Synopsis

Trapped in a web of deceit & confusion spun by her father from the age of 11, the author shares her true story of incest in the hopes that by coming out from under years of sexual abuse, other victims will be encouraged to do the same. This is an important, no-holds-barred book complete with graphic scenes and language because "that’s the way it happened and that’s how it must be told. Victims’own voices are the best weapons against child sexual abuse." This 291-page story comes with a "trigger warning advisory" as it details the mental, physical and sexual abuse inflicted on the author by her biological father. Victims of similar abuse need to realize this story could cause flashbacks of their own as they identify with scenes and language that mirror their own experiences. Those who have never suffered sexual abuse may be shocked by what the author's father put her through and the utter control he had of all areas of her life until she finally got away. 

This book will frighten and enlighten readers as to what goes on behind the closed doors of too many homes and is rarely talked about or acknowledged, or worse yet, is even denied by family members who know it is going on. 

Excerpt

The years following that traumatic day are actually quite a blur, even more so than the ones that preceded it. All that sticks out in my mind now are incidences that cemented the hopelessness of my situation. Each event convinced me I would never escape this role my father had selected for me: I would be his mistress forever. I fantasized about escaping but I was too terrified of him to even try. I completely believed that if I were to try, that other mound of dirt in that cellar in my dream would indeed be my body and he would have put it there. 

He also very cleverly began brainwashing me. He knew how to talk, how to manipulate my feelings and fears: if I were to tell anyone, who would believe me? After all, everyone who met him found him handsome, friendly and quite charming, a father who cared greatly about his wife and daughter. To all the world he looked like a model father, albeit a strict one. So who would believe me? 

He'd reach for a cigarette after his morning dose of sex with his daughter, and before he'd let me go and get ready for school, he'd deliberate a little more about the psychology and morality of incest: 

"After all, what is so wrong about what we are doing?" he'd muse. "This is just a man and woman having sex, right?" Was he trying to convince himself or me? When I wouldn't respond one way or another, he'd try another angle: 

"Don't you realize what a wonderful thing you are doing for this family, for your mother and me? If it weren't for you, I'd probably be out having affairs with other women. And what might happen then? You would be the cause of our family breaking up if I fell for someone else." 

This soother was his justification for what he was doing. He'd drum it into my head that I was just being a really good daughter to mom and dad and keeping our family together. Wasn't that a great thing? I had no reply. The way I felt, I just wished that he would indeed find another woman and leave me the hell alone! 

As for his argument as to why I shouldn't tell my mother, I bought into it, not just because I reasoned he was right i.e. who would believe me ... but also because I simply wouldn't and couldn't hurt my mother with the truth. Furthermore, what would she think of me? Would she believe, as he insisted she would