Do you ever feel out of control? Sometimes? Do you get frustrated with the things you attempt to control, knowing or quickly realizing that you can only do your part and cannot control the entire situation? Control when we feel out of control or have no control over certain things, we become frustrated, irritated on, done. On today's podcast, the issue of control is the topic. I'm Sandra Vernon and you are listening to the art of connection, so I'm today's topic. I'll be speaking about control out of control or in control. It is a stressor of life until you realize this secret. This is a good news and bad news scenario. Okay? Sounds a bit crazy. I know, but hang in there with me. The whole issue of control is just a perspective shift. Really. That's all it is. I want to challenge you to make a perspective shift cleaned to the perspective that it is good news, that there is not a whole lot in your life. You and I can control. That's really good news. It lets us off the hook. How is that you ask? Well, as we let ourselves off the hook from being a champion for every cause, from taking care of everyone's problems, from attempting to control everything in our realm, we learned this as really good news because there's a whole lot in life that is not within our control though we'd like to and those things that are not in control or in our control. Those are the things that bring us frustrations. So for instance, we cannot control how our children behave 100 percent of the time. I'm sure many of you have experienced like I have going to a diner or to a party and only having your children behave in a way you know you did not teach them to behave or we can't control how our spouse interacts in social events. They may say certain things or do certain things that us we're. We're thinking, oh my goodness, why did he or she do that, but it's not in our control or it's not in our control how politics are done or how people treat one another and the list goes on. I would like. I would imagine you can think of more scenarios of things we would like to control, but we can't, so what is within our control, a very powerful bit is within our control. It is so powerful. It makes changes to our life in our thinking. So what is within our control, our thought life. This is within our control, how we manage our thought life is within our control and our response to life circumstances and life's happenings and the outcomes in life. This to a degree is within our control. How we respond to each of these circumstances, happenings or outcomes. We can control our response. We can control our thought life and we can control what we're going to fill our thought life width. So we are each in charge of our thought life. We each are in charge of how we will manage our thoughts and how we will fill our minds. What Diet will we feed our minds and our brains. This is within our control and how we respond to these things. This too is within our control and that's really good news. The things we can control are amazingly powerful things and we can to a degree control how we spend our time. We can control our thoughts and our responses and the actions that follow our thoughts, which leads me to the three key words as it applies directly and specifically to our individual lives. Here are the three perspective changing words. Remember, these three words apply to our thoughts, our responses, our actions. So what are these three words? I am responsible, responsible for my thought life, responsible for my actions and responsible in my response to circumstances and outcomes. These are the areas of life that are within our ability to control and therefore we can say, I am responsible, I am responsible for my thought life and what I fill my mind with. I am responsible for my actions and how I choose to treat others. I am responsible and it is within my control to determine my response. In any given circumstance, I am responsible for how I will spend the 24 hours given to me each day. Those are pretty powerful things that we are in control of and it will change our life. So more good news I hear by relieve you of the idea that you must be in control of and responsible for everyone else. I encourage you to work on the areas of your life that you can control. You can choose what to think on, what brain food are you feeding, your hungry mind? We can fill it with dark and angry things. There is certainly an open buffet menu of that around us or we can fill and feed your mind with positive things, true things, things that edify and build up. One another encouraging and helpful things that help us grow. We can choose what to listen to and what we will fill our mind. For instance, what type of music with its powerful message do you choose? Listened carefully to the words, what type of podcast? What type of opinion journalism do we pay attention to? These all impact our minds. What I'm suggesting is something that must be practiced just as our physical bodies need nourishment to function well and enjoy good health. So to our minds and science confirms what we already know, that our mind and our bodies are interlinked. Her body's in a sense our Avatar, while our mind, our soul indwells, our Avatar, how we care for our body, or we can call it our Avatar, impacts our mind and soul, just as what we fill our minds impacts our soul and how we move about life in our body, beaten down with stinking thinking is eventually revealed in the care of our body, such as never really getting dressed, not walking about with confidence and joy. Stinking thinking is within our control to exterminate, but like any extermination project, it takes work. So choose how you will respond to any given situation. It's a mindset that we must practice and make a choice to do. This is not to say that you must anticipate