Wherever shalt thou see a man on horseback, there also shalt thou see a horse's ass. And sometimes more than one of them, too. That's Scripture, son!

There would be less pearl-clutching in the national media over Orange Julius Caesar doing exactly what we all expected he would do had some button-down editors worn their family jewels to the Big Dance.

Alas, they did not, and now they are shocked — shocked! — that a circus needs clowns.

Fanfare and gibbons from Freesound. "Out of Step" from Zapsplat. Folding chair to the skull from YouTube. Everything else is the fault of the proprietor.