“None of the books I read conveyed the ugly truth about caregiving: that it can destroy you – even kill you – if you go about it wrong.”

That's just a taste of the hard-hitting reality conveyed by author Martin (Marty) Schreiber in his memoir, "My Two Elaines." Elaine was Marty's highschool sweetheart and wife of 62 years when she died from Alzheimer's.

As a former governor, Marty was prepared for the political responsibilities focused on leading the State of Wisconson. As a loving husband to a wife with Alzheimer's, he floundered.

Marty talks bluntly about several aspects of caregiving:

• the benefits of being told the truth of a diagnosis
• the unique stress a husband faces when he is the caregiver
• how asking for help can challenge a man's masculinity
• how critical it is to enter your loved one's world when trying to communicate 
• the inevitable anger and frustration of trying to fix the unfixable
• the danger of trying to cope with alcohol -- what Marty calls, "the caregiver's poison."
• self-reflection, regrets, and the importance of sharing personal caregiving stories

This is a love story. Sad. Strong. Encouraging.

Martin Schreiber's website: My Two Elaines

If you're caring for a spouse with dementia and are finding it hard to tell family and friends what you're going through, send them this link to  Episode 23: The Caregiver You Love Needs Help