In Dessie Morgan’s pub, (Clone) Baldus infiltrates the humans by washing their feet. In the square outside, the sun rises on the Son of Baldy’s ultimate sacrifice. Dickus: Right. Here looks good. Right in the middle of the main square yeah? Maximum viewage! Spikus: It’s very exposed Dickus. Dickus: Like your ignorance Spikus! Foghornious: Here is a fine place to die. (Metal cage drops to ground) Bert: Hagh? Don’t look at me when you’re saying that. Dickus: We need to send out a signal to these humanses that they don’t just climb aboard our crafts, fly to our Savage Garden and make the Boghead angry! Bert: Anyway, I should be getting back to the factory. We’re near ready to run the first batch injection of Neozine. You know yourself… Baldy: Calm yourself my child.  Bert: Hah? Hagh… Foghornious: Human, you may return to usefulness and productivity at the injection centre. Bert: Yep! That’s right! But, eh, shouldn’t you just, hagh, square it with the boss first before I- Foghornious: Leave. Now. Bert: Yep, yep! Yes! I’m already not here. Thanks. Thanks. Thanks again. And may God… fuckin’ help yis. Baldy: My father awaits me. My journey to him is fearless. Go in peace Bert Kavanagh, for you are man. Bert: Better you than me in that cage. You can handle it. I’d have shit meself. All the best! Dickus: But how are you supposed to put it together? Spikus: It’s got two parts Dickus, this part higher up, I think. Dickus: We may raise it up on a mound or somethin’, so they all can get a good eyeful. Hey! Hey metaller! Where’s Bert Kavanagh headin’? Foghornious: I summoned him to return to work Overlord. Dickus: Eh… yeah… ok. Good thinkin’! Initiative. Like it. Right! We need- Spikus?! Spikus: Big beams of Earth Wood. Dickus: Should we put him in the cage on top of these beams of Earth Wood? Spikus: I don’t think so Dickus. Foghornious: Overlord. The human beast shall be suspended upon this organic intersection, his extremities punctured by wrought iron fasteners called ‘nails’, into the structure beneath. Dickus: Oooh, sounds good! Then what? We phaser the fuck out of him back into the gooey mess he was born from?  Foghornious: The human shall hang by nail upon this beam until life extinguishes. Dickus: Hardcore, I love that! (Cage rattles) Dickus: D’ya hear that Baldy ‘Starchild’? You going to your heaven, is going to be one hell of a show! Baldy: I forgive yis. Dickus: Yeah whatever. Foghornious: Entering Earth atmosphere. Understood. Proceed... Sean The Degus: (Piloting Clinkership) Yes Overlord… (Inside Dessie’s Pub) Imogen: AAAAAAAH! Arlee: Can someone shut her up! Jagger! Punch her in the face or something. Tucker: She’s goin’ to attract some attention. Clone Baldus: She is attempting communication, beyond this dimension… Jagger: Maybe it’s the Meemong. Arlee: Maybe Jagger. No working radios, she may improvise! Tucker: Has she made contact? Busher: Has me face moved? Jagger: Can’t see your moles for the big purple bruises Ned. Busher: I’m destroyed! Imogen: It is no use! They are too difficult to intercept. They cannot communicate by radio wave as we have no receiver. They cannot communicate through Busher’s face for, it is also broken. Busher: Stop sayin’ it! Imogen: But… There is one final way… Arlee: Tell us! Imogen: You must become naked and form a circle around Busher. Tucker: Naked? Jagger: Heeee, Yeh. Clone Baldus: We must proceed. This is the only way to contact them, to defeat the Soupalon. Busher: Form a circle around mae? What do I have to do? Imogen: Nothing, for you must be the receiver. Busher: Of what? Imogen: The Meemong formed successful symbiosis with us. Our moles, marks, erupting, reproducing, barely moving- Tucker: Naked yeah! We may not have Busher’s moley face but we have moles elsewhere! Imogen: The Meemong are inside all of us and can be released through your… (pause). Arlee: Our what? Tucker: Through our body moles of course! Imogen: No; through your- collective ejaculation. Arlee: