I'm recording this on the way to my first antenatal class of 2026. I'm all for New Year's resolutions, but here's what I care about more: the quality of your relationship with yourself while working towards your goals. We set these black and white objectives without thinking about the cost. Are we already judging the old version of ourselves? Setting ourselves up for shame?

I think about it like driving a kid to their first day of grade one. You wouldn't tell them kindergarten was useless. But that's how we talk to ourselves with resolutions. The road to goals isn't linear. If we've decided the old version is bad, we create constant opportunities to shame ourselves. Find phrases that feel like a supportive parent rooting for you, making it clear you don't have to prove anything to be loved. You're already worthy right now.

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Dr. Tarryn Kawalsky came on to talk about something I've been thinking about constantly since becoming a mother: the massive gap between what women experience in their bodies and what the medical system actually addresses. She's a GP, co-founder of The Ovarian Club podcast, and she spent her community service year in obstetrics and gynecology at a top South African hospital where she witnessed firsthand how women get dismissed.

The statistics are wild. Women weren't required to be included in clinical trials until 1990. One in ten women has endometriosis, but doctors aren't taught to ask about painful periods during routine visits. Tarryn talks about patients coming in with completely unrelated complaints, and when she asks basic questions about their menstrual cycle or perimenopause symptoms, suddenly there's this whole other picture. Women reporting crippling pain every month but thinking it's normal. Women put on antidepressants in their forties without anyone checking if it might be perimenopause first. Hormone replacement therapy that could prevent bone density loss and cardiovascular problems isn't even available in the public sector.

What landed for me is how Tarryn had to actively unlearn her male-centric medical training. She's teaching herself to treat symptoms even when biomarkers look "normal," to believe women when they say something's wrong, to actually listen instead of just checking boxes. We talked about postpartum care being basically nonexistent after six weeks, about how chewable Viagra exists while ovarian cancer gets a fraction of the research funding, about the difference between doctors who listen and doctors who don't. Her message to women: know your symptoms, don't let yourself be gaslit, seek second opinions. Your body is yours and you know it better than anyone else.

Connect with Tarryn:

The Ovarian Club - https://linktr.ee/theovarianclub

Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/theovarianclub/

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Terrance Mentor is a South African content creator, writer, and speaker known online as AfroDaddy. He uses humor and authenticity to share his experiences as a father, advocating for positive masculinity, diversity, and mental health awareness. He's been doing this work for 10 years, and he believes that if you want to advance motherhood, look at the fathers. When fathers are emotionally and physically present, the biggest winners are the fathers themselves, but the second biggest winners are the mothers.

We talk about how our generation is the first to attempt egalitarian parenting, and we're doing it clumsily while the world falls apart around us. Just one generation ago, fathers weren't even expected to be in the delivery room. Terrance explains that fatherhood needs to start before you have a child by examining how you were fathered, and then gatekeepers like hospital staff, schools, and family members need policies that always include fathers. But most importantly, fathers need to talk about their experiences. It took Terrance five years of doing AfroDaddy before a dad told him he felt less alone and more empowered. The first active fathers group he joined was literally last week.

What's missing from the conversation is the why of fatherhood. Not the practical how-to stuff, but why any man would want to do this. Terrance describes coming home to an 18-month-old running into his arms shouting "dadda" as the best thing he'll ever experience. Your relationship with your child is the only relationship you get to define completely. But fatherhood is fragile, like an embryo. One criticism can make a dad step back entirely. We discuss maternal gatekeeping, the "same team" mantra he uses with his wife, and why society needs to celebrate dads stepping up without adding more labor to moms' lists. The goal is simple: make dads flex their fatherhood loudly and proudly.

Connect with Terrance:

Website: www.afrodaddyonline.com

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/afrodaddyct/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/AfroDaddyCT/

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Catriona Boffard is a clinical sexologist, psychotherapist, and sexuality researcher who hosts the podcast Asking for a Friend. She's completing her doctorate in psychotherapy and works with people facing challenges in their sexual experiences, particularly women dealing with sexual pain. I reached out to her because sexuality is such an important part of being alive, and as a therapist, I see it as a significant aspect of someone's life force. It tells us so much about who we are and what we desire.

