Notes to Her

Becoming her means making room for the woman you already are. In Note 83, Yaya shares her own goodie-goodie years, why she believes so many women adapted to belong instead of losing their confidence, and what it costs when the adapting never stops.

Inside this Note:

• Why the confident woman you picture is someone you've already met
• Yaya's goodie-goodie story and what it taught her about belonging
• What adapting to belong looks like in everyday moments
• What it costs when the adapting never stops
• Why expanding feels so uncomfortable, and why the discomfort is worth it
• One small experiment to try this week
• A reflective moment to reconnect with who you were before you started editing yourself

This is a Note to sit with. Try the one-conversation experiment this week, and share it with a friend who has been called "so easygoing."

If you're ready to practice instead of just thinking about it, here's the link to join Slay Society and start your free 7-day challenge: https://www.skool.com/theconfidentlyherco-4672/about 

Follow the podcast on Instagram at @notestoher.daily for more conversations like this one.

Becoming her means making room for the woman you already are. In Note 83, Yaya shares her own goodie-goodie years, why she believes so many women adapted to belong instead of losing their confidence, and what it costs when the adapting never stops.

Inside this Note:

• Why the confident woman you picture is someone you've already met
• Yaya's goodie-goodie story and what it taught her about belonging
• What adapting to belong looks like in everyday moments
• What it costs when the adapting never stops
• Why expanding feels so uncomfortable, and why the discomfort is worth it
• One small experiment to try this week
• A reflective moment to reconnect with who you were before you started editing yourself

This is a Note to sit with. Try the one-conversation experiment this week, and share it with a friend who has been called "so easygoing."

If you're ready to practice instead of just thinking about it, here's the link to join Slay Society and start your free 7-day challenge: https://www.skool.com/theconfidentlyherco-4672/about 

Follow the podcast on Instagram at @notestoher.daily for more conversations like this one.

This Sunday edition of Notes to Her looks at the weekly dread that settles in before Monday even starts. After reading a Wall Street Journal article on rising Sunday anxiety, Yaya is bringing the Sunday Scaries Notes back twice a month, and this first one asks what your dread is actually pointing to. She breaks down the four most common sources, from an overloaded workload to the meeting where you stay quiet, and gives you a ten-minute exercise you can do before dinner tonight.

Inside this Note:

• Why the Sunday scaries show up looking productive, and why working harder doesn't quiet them

• What a FlexJobs survey of more than 2,100 workers found, including that 57 percent get the Sunday scaries and nearly one in four get them every week

• The four sources behind the dread: workload, your manager, work-life balance, and your team

• How staying quiet in meetings can turn Sunday into a confidence conversation

• What it costs you when the dread becomes normal

• How to tell when the dread is really burnout

• A ten-minute do, say, or rest exercise for tonight

If the dread arrives every single week no matter which task is on your plate, the Burnout Recovery Blueprint was made for you. Download it here: https://theconfidentlyher.com/burnout-blueprint 

Save this Note for the next time Sunday afternoon starts to tighten, and send it to the friend who is already drafting Monday's emails in her head.

How to accept a compliment without deflecting it: I break down why you hand them back and the two-second fix in Note 81 of Notes to Her.

This one is for the woman who answers “I love your top” with where she bought it and how little it cost.

I walk through the lines we use to deflect, from “Oh, this old thing” to the compliment we fire right back, and why they leave our mouths before the kind words have a chance to land. A lot of it comes down to the opinion we hold of ourselves, and I share my own three-dollar habit from before I built my confidence.

I also cover the work version, where one compliment turns into pressure to never slip, the four costs of deflecting, and the quick check for when complimenting someone back is the real thing. You will leave with homework that takes two seconds.

ℹ️ In this video you’ll discover:

→ Why you answer a compliment with the price tag before it lands

→ Where the habit comes from and why taking credit can feel like bragging

→ The “why would they lie to you?” question that changes how a compliment sounds

→ How one compliment at work can turn into pressure to never slip

→ The four costs of handing compliments back

→ How to tell whether complimenting someone back is real or a deflection

→ The two-second shift: pause, say thank you, and stop talking

Ready to build the confidence underneath the reflex? Here’s the link to download the free Confidence Starter Kit: https://theconfidentlyher.com/confidence-kit

Make sure you’re subscribed so you don’t miss Note 82, You’ve Always Been Built for More, and follow @confidentlyherco for more reminders between episodes.

Have you ever told a friend you would never put up with what she puts up with, and then canceled on yourself for the fourth time that week? In Note 80, I talk about why the people around you follow your lead, and why the way you treat yourself is the first lesson anyone gets about how to treat you.

We get into where the habit of putting yourself last comes from, what the quiet tally of over-giving does to a relationship, and who owns what when someone treats you badly. I also give you three small moves to try this week, and they are small on purpose.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• Why people read how you treat yourself before they hear what you ask for
• Where the habit of putting yourself last comes from
• What the pattern costs you in love, friendship, and family
• Who owns what when someone treats you poorly
• Three small moves to start changing how people respond to you

If you have ever said “I don’t mind” when you did mind, this Note is for you. If you want help changing the pattern one-on-one, you can learn about The Confidently Her Method, my 16-week private coaching program, at https://theconfidentlyher.com/her-method

If you have ever bought the planner, set the 5AM alarm, and quit by Wednesday, this Note explains what was really going on. Yaya breaks down why your brain keeps receipts on every promise you make to yourself, and why a habit that takes 60 seconds or less rebuilds that trust faster than a perfect routine ever could. You will leave with a three-step loop you can start tomorrow morning.

