The relic that was once us has bid adieu to phone calls – they've upgraded to a celestial voicemail. New year, new you? Sure, but the jury's still out on the "new us." Today's lineup: silly national holidays, Legos (because who needs therapy when you have tiny bricks?), and a tragicomic encounter with "canine confetti" that'll make you question your life choices. You sure you want that puppy?