I keep lists on my phone. This is my “notes to myself” on the topic of understanding and navigating change.

* Change happens without my consent.

* When change comes, discomfort is not necessarily a sign that I’m off track.

* To my brain and body, change feels like a threat, so my most natural responses are fight, flight, or freeze. I must heed Victor Frankl’s reminder that I can make decisions between stimulus and response.

* My body loves the security of known circumstances and feelings, but the known is not good/best just because it’s known.

* When I experience change, it’s not the change I despise as much as the cost of the change.

* Very few people allow a disruptive change to do its full work. I remind myself of 2 great temptations. First, that everything in me might fight to find my way back to the first construction. Second, that everything in me might find a new identity in getting stuck in perpetual deconstruction.

* Change in me, can feel to others like a criticism of their identity. I can take care to use my words in ways that minimise this misunderstanding.

* I am prone to mourn the big losses, and not to celebrate the small gains.

* Transformation often looks like collapse, not evolution.

* During transformative collapse, everyone will have opinions and advice from their own perspective. I have to remind myself that their comments could come from a place of fear, self-preservation, mourning, care, or even jealousy.

* During transformative collapse, a few will weaponise my losses to reinforce their own narrative as the better wisdom. I will remind myself to keep character, not defend myself, and take it on the chin while my life looks like dismal failure.

* During transformative collapse, I lose social power for a time. How they use their power when I lost it, reveals more about them than me. Those who come alongside or keep my name safe in dark moments are friends for eternity, worthy of one of my kidneys.

* The visible breakthrough only happens in the last 5% of the story. So I should keep steady and recognise those who care more about the real me than the version they were comfortable with. Some of my greatest friendships were forged during times where I lost my reputation.

* When I see someone else’s life falling apart, I will take pause and remember that this is a fine opportunity to believe the best of them, even if it is inconvenient.

* When I see someone else’s life falling apart during change, I will remember that my public support and respect means more than supporting them in private only. People know when you’re willing to stick out your neck for them when they have little to offer in return.

* When I see someone else’s life falling apart, I’ll ask myself what they value so much more than being understood.

* When I see someone else’s life falling apart, I will not treat them based on how they make me feel or look, but be there for them and their becoming.

* There is no “hero soundtrack” playing while I go through the change process. There is no movie montage that speeds it up. The bravery lies in the consistency of plod.

* Sometimes, successful transformation means you now disappoint the old you.

* In all of nature, it is change and death that preserves the future. And the opposite also holds true, that resistance to change preserves the past.

* Change is proof that there is still future left. This is wildly encouraging but needs meditation to absorb the joy of it.

* Change is not just heavy and burdensome. Even while navigating it, I get the endorphins of cardio training for my soul.

* Weird one: It feels like someone’s sense of fashion and personal style often reflects the last time they fundamentally changed their mind.

* Question to myself: What does my response to change model and inspire in my children, whether they know it now or not yet?

* Question to myself: What of the old (me, views, traditions) should I preserve and integrate as part of the new, to not throw out all babies with the bathwater?

Anyways, nothing profound, but the reminders help me.If you’re interested in joining our community platform, here is the link.

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