each situation, but that you purpose to respond in a positive light rather than the worst case scenario or a negative light. And oftentimes this means pausing before responding. So let me give you an example or two from my life. For instance, if I expect a friend to call me back, ready with some news and, and, uh, perhaps having some kind of social plans and she doesn't call me, I can immediately jumped to, oh great. She doesn't really care about me. She's angry with me. Um, I'm not that important to her or I can pause and think she's probably busy. Perhaps something came up. Perhaps there's an illness in her family. This is where I can choose how I'm going to respond to a situation that's out of my control. I don't know why she didn't call, but I did take the time to respond in a way, putting myself into her story and what may have been. I'm learning that to take the time to stop and think before I respond makes a huge difference. And also I'm finding the practice of putting myself in to that other person's story helps also stopping and thinking in a way, walking in their shoes before I respond or jump to negative conclusions. So I purpose in my mind to respond in a way that's going to be in a positive light and perhaps be empathetic towards what my friend might be going through so we can also choose how we will spend our days. There are commitments such as work and childcare and we need time for sleep and nutrition. We choose how to fill the hours of myths, these commitments, and it's amazing to find that we actually have many hours that we can choose how to spend time and how we're going to fill our minds. I like to suggest to my ladies with a face society to do a daily delight and this is something that I am encourage women to continue to do. Why? Because it's not only good for us physically and mentally, but it also nourishes our soul, that the challenge is to pursue 20 minutes of delight each day and it pays off in huge debit dividends as well as it affects those around you. The daily delight challenge simply requires you do something for 20 sustained minutes, something that you enjoy. It could be reading a book, watching a movie, sitting on a park bench and enjoying the fresh air or out with a friend for coffee. Do something that you can delight in each and every day and watch how your mind shift changes. In essence, you are getting your cup filled so you can pour it out into others' lives. It's not a selfish endeavor. It's actually a very positive good endeavor. This daily delight pursuit, so daily delight. This too is within our control. It is a choice to add it to how you will spend some of your 24 hours and it's just 20 minutes choices. In summary, the things that are in our control are what we will think on, how we will respond, what words will we use? How will we spend our days and the actions or deeds within our days. So what will you think on affirmations? If you were to journal all your thoughts, what might you find? Are they positive life giving and life building thoughts? Just think of some of the self talk you do. Do you honor and celebrate your daily accomplishments regardless of the size and scope, or do you more often remind yourself of a negative messages heard through the years or do you remind yourself that I didn't get anything done? I only got the laundry folded. Celebrate that to begin the practice and cultivation of positive thoughts. I like to use index cards with statements that encouraged me. We need to speak to ourselves as we speak to others that we care about in a positive, uplifting, building up manner. It takes practice. For instance, with exercise and affirmation. Every day I exercise, I get stronger and more healthy and not this not this message. I need to exercise so I won't be or stay fat. That's a negative statement or this affirmation. I will read one song and one proverb each day. Not this. Don't say this to yourself. I haven't yet done this, but I need to do this so I'm a better person or I should get to this every day. Don't make it a should. Make it a positive affirmation. I will read one song and one proverb each day to build my mind. Eliminate any negative bent on your message to yourself. Write down the message you want to speak to yourself. Look for any negative words if need be, rewrite it, and if you need help, you can dm me at face society on either instagram or facebook. I would be happy to help you out here. It does take practice, but it's so worth it. Brain food, books, podcast, music. They all impact our thought life, the thing we are in control of. If you're ready to make a change, it is time to do an evaluation. Then a clearinghouse of what you fill your mind with what you put in your mind will spill out in words and actions and attitude. So ask yourself, what kind of diet are you giving your mind and how will you respond? Think of the other person's story. As I said in my example, try to put yourself in their shoes before responding or jumping to a conclusion. This prevents us from responding in irritation, annoyance or anger because their story, their opinion, their perception difference from years. No matter how strong your conviction is that you are right, ask the other person more about their story. Yes, they may use the contemporary catchphrase their truth, but we know it's a story or their perception or their opinion. Listen intently. Listen, ask questions and then be slow to respond. Slow and thoughtful. This takes practice, but with anything, if it's worth pursuing, it takes effort and again, this will pay off hugely in your relationships. Think about what words will you use. It's a practice to be positive and using uplifting words. Slow to speak, slow to respond, slow things down on your end and allow yourself time to formulate words that are for Edification, Aka