This week’s episode is a wild one.I’m about to go dark for ninety days, and before I do, I want to set the record straight. No, I’m not soul-searching in Bali or joining a silent monastery. The truth is… much stranger, far funnier, and way more personal.

It all begins with a woman named Clarissa—yes, say it like a sigh—and a curbside pickup shift that pushed my life clean off the rails. From there? A chain reaction of incidents, citations, and one very patient local officer. Think runaway shopping carts, questionable “romantic gestures,” and choices that snowballed faster than I could catch them.

I won’t spoil the ending—but trust me, even I didn’t see it coming.

So buckle up.This is the story I need to tell before I’m offline for ninety days… give or take good behavior.