Out of My Mind

“I was never in the same institution twice. One was like the best Betty Ford Clinic – all tempura fish and espressos and people walking around with floaty scarves. And then there was the other extreme, with padded walls and barbed-wire fences.”

In her 20s, Taimi Allan is told she faces a life of institutionalisation and crippling psychiatric drugs. She’s not so sure about that.

* Content warning: Discussion of suicide.

* If you want to talk to a trained counsellor, call or text for free to 1737.

* www.stuff.co.nz/outofmymind

* Taimi is CEO of mental health charity Changing Minds. Learn more at changingminds.org.nz 9biu9iz9

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“The Foreign Legion parachute out of aeroplanes, fight wars and slither through jungles, and for some people that might have some appeal. But for me it was an opportunity to reboot and start again.”

– Andy Cawston decides that abandoning his family, his home and his career to take up arms abroad will solve all his problems. It takes a while to figure out that the answers in fact lie much closer to home.

* Content warning: Discussion of suicide.

* If you want to talk to a trained counsellor, call or text for free to 1737.

* www.stuff.co.nz/outofmymind

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“When my father arrived his face morphed into something really devil-like. People that I loved shape-shifted right in front of me. And you can't stop it just because you don't believe it's true.”

— Karlo Mila is overcome by terrifying visions and voices while visiting Tonga, and is told it is psychosis. Many years later, though, she starts to question what was really going on when her reality fractured.

* Content warning: Strong language; discussion of suicide.

* If you want to talk to a trained counsellor, call or text for free to 1737.

* www.stuff.co.nz/outofmymind

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“We put ourselves in glossy brochures looking the perfect picture of what we want the public to believe we are. It wasn't until it all exploded that I really realised what was going on in my head.”

– Senior politician Jami-Lee Ross’s breakdown in late 2018 was played out in the glare of constant media attention. He walks us through his year from hell.

* Content warning: Strong language; discussion of suicide.

* If you want to talk to a trained counsellor, call or text for free to 1737.

* www.stuff.co.nz/outofmymind

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“That damned voice was going round and round in my head: ‘Why can't you do this? Plenty of other mothers manage to defrost chicken without burning down the house. And sure, they get angry at their kids but they don't lash out.’”

– “Hanna” holds it together after the birth of her first child, but when a second arrives, hormonal swings, relationship stresses and past traumas push her to the brink of catastrophe.

* Content warning: Strong language; discussion of suicide.

* If you want to talk to a trained counsellor, call or text for free to 1737.

* More info on post-natal depression at tinyurl.com/pnd-info

* www.stuff.co.nz/outofmymind

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“I’ve tried a lot of things trying to feel better: Meditation. Hot yoga. Cycling. Saunas. Cold showers. More sleep. Less sleep. Acupuncture. Therapy. I tried giving up caffeine and it was awful! I believe in the power of a cup of tea.”

— Acclaimed poet and author Ashleigh Young is tired of the side-effects of her depression medication. But what do you do when trying to quit a drug makes you feel worse than ever?

* Content warning: Strong language; discussion of suicide.

* If you want to talk to a trained counsellor, call or text for free to 1737.

* www.stuff.co.nz/outofmymind

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“I remember the doctor saying to my parents: ‘Your son Egan? He's not coming home. He’s completely untreatable.’ The other thing I remember was the look in my parents’ eyes. It was the look of someone's hope dying.”

– Egan Bidois sees and hears unusual things even as a child, but in his teens the visions become intolerable, and his life changes course forever.

* Content warning: Strong language; discussion of suicide.

* If you want to talk to a trained counsellor, call or text for free to 1737.

* www.stuff.co.nz/outofmymind

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Coming soon: Stuff’s new podcast Out of My Mind is a series of true stories about mental health, told by the people who’ve been there.

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