Non-naive Naiveness

You’re not broken.

You’re just caught in a world that keeps asking you to prove you deserve love, rest, joy—anything.

This episode is about that quiet, stubborn belief deep down:

Am I really allowed to feel worthy?

Even when I’m not perfect? Even when I mess up?

I’ve often been seen as someone with high self-worth. But the truth is, worthiness isn’t something you “have” or “don’t have”—it’s something we build, slowly, from within.

In this conversation, we explore:

● Why perfection is a trap

● How self-criticism creeps in from external judgment

● The difference between inner strength and performative confidence

● And how to develop a sense of worthiness that doesn’t rely on approval

This isn’t about quick hacks. It’s about doing the quiet, honest work of meeting yourself—and deciding you’re already enough.

May you walk your path with clarity, face both success and failure with compassion, and know that every step you take is worth it.

00:10 So... what is worthiness, really?

03:39 How our inner belief system and external validation are always tugging at each other

14:10 When you don’t feel worthy, it’s easy to get trapped in the illusion of being “perfect”

15:00 Truth is, the opposite of perfect isn’t failure — our obsession with “perfect” is often just fear in disguise

16:23 We mess up out there, and somehow start doubting ourselves in here

17:10 That harsh inner voice? Watch it. You have every right to ask for what you need

19:06 My “farewell ceremony” wasn’t really about the event — it was about the people who came together

24:29 Flashback to my Chaos Academy speech: the moment I took off my heels and finally got real applause

29:46 Feeling unworthy? Happens to everyone. Seriously.

32:37 About all that talk around getting thinner—do what feels good, aim for health, not just a smaller number

34:41 If it makes me happy and I can afford it (in every sense), I deserve it

39:20 Wanting approval in a relationship? Totally normal — and often tied to our sense of worth

42:50 Talk to yourself kindly. Feel your feelings. And let yourself be human

45:32 Go live. Go feel. Every moment is part of your story

46:53Take a closer look — especially when it comes to the hard stuff in close relationships

49:44 Worthiness vs. being a little too much — how to tell the difference?

50:24 See what’s really going on, face it head-on, then do the work to grow from it

51:23 The truth might stir the pot, but it also sets people free

56:07 Success, failure — they’re just pebbles on the path. Every step still counts

BGM: It’ll Be Alright

"What if your calendar could tell the story of your life?

I once flipped through a year’s worth of my planner—365 days of scribbles, meetings, and little notes to myself—and it hit me: how I spend my time is exactly how I’m living my life.

Your relationship with time is really your relationship with yourself. The way you see your current life shapes how you use each day—and how much control you feel you have over it.

So today, I’m sharing my natural-flow approach to time management. No over-engineered systems, no color-coded chaos—just practical ways to reclaim your time and make each moment feel richer."

What you’ll hear:

01:52 — How your relationship with time mirrors how you see your life

02:52 — Self-love in action: where your time goes, your life follows

04:19 — A fresh way to measure “wealth” — not in money, but in time

05:24 — Time’s double edge: healer and trap

05:57 — Seeing the present through a “countdown” lens

07:33 — Simple tools to keep your time from slipping away

08:22 — Locking in key milestones to anchor your year

09:24 — Why time, like any rare resource, needs its own hierarchy

13:00 — Planning around geography to save hours

14:27 — My 3-part formula for annual planning

15:59 — The “time-folding” trick for single moments

18:39 — Turning life’s “in-between” moments into gold — even mid-workout

20:26 — Knowing when to use someone else’s time vs. when they need yours

22:13 — Applying time management to your relationships

25:29 — Why we stay up late just to enjoy the quiet

32:00 — Using scent to ground yourself in the present

35:00 — Staying authentic without getting swept into group emotions

36:01 — The art of feeling “complete” in the moment

41:08 — Budgeting your year for learning, work, and play

42:27 — My “do-nothing” days — and why they matter

44:21 — Should you batch time or break it up?

