simply biological, but concerns the innermost being of the human person as such. It is realized in a truly human way only if it is an integral part of the love by which a man and woman commit themselves totally to one another until death."

Humanae Vitae, par. 17

"Another effect that gives cause for alarm is that a man who grows accustomed to the use of contraceptive methods may forget the reverence due to a woman, and, disregarding her physical and emotional equilibrium, reduce her to being a mere instrument for the satisfaction of his own desires, no longer considering her as his partner whom he should surround with care and affection."

Casti Connubi, par. 23

"This conjugal faith, however, which is most aptly called by St. Augustine the "faith of chastity" blooms more freely, more beautifully and more nobly, when it is rooted in that more excellent soil, the love of husband and wife which pervades all the duties of married life and holds pride of place in Christian marriage. For matrimonial faith demands that husband and wife be joined in an especially holy and pure love, not as adulterers love each other, but as Christ loved the Church. This precept the Apostle laid down when he said: "Husbands, love your wives as Christ also loved the Church,"[24] that Church which of a truth He embraced with a boundless love not for the sake of His own advantage, but seeking only the good of His Spouse.[25] The love, then, of which We are speaking is not that based on the passing lust of the moment nor does it consist in pleasing words only, but in the deep attachment of the heart which is expressed in action, since love is proved by deeds.[26] This outward expression of love in the home demands not only mutual help but must go further; must have as its primary purpose that man and wife help each other day by day in forming and perfectin

MORE RESOURCES

Free Enhancing Marital Intimacy Guide for Catholic Women: 9 Skills for Body, Mind, and Spirit (for married and engaged women)

Do you want to know what is allowed for Catholics in the bedroom? The "What's Allowed List" answers 20+ questions about what is licit and illicit. ($10)

Model-free lingerie! Get 10% off with my affiliate link for Mentionables.

What gets you in the mood? That's an accelerator. What are you libido-killers? Those are your breaks. In this episode, Sarah describes common brakes and accelerators for women.  She shares some ideas for how to learn what your own personal brakes and accelerators are, and suggests how you can use this knowledge in order to optimize your love life in your marriage.

Resources mentioned in this episode.

Come as You Are, Emily Nagoski (a book by a secular researcher on female sexuality0

"Libido Killer" by Holderness Family Music (a humorous video, G-rated and safe for work)

MORE RESOURCES

Free Enhancing Marital Intimacy Guide for Catholic Women: 9 Skills for Body, Mind, and Spirit (for married and engaged women)

Do you want to know what is allowed for Catholics in the bedroom? The "What's Allowed List" answers 20+ questions about what is licit and illicit. ($10)

Model-free lingerie! Get 10% off with my affiliate link for Mentionables.

How grave do your reasons need to be to use NFP to avoid pregancy? 

The precise language the Church uses in Humanae Vitae discussing the kinds of reasons legitimating using NFP actually refers to "just reasons," "serious reasons," or "well-grounded reasons." The phrase "grave reason" is a mistranslation which gives the misleading impression that you have to be practically on death's doorstep or so broke you're eating dirt in order to use NFP to avoid. 

In this episode, Sarah looks at the categories of reasons Humanae vitae mentions, and offers some specific examples. 

She also recommends a way to pray together as husband and wife to get on the same page about your intention to avoid or try to achieve pregnancy.

Resources mentioned in the show:

Humanae vitae

Everyday in Love

"How to Talk about the Use and Abuse of Natural Family Planning and the Importance of Accuracy in Translation and Description," academic article by Kevin E. Miller in the Linacre Quarterly

MORE RESOURCES

Free Enhancing Marital Intimacy Guide for Catholic Women: 9 Skills for Body, Mind, and Spirit (for married and engaged women)

Do you want to know what is allowed for Catholics in the bedroom? The "What's Allowed List" answers 20+ questions about what is licit and illicit. ($10)

Model-free lingerie! Get 10% off with my affiliate link for Mentionables.

Can you use NFP with a contraceptive mentality? Is this something to beware of? 

No.

Sarah debunks the false worry that NFP users need to watch out for using NFP with a contraceptive mentality.

She looks at the origin of the phrase in magisterial Catholic documents in its context to discover what the "contraceptive mentality" actually refers to, and points to additional references.

References for This Episode:

Magisterial Catholic Church Documents:

Humanae vitae

Familiaris consortio (1981, St. John Paul II)

Gaudium et spes (Vatican II, read esp. paragraphs 48-52 for beautiful teachings on marriage)

The Truth and Meaning of Human Sexuality (1995, Pontifical Council for the Family)

Other References:

"NFP: The Myth of the Contraceptive Mentality," article by Fr. Ryan Erlenbush

"That Pesky 'Contraceptive Mentality,'" blog post by Christina Valenzuela of Pearl & Thistle

The Contraceptive Mentality is Real, But It's Probably Not What You Think, blog post by Simcha Fisher. 

"How to Talk about the Use and Abuse of Natural Family Planning and the Importance of Accuracy in Translation and Description," academic article by Kevin E. Miller in the Linacre Quarterly

MORE RESOURCES

Free Enhancing Marital Intimacy Guide for Catholic Women: 9 Skills for Body, Mind, and Spirit (for married and engaged women)

Do you want to know what is allowed for Catholics in the bedroom? The "What's Allowed List" answers 20+ questions about what is licit and illicit. ($10)

Model-free lingerie! Get 10% off with my affiliate link for Mentionables.