Inside this Note:

• why your pep talks fall flat when your brain does not trust your follow-through yet

• how a ten-step morning routine quietly hands you ten chances to break a promise

• the 60-second habit and the worst-morning test for choosing yours

• Yaya's story of opening the blinds when a major life reset felt out of reach

• the three-step loop: pick it, attach it to something you already do, and celebrate it out loud

• what to do on the day you miss, and why coming back is the strongest proof of all

Want to build the habit alongside other women? Join the 7-Day Reset inside Slay Society. You pick your 60-second habit, keep it for seven days, and check in with a room full of women doing the same thing. Your first seven days are free. Here's the link to join: https://www.skool.com/theconfidentlyherco-4672/about

Save this Note for Sunday night, pick your habit, and send it to the friend who keeps buying planners.

Some women can tell you what everyone around them needs and go blank when somebody asks what they want. In Note 78, Yaya talks about how years of "I'm fine with whatever" quietly turn into feeling stuck, and how to find the woman you were before everyone needed something from you. 

The episode ends with three questions to ask yourself and two small practices you can start this week.

Inside this episode:

• How "I'm fine with whatever" starts as kindness and ends in a blank when somebody asks what you want

• Where the habit comes from, including being praised for being the easy one

• Why being needed can become your only proof that you matter

• The three costs: not knowing what you like, a tiredness sleep does not fix, and feeling stuck

• Why guilt shows up when you start saying what you want, and why it fades with practice

• Three questions for meeting the woman you were before everyone needed something from you

• A twenty-minute practice and a one-real-answer-a-day practice to start this week

If you feel stuck and want company while you work this out, join the Get Unstuck Challenge inside Slay Society. It is a 7-day challenge for the woman who feels stuck, and your first week is free. Here's the link to join: https://www.skool.com/theconfidentlyherco-4672. Save this Note for the woman who needs it.

Note 77 starts with a question many women avoid: if a friend skipped plans without a text, you would say something that day, so why does it take two days to draft a message when a partner does the same thing? Yaya defines the bare minimum, explains how asking slides into begging, and shares the story of a client named Renee (name and details changed) who rewrote the same text four times. You will leave with a three-step way to ask once, watch what happens, and decide without sending reminders.

Inside this episode:

• What the bare minimum includes in a relationship: replies, plans kept, and the truth
• The friend test, and why we hand partners allowances we would never give a friend
• What begging sounds like in real life, from the gentle reminder text to planning every date yourself
• The difference between asking once and begging
• Where women learn to audition for love, especially high achievers
• Renee’s story, and what changed when she stopped managing his effort
• A three-step way to ask, watch, and decide, plus what to do with the time you get back
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If you saw yourself in Renee, The Confidently Her Method is Yaya’s 16-week one-on-one coaching program for building the confidence underneath the pattern, so holding your standard stops feeling like a fight with yourself. Here’s the link to learn more about The Confidently Her Method: https://calendly.com/confidentlyherco/application

This is an episode to save for the next time you catch yourself drafting a message for the third time. Journal on the reflective questions at the end, and send it to the friend who tells you the truth.

After 90 days of locking in, Yaya shares what the experience taught her about confidence, and it all starts with keeping the promises you make to yourself. She walks through lessons on discipline, rest, doubt, support, and celebrating your wins, including the one she is still learning. It is a practical listen for any woman getting ready to lock in for the rest of the year.

Inside this episode:

•       Why every promise you break to yourself quietly weakens your trust in your own word

•       How discipline starts to feel like self-trust when you keep showing up

•       Why a smaller version of your goal keeps the promise alive on low-energy days

•       Why rest and fresh air belong in a lock-in plan from day one

•       How to curate what you let in so doubt stops getting invitations

•       Why support from women you have never met matters, and why your friends still need a little of your time

•       Why celebrating your wins is how your brain registers the proof that you can trust yourself

This is an episode to save before you start your own lock-in. If you would like a community of women to keep your promises alongside, here is the link to join Slay Society, and your first 7 days are free: https://www.skool.com/theconfidentlyherco-4672/about 

When your confidence and healing move faster than the people around you, friendships can get awkward fast. 

In Note 75, Yaya talks about why some friends take your growth personally, what usually sits underneath that reaction, and how to stay honest and kind without going back to the version of you that kept everyone comfortable. If you have ever edited yourself around a friend you love, this one is for you.

Inside this episode:

•       Why your calm can look like coldness to a friend who wasn't there for what changed you

•       How two women can have two completely different relationships with the same kind of past

•       Three reasons a friend might react badly to your growth: the mirror, jealousy, and plain confusion

•       What it costs you to shrink or drift away to keep the peace

•       The one question to ask before you share an honest opinion with a friend

•       How to say it once, with love, and then let her make her own choices

•       How to adjust your closeness with a friend without pulling your love away

This is an episode to sit with. Think about the friend you have been editing yourself around, then send her this Note. And if you are ready to build your confidence from the inside out, download the Confidence Starter Kit here: https://theconfidentlyher.com/confidence-kit