building others up with practice and over time you'll change your default response from the negative to the positive, and I guarantee all of us default to the negative. It's what we do naturally, but I challenges ladies to think on the positive practice. Fill your mind with those positive things and then how will you spend your days, your schedule, your time, your days are within your choice and power to control your schedule shouldn't run you. You should be able to run your schedule. There are work day hours, childcare and family time, sleep, meals, and we have some ability to control these events, but more importantly, how we'll use the rest of your time, meal time and family time. We have the power and a bit of control. How this is spent, is it hurried and hectic with a dash of chaos or perhaps it's even nonexistent? Is it within your sphere? It is within your sphere and realm of control to change this. This goes for time with children and time with family sleep. This is a priority because our brains more than our body needs. The average eight hours of sleep each night to function well. This to a degree is within our control, but how we use our nighttime ritual to cultivate good sleep is within our control too. I highly recommend limit the blue screen time. Eliminate any kind of blue screen time, at least an hour before bed. Wind down from work, no working right up until you hit the Hay. There are things we can control in the nighttime ritual that will help with sleep and your work day, your employer, or if you're self employed or an entrepreneur, you dictate the hours you work each day, each week, but within those hours is flexibility. How you spend your time that's within your choice and the remaining time. How do we spend it? It is within our control to choose what to do with these hours on average, after we get our sleep, after we have our meals, after we do our work, we each have a surplus of about 30 hours a week. I was surprised at that statistic, so how will you use this gift of time? Let's make it perfect, purposeful living life with intent. These things are within our control, but it is a weary process of change on our own. The only true way to have the sustainable change is to have a new nature, a new mind, and a new life. When you get a new home item like a vacuum cleaner or a closet organizer or Taurus toys for your children, there's almost always the manufacturer's directions. The designer of the product provides directions to either put the item together and let you know how it is best used via the design, so too with our life. Humanity is by design. The manufacturer of life knows how best we live it according to his design to be fully satisfied, we must be fully fulfilled in our nature and this is done in Christ alone, created in his image by design. We are most happy and fulfilled living life according to the manufacturer's directions. So first we love God with all our heart, mind, soul and strength. Then we're able to love others. We learned to put off the old way of living, Aka the self centered, self absorbed way of living and put on the new way of living in Christ Jesus. This still requires some self focused and that we reflect and meditate and no longer let the things that hinder our purpose remain in our life and what might these things be. A lot of them, it's different according to each person. It is a personal thing. Specific for summit maybe absorbed the time of the gym and getting a ripped body for others. It might be eating not for nourishment, but just to feel better. For some, it may be absorbing with the absorption, with the being the best mom.

Stay at home mom, homeschool mom. These are good things as long as they are, as long as they're not all consuming things that hinder us from our God ordained purpose in life, so renewing our mind. The areas within our control are the areas that Jesus asks us to surrender to him and in so doing there is peace. There is purpose and there is a sigh of relief that we don't have to fix it all. We do our part, filling our mind and our thoughts with good things and making our words go through this same gatekeeper of evaluation. Before you reply to someone or even want to speak things, ask yourself is what I want to say true is what I want to say. Honorable. Is it commendable? In other words, is it all a good benefit to the listener and in doing our part, we then allow God to do his work in our life because to love others? Well, we must first love God, loving God and abiding in his presence is what empowers us to each to reach out to others in love and compassion, so feeling out of control. It is an uncomfortable feeling to put it mildly, like a whirling dervish. We try to do so many things, fix so many things, control so many things that we feel are left feeling on done and out of control and sometimes our our emotions run a mock, not a pleasant place to be or dwell, and sometimes we are frustrated at the lack of control in our life. It is annoying until we remember this frustration signals that we are picking up things that are not ours to deal with today. I am this episode encouraging you to control what is in your realm, your thought life, your response to life, your action in your life, and how you're going to spend your time. I'm here to help you in this journey to awaken to the purpose of your life. Drop me a DM on face. Sit either on instagram or on facebook, and if you'd like the opportunity to work with me, I'm here for you. Thanks for tuning in today. This is Sandra Vernon with faces it and you've been listening to the art of connection. Please consider subscribing to the art of connection so you can receive the latest episodes or even those back in the archive, and then if giving a rating that would be terrific too. I would really appreciate it.