Remember that movie about sinking oceancraft that James Cameron made? No, not that one — The Abyss, the 1989 deep-seacret movie with Ed Harris and Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio. We dive in (HA!) to the 171-minute special edition, to solve such mysteries as what mysterious deep-ocean creatures might look like (answer: glowing vibrators); whether the Bechdel Test works underwater (answer: yes and no); and which suspenseful moments were the results of great acting and which were from Cameron being a jerk (answer: mostly B).

My least favorite character was Michael Biehn’s mustache.

Podcasters: Robert, Tim, Dana, Kathleen

Who ya gonna call? Someone who has access to the movie Ghostbusters, because that’s what we’re watching for Halloween week.

Check us out on Twitter (@hiddendeadly or #oldvgold).