You’ve put on weight this past year. All that pandemic stress eating and boredom eating and having time to learn to bake and try out new recipes has you heading into the holiday season with your entire wardrobe snug. You’ve been living in sweatpants, but those are beginning to nip uncomfortably at your waist.

The holidays are different this year, of course. You buy loads of Halloween candy, but of course all of it is for you. Then because you see candy chutes online, you wonder if you might get trick-or-treaters after all, so you buy another load of candy. Of course, you never build a candy chute, and all the candy winds up in your belly again. Your sweatpants squeeze you harder.

Then comes Thanksgiving. You feel a bit sad at not going home to see your family this year, so you compensate by making a big spread of food, all the dishes you’re used to. After the family Zoom dinner, there’s no one there to comment about you taking another slice of pie or another dab of mashed potatoes. You had every intention of freezing some of the food, but it all winds up in your belly before the freezer ever has a chance to get involved. You wonder who ever decided sweatpants were comfortable.

The usual holiday parties and office cookies and snacks are cancelled this year, but that doesn’t stop you from exchanging recipes with some friends and making your own treats that you of course eat yourself. The end of the year is for snacking, anyway. You adjust the waistband of your sweatpants, trying in vain to find a way to wear them that doesn’t dig in.

Christmas is a repeat of Thanksgiving. You aren’t traveling this year. You make the Christmas dinner you’re used to. You eat it on Zoom. Your freezer never sees any of the food you made, but your belly sees every crumb. A pair of novelty socks are the only clothing item you receive that actually fit. Everything else is too small. Your sweatpants are also far too small.

On New Year’s Eve, you resolve to eat healthier and lose some weight this coming year. Then you consume a few hundred calories worth of booze and order new clothes online. Your new sweatpants have plenty of room. For now.

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