46:23 — Looking beyond the 1-year frame to find deeper meaning

49:48 — Aligning your actions with your goals

54:07 — One year of podcasting: the feedback that keeps me going

BGM: If I Could Turn Back Time

January 2025 is a really special month for me — I turned 40. As this milestone approached, I found myself facing again the anxiety I felt at 29. Back then, I was lost, knowing I’d be entering a new phase at 30 but unsure how to do it. Eventually, I decided to start a business. Now, at 40, that same anxiety has returned — but this time, it’s about who I really am. I realize I’m going through a kind of “shedding” process. I’m no longer just thinking about business goals; I truly want to do something meaningful for society.

So in this episode, I want to share my recent reflections on life’s purpose, love and desire, even life and death — hoping to bring you some new perspectives and feelings.

00:35 — Approaching 40, anxiety returns;

03:43 — Flashback to my lively, dramatic 25th birthday party;

06:26 — Gifts from friends pooled together;

08:01 — Inspiration from Wuzhen Theatre Festival — planning a “funeral” for my 40th;

11:19 — Destiny has reasons, but mastering yourself can raise your fate’s ceiling;

13:18 — Why is 40 called the “age of no confusion”?;

14:29 — Launching a “personal board meeting” for life;

15:57 — Exploring “how to use yourself”;

17:50 — Reflecting on my podcast’s original purpose and turning to social value;

18:04 — Why social purpose matters;

19:36 — Friend Tuobuhua’s poetic description of me;

20:25 — The vulnerability of crabs shedding their shells — a necessary growth process;

21:53 — How to reduce internal conflict — whoever apologizes grows;

22:40 — Growth is about self-awareness, not just learning skills;

23:03 — How to get along with yourself;

23:57 — Healthy relationships are between two whole individuals, not “finding your other half”;

24:42 — Loving someone without expecting anything back — but first loving yourself fully;

25:44 — Life driven by two forces: desire and love;

26:46 — Desire isn’t negative — it can bear good fruit;

28:50 — Facing and distinguishing your love and desire;

31:59 — Becoming an independent person;

32:36 — Pure love that doesn’t expect reciprocation;

34:19 — Experiencing “no-self” in religious practice;

36:35 — Being called “Yang Youli” (Always Right Yang) — but no arguing this time;

38:16 — Avoid comparing lives — everyone’s journey is unique;

39:43 — I’m neither arrogant nor humble — I want to be real;

41:38 — The inevitability of “darkness” in human nature — who are we really?;

45:10 — From “experience seeker” to “long-term thinker”;

48:27 — The beauty of life lies in its finiteness;

49:42 — Life’s richness comes from beginnings and endings, ins and outs.

Background Music: “Beauty In The Mundane”

In our journey of growth, we often hear familiar Chinese sayings like "Failure is the mother of success" and "The boat will straighten when it reaches the bridge." These age-old proverbs made sense in specific historical contexts, but today, such "social consensus" can sometimes suppress our individuality and limit how we express our views.

In this episode, we explore how to break free from these societal constraints when using these traditional Chinese sayings. We'll look at how to respect our own thoughts while also honoring the differences in how others understand the world — connecting more authentically with life around us.

Join the conversation in the comments and share your unique perspective!

01:02 Why social consensus isn't always accurate

01:37 How common proverbs can limit personality and expression

02:09 "Failure is the mother of success": The original meaning of growth

02:40 Challenging the myth that suffering is required for success

06:20 How to develop a healthy mindset toward failure — effective review and reflection

09:37 The limits of "Nothing in the world is difficult for the willing"

11:22 Why cognitive ability often outweighs effort in achieving success

13:05 Finding what you truly excel at

14:21 Facing real difficulties without blaming yourself

15:43 Trusting your body more than your mind

17:59 How perspectives evolve through different life stages

19:51 "The boat will straighten when it reaches the bridge": Fate or active choice?

20:32 Choosing to do nothing can also be a thoughtful decision

22:04 How to manage crises proactively

24:41 Planning within your ability and using results to improve

26:40 On Qiong Yao's passing: Why "轻生" (undervalue or disrespect one's own life by choosing to end it) is a problematic term

29:45 Respect goes beyond politeness — it means honoring uniqueness in yourself and others

32:00 "Travel far and read widely": Nurturing your personality and emotions

33:50 "If you're upright, don't fear crooked shadows": Justice requires evidence and proof

35:19 How rumors spread and stir emotions — a natural part of human nature

35:55 How the information we receive shapes our crisis responses

38:14 "Business fails but friendship remains": Reflections on human relationships