Catriona explains that sexual health is just another pillar of our wellbeing, yet it's often excluded from healthcare conversations. Clinicians don't feel comfortable talking about sex because of their own shame, so clients don't think they can bring it up. She works with people experiencing difficulties like vaginismus and anorgasmia, and the number one intervention is giving people permission. Permission to not want something, permission to want something, permission to realize there's nothing wrong with them. The factors contributing to sexual difficulties are multifactorial: strict religious or cultural messages, trauma, negative sexual experiences, relationship dynamics, parenting stress, medications, neurodiversity, and education. South Africa has a risk and safety-focused sex education curriculum rather than pleasure and consent-focused, which leaves huge gaps.

We talk about how sex is the most vulnerable space we can step into with another person. Good sex isn't about how many orgasms you have or how often you do it. Research on magnificent sex shows people talk about being present, transcendence, and expert communication. Catriona introduces the four C's of sex: connection, creativity, curiosity, and compassion. We discuss how porn is acting, how Gen Z has more terms and fluidity but still struggles with shame, and how heterosexual women find sex far more satisfying in midlife when they stop caring what their bodies look like. The cultural and social scripts we inherit get in the way of our bodies' natural wisdom about pleasure and connection.

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Website: https://catrionaboffard.com/

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Podcast : https://catrionaboffard.com/490-2/

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I want to talk about play and why adults need it in their lives. During COVID lockdown, I had this insight that part of our cultural depression wasn't just fear or worry, it was that we weren't enjoying ourselves enough. Since becoming a parent, I've experienced a huge sense of loss for opportunities to play, and I think many of us feel this way as adults.

I have a challenge for you. Think back through your entire life and remember what you did for play. Construction and Lego, imaginative role play, physical games, sports, social activities, dancing, reading, hiking, music. Not everything works for everyone, but what are your things? What gets your heart racing and connects you to your wants and desires? Spend time fantasizing about what you miss most, then figure out what aspects you can still fit into your daily routine, weekly schedule, or monthly calendar.

If you're a parent thinking you have no time, I understand completely. It's not all or nothing. We owe it to our children and ourselves to carve out space for play, to access those parts of ourselves that aren't responsible or in service of others' needs. You come back better, stronger, more fulfilled, and able to give more to the people in your life. As a parent, it's actually our responsibility to offer this to ourselves.

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In this episode, I’m joined by Kirsty Melmed, the woman behind Brave Mamas and a fierce advocate for real, grounded support for mothers. Kirsty brings the kind of honesty that makes you exhale. We talked about the messy middle of motherhood, the moments that break us open, and the kind of community that helps us rise again.

Kirsty didn’t step into this work from theory, she lived it. After postpartum depression, anxiety, and the quiet rage and overwhelm so many mothers know but rarely name, she found herself isolated and questioning whether she was meant for motherhood at all. A WhatsApp support group opened her eyes to the power and pitfalls of mom communities, and ultimately pushed her to create something new: a psychologically safe space for mothers to be seen, heard, and resourced.

We explored what mothers really need, not advice, not perfection, but belonging, shared wisdom, and someone to witness them in their becoming. Kirsty speaks candidly about resentment, the default parent load, the courage it takes to ask for help, and how brave it is simply to show up as a mother in a world that still expects us to do it all, quietly and alone.

This conversation is a reminder that mothers don’t need to earn support, they deserve it. And when women gather, reflect, and hold each other with care, they don’t just survive motherhood, they rise inside of it.

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I want to talk about what feels like the most fundamental truth about being human, and that's love. To me, therapy is love. The work I do is about aligning with what I believe is the fundamental organizing principle of humanity, that we connect to each other through love. Love is a feeling, but it's also an energy, an experience of something beyond us. What some call God or faith or mystery, I call love.

