in this s,b! live, the birds are on the arms and the brands are in hot water…

📯 RIP Ace Frehley, long live Porch Fest

🍗 Chip-dip mukbangs, but make it OnlyFans

the influencer marketing strategy?— hyper-specific CPG content— OnlyFans-style parasocial packaging— brand collabs via ranch drizzlevibe check: drip down the chin, capitalism in the comments

🐶 The petfluencer industrial complex goes full ‘pupper doggo’

a tale of two timelines: Gen Z demands intelligent animal POVs, while millennials still say pupper unironicallyplus: Chicken in a Biskit’s alt account lore, and the return of the quirk chungus

🚨 DoorDash posts apology on TikTok, forgets it exists on Instagram

a Dasher shares her assault story → gets deactivated → TikTok explodes → DoorDash issues oddly formatted Notes App apology... exclusively on TikTok

it mentions law enforcement twice, grammar zero times

calls to action: “we’re here to support” (by which we mean ban your account and center our apology text)

everyone agrees: this wasn’t it

🎄 Balsam Hill makes a Christmas king

one TikToker says he loves Christmas → gets tree of his dreams → becomes brand ambassador within 48 hrs

expect: Ralph Lauren-core, red + green maximalism, and more brands jumping under the tree

marketing strategy? pure joy + a banana for scale

👙 Victoria’s Secret returns from exile with a strong rebrand

new CEO, old angels, Missy Elliott finale

it’s giving: reheated nachos /positive, watch parties, and brand forgiveness (for now)

comments say: “might actually shop again”critics say: “this show had plot”

📌 Final Thought:There are three genders now: porch, petfluencer, and public apology.And all of them were trending this week.

🦀 Stay festive. Stay furious. Stay subscribed.

Silence, Brand! is a digital culture newsletter written by a cast of crabs unhinged brand marketing professionals and culture strategists

Ryan Benson • Dayna Castillo • Dejaih Smith • Benton Williams

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