40:14 Breaking free from ineffective socializing today

41:53 Protecting your core feelings in relationships is your right

44:34 The pressure of "Doing the right thing at the right time" as a social template

46:45 Everyone has their own value priorities — reducing the impact of groupthink

47:53 Much of our suffering comes from conflicts between desires and social consensus

48:18 Protect your energy — become the one who controls your life's direction

Background Music: "I Bet You're Cold"

In this episode, I dive into the “bugs” — those everyday glitches and challenges — that trip us up in work and life. Drawing from your questions and comments, we explore how to confront these bugs head-on, using a strong mindset to break through obstacles and grow.

Here’s what you’ll hear:

00:10 — Bugs are just part of life; it’s how you fix them that creates the colorful moments you remember

01:22 — Q1: Feeling less fulfilled at work than in school? Here’s how to find real meaning in your job

02:39 — Build your sense of purpose from within, not by comparing yourself to others

03:37 — The thrill of new places fades fast — focus on what your current role truly needs from you

04:10 — Learn to focus your attention and say “no” when needed at work

05:48 — Understand your job’s full cycle to master how it really works

9:25 — Turn your work into a tool for self-discovery — know your strengths and weaknesses

11:36 — Use work to uncover who you really are

13:10 — Q2: Struggling to control yourself and stop procrastinating? You’re not alone

14:19 — Everyone has their own style of discipline — find yours

15:37 — Let go of what others think, and tune into what you really want

19:12 — Goals are everything; methods are just tools — find what works for you

21:23 — It took me 39 years to discover cycling — and the joy it brings

23:16 — True self-control comes from motivation, not just willpower

24:28 — Q3: How do you deal with goodbyes? Here’s how to accept them

25:48 — Fully accept yourself as just a regular person — life’s events are normal

30:19 — We’re the stars in our own stories, but just extras in others’

30:40 — Change and uncertainty are just part of life

31:05 — Most pain comes from our own false thoughts

32:56 — Q4: Starting fresh in a new field? How to get up to speed and figure out if it’s right for you

33:18 — Find your ideal role model and learn their ways

36:22 — Identify what it takes to succeed in your dream job

37:30 — Learners master knowledge; earners master social savvy and flexibility

38:55 — Life’s a giant resource exchange — the rarer and more relevant your skills, the more you earn

41:08 — Build your unique strengths consciously as you grow

BGM: Everything Must End.

People often ask me, “How do you actually become someone who truly loves themselves?”

For me, there are two keys:

First, go out and see as much of the world as you can—open yourself up to all kinds of possibilities.

Second, surround yourself with high-energy friends—immerse yourself in the kind of environment that lifts you up.

“Read thousands of books, travel thousands of miles”—that’s how I’ve nourished myself over the years, and it’s where my core confidence comes from.

I’ve always loved to travel. My independence is closely tied to those early trips my parents took me on. As I grew up, I started exploring new countries and regions on my own, walking alongside strangers and finding companionship in nature’s beauty.

For me, travel is a journey of encounter—a way to connect with the world, to discover countless ways of living. Every person and every experience I’ve met along the way has sparked new thoughts about life, taught me how to love myself, and reminded me to cherish the present moment.

I’ve collected these experiences and reflections in my book, “Adventure.”

Through my writing, I want to show you just how beautiful the process of “encountering” can be—and maybe, give you a glimpse of this wonderfully diverse world through my eyes.

00:42 What is self-love, really? Why loving yourself first changes everything

01:45 Two keys: adventure, and finding high-energy friends

03:46 “Read thousands of books, travel thousands of miles”: my secret to confidence

06:46 New journeys, new possibilities

11:55 How travel built my independence

12:49 My happiest days: Venice Film Festival

19:16 Reinventing myself after work

22:57 Once-in-a-lifetime encounters—why life is made of these beautiful meetings

25:47 How can anyone become stronger?