Excuse me? Tucker: Hey? Busher: Fuck off peah! Imogen: It is the only way. To initiate the Meemong you must all ejaculate your semen onto Busher’s face. It will bring the moles back to life! Busher: Phwiizzz! Haha! No way! Mamaaaay! Ginger! Ginger: Moeeeowwww. (Clinkership begins to enter atmosphere) Jagger: What’s that noise lads? Clone Baldus: It is the Soupalon. Their ships. They are launching their Earth invasion. Tucker: They’ll find us soon enough. Lads, we have to do it. Imogen: The Meemong are our only hope. Busher: Peah NO!! Arlee: Grab him! Tie him to the chair! Tucker: Now! Busher: Ahhh! Get off me! Mammaay! Patrick! Cantona! Jagger: Use our belts… Here- Tucker: Yes! (Clinkership descends closer) Imogen: Hurry! Busher: Rapers! Rapers! Leave mae alone! Ahaahaha! Tickles! Ginger: Meeoow? Jagger: Imogen. Can, can I look at your face? I don’t think I could get the rise looking at Busher’s swollen gob. Imogen: Look at me. If you have to… Arlee: Fierce pressure. Tucker: To save the world! Nnnnggg! (Masturbation) Clone Baldus: Heheheh. Ah Baldy… Imogen: Harder! Faster! Jagger: Dirty bitch… come on, yeah! Wheeeeeezeeee! Busher: Don’t look Ginger, close your eyes. Arlee: Aim for the face, Tucker: Bastard… Arlee: Aim for the face- Imogen: Seed the world! Let them know it’s survival time! Come on! Jagger: Oh yeah, nearly there! Tucker: Sick… Arlee: His face Jagger! Busher: Please… peah… no…. Imogen: Yes! Oh my god yes! You fucking animals! Asshole fucking men! It’s a, it’s a… Panspermia! Tucker: Wh-what did you just- Imogen: Fuck you! Jagger: Huuuaaaarggh! Siiiiick! Tucker: Wait-Urrrnghf! Busher: Aaaah! Ahhhh! Ahhhh! Mnnggg! Arlee: Fuck! Busher! Comin’! Uuuughgh. Busher: Splaaa-aah! Imogen: Yes! Yes! Tucker: What did you just say? A ‘Pan Spermia’? Arlee: Anything happenin’ yet, with his face? Looks fucking sick though… Busher: F-f-f-f-sniff, waaaa… Bastards… (The Soupalon ‘Clinkership’ lands in Ratchly main square) An enthralling new ear-film audio adventure from the saintly sound designers at Amplevoicepod. PANSPERMIA II has our heroes Arlee, Jagger, Tucker and Busher escaping the Soupalon & their Savage Garden orb and have re-entered Earth, currently hiding out in Dessie Morgan’s pub on Ratchly town square. Deep breaths... The 'Son of Baldy' had been sent to guide our heroes but instead he has turned himself in to the Soupalon as an act of 'pure love' to save humanity. The Soupalon are confused by this behaviour. They had already engineered his body double, the one they called 'Baldus', to infiltrate the humans, by washing their feet inside the pub. So now, in the square outside the pub, Dickus Soupus, Soupalon High Commander, needs to make an example of the 'Son of Baldy' to show the humans that resistance is just not on. The sun is about to rise on the real Son of Baldy’s ultimate sacrifice. The only hope for our primitive band of humans is Imogen Telch, who wants to 'seed the world' with the power of the Meemong, calling upon these celestial beings to save Earth and destroy Soupalon. An intrinsically epic 96 minute sci-fi monster showcasing the creative brain of Amplevoicepod. It's new, it's fresh, it's original. Take a chance, lie back and enjoy it. Amplevoicepod make ear-film comedy drama adventures where we submerge your ears in a sea of sound, putting you at the heart of the story along with our heroes. Bursting out feature-length stories with over 40 titles and 50+ characters, all created from collaborative ideas and sculpted over months to arrive at the final mix. Panspermia I & II & III are a 4.5-hour sci-fi podcast series by Amplevoicepod divvied up into 12 storming sections for your delectation. If you like podcast stories with atmosphere, panic and stupidity, served in high resolution audio, where you can immerse yourself into another world (and who wouldn't these days hmm?) you may just get this. A prime feast of a podcast. Not quite the Adventures of Mr Benn but just as awesome.