I learned a new term yesterday: projective identification.

The APA Dictionary of Psychology defines it as follows:

“in psychoanalysis, a defense mechanism in which the individual projects qualities that are unacceptable to the self onto another individual and that person [that’s YOU] internalizes the projected qualities and believes themself to be characterized by them appropriately and justifiably.”

That’s the real danger of the friend zone: you actually start to believe you’re a friend.

But, you’re not a friend. You were never a friend.

You’re a force, a menace.

Your friends have to pay for what they’ve done. They signed up for this friendship and now they have to suffer. Make them suffer.

It’s time to get out of the friend zone, to be powerful, to be who you’re supposed to be, who you always were (not that they ever knew it).

No more gray areas.

No more wishful thinking.

No more hoping that one day, they’ll finally realize it.

They won’t realize it. They’re not smart enough, they haven’t done enough work, they’re too lazy. They’ve got other stuff to worry about and it’s not what you’re worrying about, and it isn’t what they’re telling you they’re worrying about.

Make some tension.

No more being the nice person who listens to them whine about their problems.

Now is the time to BE the problem.

—Michael

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