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Pakistan's New Rollerblade Cops! (And Other CRIME News)
In France, an 88-year-old-man who was caught going 119 mph told officers that he was speeding to get to his vaccine appointment. In a related story, police in Hill Valley found a 119-year-old going 88 mph, with no vaccine appointment.
In Pakistan, police have a new tactic to chase down criminals on the street: in-line skates. Apparently, local criminals have found a new tactic to foil these rollerblade cops... pointing and laughing.
In South Africa, a woman was so pissed off about a supermarket's Covid masking rules, she whipped off her thong underwear and donned it as a face covering. Asked to comment, rapper Sisqo said "Your thong is so so wrong".
In Chicago, where carjackings are up 135%, state Democrat lawmaker Marcus C. Evans says the solution is to ban games like Grand Theft Auto, Next he says he plans to ban Mario kart to reduce street racing, and ban Tomb Raider to crack down on grave robbing. He might even ban Fortnite so these punk kids stop building all these goddamn forts!
In Cincinnati, a police dog discovered 44lbs of frosted flakes from South America where instead of sugar, the flakes were sprinkled in cocaine. Oh I'm getting an update: the police dog who found the cocaine is currently chasing his tail so fast he broke the sound barrier.
Finally, in Portland, a man pulled over for a DUI tested a .77 blood alcohol concentration, the highest ever recorded. Asked how much he had to drink that night, the man said "Just one beer... sorry, one *keg* of beer." The man's name? Jack Daniels.
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By Geoff PlittIn France, an 88-year-old-man who was caught going 119 mph told officers that he was speeding to get to his vaccine appointment. In a related story, police in Hill Valley found a 119-year-old going 88 mph, with no vaccine appointment.
In Pakistan, police have a new tactic to chase down criminals on the street: in-line skates. Apparently, local criminals have found a new tactic to foil these rollerblade cops... pointing and laughing.
In South Africa, a woman was so pissed off about a supermarket's Covid masking rules, she whipped off her thong underwear and donned it as a face covering. Asked to comment, rapper Sisqo said "Your thong is so so wrong".
In Chicago, where carjackings are up 135%, state Democrat lawmaker Marcus C. Evans says the solution is to ban games like Grand Theft Auto, Next he says he plans to ban Mario kart to reduce street racing, and ban Tomb Raider to crack down on grave robbing. He might even ban Fortnite so these punk kids stop building all these goddamn forts!
In Cincinnati, a police dog discovered 44lbs of frosted flakes from South America where instead of sugar, the flakes were sprinkled in cocaine. Oh I'm getting an update: the police dog who found the cocaine is currently chasing his tail so fast he broke the sound barrier.
Finally, in Portland, a man pulled over for a DUI tested a .77 blood alcohol concentration, the highest ever recorded. Asked how much he had to drink that night, the man said "Just one beer... sorry, one *keg* of beer." The man's name? Jack Daniels.