28:48 My inspiring friends: Uncle Kai, Esther Yu, Zhang Zihan

32:11 High energy, high EQ: don’t be a downer, avoid downers

38:43 Joyful journeys: embracing beauty, meeting the world

39:20 Seeing more than scenery: seeing people

42:09 Get out of your bubble, see the real world

42:47 Meet the world, meet others, meet yourself

BGM: “We Are Meant to Be”

A lot of people tell me, “You’re so emotionally intelligent.” I’ve taken a hard look at why they say that, and in this episode, I want to dive into what emotional intelligence really means. Unlike IQ, EQ is a mindset you can learn and improve. I’ll break down some common “stuck” scenarios, offer high-EQ solutions, and share the value system I’ve developed around EQ and personal energy.

I hope these methods help you be your genuine self—and enjoy the episode!

00:52 EQ as a“soft tool”: your ability to read people

01:50 Lessons from years as a talent manager: matching your communication to different situations

03:03 High EQ equals high energy—get results, and the energy comes right back to you

05:02 EQ may feel instinctive, but there are concrete, learnable steps

08:53 Pure altruism and pure selfishness both miss the mark on high EQ

11:34 “Self-positioning”: leverage your strengths and weaknesses to build your energy field

14:13 Understanding the “loved-or-hated” phenomenon and your innate traits

16:11 “Rely on yourself first”: the first step in EQ is using yourself effectively

19:48 Building a healthy, long-term network: create new connections and deliver ongoing value

28:26 “Do the work—deliver real results—then let your success speak for you”

32:31 Difficult conversations: how to address issues you know will hurt the other person

34:52 Building your inner support: recognizing that some decisions benefit both parties in the long run

37:12 Soothing their emotions: how to be an empathetic listener

37:45 Considering their interests and highlighting your value—finding win-win even in tough talks

39:02 The core of high EQ: meet your own needs first, then empower others

39:52 Learn to accumulate energy so EQ works for you

42:15 My stable value foundation lets me live with confidence

43:50 Put the EQ formulas into practice—here’s to becoming a high-energy person!

You think you’re just being honest.You’re expressing how you feel.You’re trying to help.

But what if… you’re actually being emotionally controlling?

In this episode, I share how a four-month trip around the world led me to a Nonviolent Communication course that completely changed how I speak, lead, and relate to others.

I talk about the “invisible violence” hidden in well-intentioned words, how we often replace listening with persuasion, and why most people don’t feel heard—no matter how clearly we think we’re talking.

This isn’t just a theory episode.It’s full of personal stories, mistakes, breakthroughs—and what I’ve learned after years of getting communication wrong.

00:23 – Why most of our pain comes from other people01:31 – The painful moment I realized: I’m a “violent communicator”02:26 – Power vs. Force: The hidden control in how we speak03:42 – What Nonviolent Communication really means (and why it works)06:52 – Why I never shy away from hard conversations07:45 – The 4 steps of NVC: Observation, Feeling, Need, Request09:52 – Are you observing—or already judging?15:57 – “I feel like…” isn’t a feeling (and why that matters)20:57 – Getting past the anger: What are they really asking for?25:50 – The mindset shift: Nonviolent Communication is a reframe27:58 – Empathy isn’t advice—it’s respectful understanding31:01 – A story from work: True respect means caring how someone feels33:40 – Empathy before agreement: the rule I live by35:23– Request vs. Demand: Why your ask might sound like pressure38:07 – When two people really understand each other—it’s magic40:11 – NVC is for emotional conversations, not office memos40:55 – Someone has to go first (even if the other person doesn’t respond)44:00 – I still mess this up—but I’m working on alignment

Ever feel like you're just... stuck? I threw open the question box across all my platforms and got hit with almost 500 responses. Turns out, we're all wrestling with the same stuff. So I picked the questions that kept showing up and went deep—no surface-level advice, just honest conversations about the messy parts of being human.

What We're Talking About:

00:27 – Why you're actually stuck (and it's not what you think) Two things solve most life problems: better information and knowing how to process it. Stop grinding harder—start thinking smarter.

02:59 – Q1: "How can you fundamentally change personality flaws?" Plot twist: Maybe you don't need to change. Maybe you just need to find where your weird works.

07:37 – Q2: How to level up when you're... well, ordinary Real talk: Books are probably the cheapest way to upgrade your brain. But don't try to leap—stack small wins instead.

08:11 – Stop trying to hack your way to success Before you ask for favors, make sure you've actually built something worth trading.

