Have you ever talked and talked to try to resolve an issue in a relationship? Did you feel exhausted and unheard? My guest in this episode is an expert at disrupting these tiring patterns.

Couples therapist Nancy Dreyfus created a revolutionary practice that helps real people hold the power to express what they wish they could say to the person they love. Nancy is my guest in this 2013 episode and is the author of Talk to Me: Like I'm Someone You Love and has created flashcards of the same name.

Nancy wrote this book and created these cards after a particularly difficult therapy session with clients who's arguments reminded her of her parents. While the wife in this couple was yelling, Nancy wrote, talk to me like I'm someone you love, on an envelope and handed it to the husband. He simply held it up to his wife and reading it stopped her in her tracks. They walked out of that session as friends. 

On that day Nancy understood the meaning and dignity of those words. She began exploring the value of written messages. She went from sending prompts written on paper home with her clients to publishing a book and card deck. The cards include phrases like, This feels awful. Can we start again and really listen to each other?, and I realize I'm overreacting. Can you give me a minute to get sane again?

These communication strategies are all about pattern interruptions. Listen in to learn more about the different communication issues that people face in all types of relationships, how to communicate better, and how to balance speaking and listening so all parties in the relationship can be heard.

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