Many religious and cultural systems claim to be about God but aren't actually loving in their nature. They're about control, telling people how to live, who to love, what's acceptable. They use fear as an organizing principle. We're just as capable of connecting to love as we are vulnerable to having fear dominate us. Love is about acceptance and allowing, not control. Therapy is often a space where people meet themselves in an environment that accepts and allows who they are without having to contort or conform. That's love. When we feel loved, we blossom.

I see love everywhere. In the Springboks, who I believe win not just because of strategy but because Rassie Erasmus leads with love, because the players love each other and South Africa. Not in a nationalistic way, but in a way where our hearts feel warm thinking about this country and each other, even with our differences. I see love in people who've been hurt but stay open, who become loving parents despite their own wounds, who believe another love story might be around the corner. We're naturally loving creatures. We have to be taught to fear. Turn away from anyone who teaches you to live in fear instead of leading with your heart.

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I sat down with Zakeeya Patel, actress, dancer, and storyteller, for a conversation that turned into something much deeper than I expected.

Zakeeya is known for her vibrant energy on screen, but in this episode, she brings her full, unfiltered self to the couch. We spoke about how she learned to honor her intuition, navigate visibility as a woman of color in entertainment, and embrace the in-between spaces of identity, belonging, and purpose.

We traced her journey from performer to seeker, from shaping characters on stage to shaping her own inner world. Zakeeya opened up about what it means to truly listen to the body, to hold both ambition and surrender, and to let life’s transitions refine rather than define you.

What struck me most was her honesty about the cost of being “seen.” Behind the glamour lies the work of self-compassion, boundaries, and learning how to stay rooted when everything around you demands performance.

Our conversation became a meditation on wholeness, how creativity, spirituality, and mental health intersect when we allow ourselves to be real, not just remarkable.

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I've been thinking about how being a psychologist and a parent at the same time is really hard. After 14 years of practice, I've heard so many stories of messed up childhoods and adults who resent their parents. Now when I'm parenting my own kids, I can almost anticipate which moments will become their therapy stories one day. That weight sits heavy.

Then there's the comparison trap. My clients tell me about difficult parenting moments they feel ashamed of, and I'm sitting there thinking I would've handled that so much worse. They're describing what they consider their worst moments, and I'm realizing they're more patient and mindful than I am on a regular day. Beyond that, there's the emotional depletion. On days when I've seen lots of clients, I come home to my kids with so much less to offer them. They need emotional regulation, presence, patience, and some days I've already given all of that away.

What bothers me most is how psychology has given us just enough information about early development to use it against ourselves. We know attachment matters, we know security matters, but instead of building support systems for parents, we've just raised the stakes and made everyone more perfectionistic. Every day feels like walking a tightrope where you're either building your child's security or destroying it, and that's way too much pressure to carry alone.

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I sat down with Claire van Dyk, an HPCSA-registered counselor working for the Western Cape Department of Health, and honestly, this conversation shook me. Claire reached out to be on the podcast because she's passionate about having uncomfortable conversations about mental health care inequality in South Africa—and we went there. We traced how colonialism and apartheid created the massive discrepancy between private and public mental health services that we're still living with today.

The numbers tell the story. One psychiatrist for every 3.3 million people in rural public areas, sometimes none at all. Eighty percent of our population depends on public healthcare, but only 5% of the health budget goes to mental health. Claire describes sessions in rooms without locks, folders going missing, months-long waiting lists, and cases far beyond what her scope technically covers. Not because she's overreaching, but because the need is that overwhelming.

I told Claire I felt the same during my community service. We both trained as caring professionals wanting to help, then found ourselves trying to offer something meaningful in chaotic, under-resourced environments while clients dealt with ongoing trauma. We landed somewhere unexpected, though. Maybe the work isn't about having every clinical tool to fix everything. Maybe it's about being present with someone for 30 minutes who finally gets to be heard without judgment. We explored what's actually in our power versus what we have to accept as unresolvable, and why that's not the same as giving up.

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