Today on North Pole News, Peppermint Prescott breaks a story sending snowdrifts of shock across the Pole: Santa can’t fit into his suit. To get back into button-popping shape, he’s begun an intense one-week training and conditioning program led by legendary North Pole fitness guru Gorgon de la Poudre, whose motivational style has been described as “dramatic,” “inspiring,” and “loud enough to cause avalanches.”

Patty Plumbs reports live from outside the training facility, where Santa is battling kettlebell fruitcakes and sprinting through flurries under Gorgon’s theatrical guidance.

Meanwhile, Tinsel McCringle covers a caramel pipe explosion that leaves the West Wing deliciously sticky, as well as a full-scale tinsel shortage caused by a misdelivered shipment now in the paws of fashion-forward Arctic foxes.

A fast, festive, and delightfully chaotic look at the latest happenings in Santa’s world.