09:55 – Resources that actually help: Books: "The Feynman Technique," "Your Plans vs. Life's Plans," "Clear Thinking" Course: "The Emotional Intelligence Formula" (yeah, that's mine)

18:05 – Q3: "Do I really need a relationship to be happy?" Short answer: Nope. Long answer: Just make sure you can actually handle being alone—financially, emotionally, all of it.

22:41 – Intimate relationships aren't necessarily romantic relationships

22:47 – What real independence looks like Your world shouldn't fall apart when someone leaves. Build from there.

24:04 – Q4: The parent thing (yeah, we're going there) Sometimes making peace means accepting they'll never be who you wanted them to be. It's grief, but it's also freedom.

27:09– Stop performing for love If you're earning affection through achievements, that's not love—that's a transaction.

29:07 – Become someone you'd actually respect Independence isn't just about money. Build it everywhere—emotionally, intellectually, spiritually.

33:00– Q5: "Do you think you'll regret not traveling the world in your twenties when you hit thirty? And if saving money is the priority, how do you handle the urge to spend on experiences?" We all have different settings. The key is knowing the difference between what actually feeds you and what's just noise.

34:24 – Two questions that change everything:

1. What life are you actually designing?

2. What do you want vs. what do you think you should want?

39:57 – Q6: "Is work just... meaningless?" Start by finding value in what you're already doing. The meaning might not be in the job—it might be in how you grow through it.

45:09 – The only meaning that matters Yours. Stop chasing what looks good on paper.

48:57 – Q7: Why you shrink around successful people Ask yourself: What are you secretly trying to get from them? Desperation is loud—and they can sense it.

52:24 – Q8: "Making similar income to people who 'coast by' while doing all the dirty work yourself—how to balance your mindset?" First: You're not them. Second: This might be your growth phase, not your punishment.

56:30 – Q9: "After graduating college and failing graduate school entrance exams, how do you bounce back and take responsibility for your life?" Failed those exams again? Maybe it's time to step back and rebuild your foundation before you keep pushing.

57:23 – What I learned when I was completely lost I didn't hustle harder—I got honest. Asked questions. Talked to people. Slowed down. Eventually, things got clearer.

Looking for more life advice, anxiety help, or personal development content? This episode covers relationship problems, career advice, family issues, and practical psychology for real-world situations.

BGM: "I'm Gonna Let The Sunshine In Today" by Loving Caliber

In the last episode, I got a bit personal and shared stories from my childhood all the way to my first job.I talked about how I became who I am today—through years of learning and figuring myself out along the way.

Today I want to dive into my career journey - from working at Fan Bingbing's studio who was the biggest celebrity in China at the time to starting my own company for the past decade.This phase was all about leveling up my skills and learning how to survive in the real working world.

00:21 Quick recap of the last episode: no script, just me, going with the flow.

02:51 When opportunities show up, you take the risk—you jump.

03:33 How do you stand your ground around industry seniors? You find your edge—and double down on it.

06:47 That edge becomes your leverage.

06:54 Working with director Ning Hao taught me a lot—I was still rough, still learning.

08:08 I didn’t just want to look great. I wanted to do great work.

10:15 Imposter syndrome hit hard: surrounded by glitz, trying to keep my feet on the ground.

11:33 Leaving the team I started with took six months—and a lot of inner work.

13:02 Sometimes, the best ending isn’t staying forever—it’s watching everyone find their own light.

14:18 Life gets shaky. You need something solid to hold onto.

16:36 The world shifts, whether we’re ready or not. Either catch the wave early, or get left behind.

18:46 Growth is just a series of mistakes—if you let them teach you.

19:57 After I finally proved myself, I stopped fearing the loss of things other people value.

22:45  That’s when I created our first internal innovation challenge.

23:46 Starting something new meant figuring out where my skills and resources fit.

25:59 I built my plus-size fashion brand because I saw a real, collective need in China.

26:59 I didn’t want to be the one disrupting the equation—I wanted to add value.

28:26 Moving from backstage to the spotlight meant owning every part of the job.

29:09 I wanted to build something meaningful. First for myself. Then for others.

32:20 Success isn’t the endgame. Curiosity is. Innovation is.

33:52 Don’t be me. Be yourself.