Soupalon is not what the human resistance had expected. Welcomed by the holograph Orbit, informed of the 38% Oxygen, double Earth atmosphere, then greeted by 7-and-a-half foot tall Mox Faulder, the one-man Aliens Department, unfamiliar with the names of Baldy and The Meemong, and their claims the Savage Garden was destroyed. Answers are needed, a lot of them, including this one: Jagger: Eh, I’ve a question Mox, how did you learn our language? Mox: Aah, from those media transmissions of yours. I can show you. We’ve spent thousands of moon cycles invested in decoding and learning your languages well enough to be here with yis. Hope I’m doing ok! Jagger: I’m impressed Mox. Arlee: They prepared before they invaded us Jagger. Hardly did it on the off-chance that we’d show up here. Us the noggin’ will ya? Busher: Take us to your leader! Mox: I’m sorry, do you always gets enraged at the smallest thing. Are you insecure? Busher: Just do it roight?! Mox: Yeah yeah, all in good time. But you’ll need a good interpreter. If I wasn’t so overloaded with the abduction of our breeders, I swear I’d be your guy! I mean, you chaps are short, under-limbed, and maybe a little confused on account of the oxygen. Anyway, we’re here. Busher: No, no, no. NO! I’m alert. As sharp as a Man United shirt in 1993 and you- what’s THAT? Tucker: Fackin’, hah? Twisted. Mox: It’s the perimeter warning system, we’ve arrived at my compound. Jagger: It’s getting foggy. Is this normal?  Mox: Humans, humans, hu-mans! Come this way! (Entrance dematerialising) Tucker: That just disintegrated! Oh! Mox: Welcome to my MOXYPOD! That’s just the entrance, that’ll ‘reintegrate’ behind ya. Yeah, this is where I can spy on any off-worlders who would like to land and say hi. Jagger: There’re liquid screens?! Actual liquid! Wheeeze! Here, touch it Arlee, it’s sticky and warm. Arlee: I will not. Jagger: Like when I fingered Serena. Mox: Yunno, we’ve actually studied your history… You are technologically advanced enough to be a threat so we control our broadcasts to you. You are apex predators. We would expect anything and everything to be something you could figure out how use as a weapon against us. Tucker: Yeah, we did that, we knew how to defeat yis, that’s why we’re here to defeat you full time, end of story. Mox: Well, don't feel like you're going to have an easy time with us just because we might be nice. Our species are only restrained by their luxuries. One change, we kill you. Now with our breeders kidnapped and you arriving… Maybe you will end up infecting us with a disease that you’re immune to. And if you're lucky, we’ll be devastated and our civilization in utter chaos, making conquering quite easy. Good luck to just the four of yis. Busher: ‘Mox Faulder’. Are you related to Holtus P-P-P-Pox? Jagger: You alright Ned? Busher: Hah? Hah? Wah? Mox: No. His second title just rhymes with my first title. You’re not what I expected. I mean you are small and innocent looking. No blue boxes? Saucer-shaped cruisers? Giant Robots? Well-dressed men in sunglasses? Vigilantes in silver costumes who defy the laws of physics? I mean look at your transmissions. You guys are so familiar! I know I’ve seen you in one of these. Tucker: What’s that? Arlee: It looks like a huge Betamax. Mox: State of the art ‘100 long tape’. They hold 800 pluranuts of data! Arlee: That sounds dense. Mox: It stores holographic copies of your radio signals. We can extrapolate all 5 dimensions. Jagger: 5? Wheeze! Mox: Yeah, here it is. I knew you were familiar! Busher: Here, look at this! That’s us! Wait what? Fuck! Jagger: That’s me! Arlee: Doomwatch? Busher: That’s you in a skirt Tucker, you’re a woman! Tucker: Wot? That’s-how’s this even possible?   Mox: It’s you isn’t it? You are in many of the transmissions we get from Earth. Busher: This is not real. Cop on. Mox: If I can offer some advice. Don't move forward with your ‘invasion’ just yet. Get intel from the other alien empires in the galaxy, first. See how it all works. Tucker: ‘Other Alien Empires’? Busher: He maens the Meemong! He was lyin’, you’re a l-l-liar! You know the Meemong! Fuck fuck fuck fuck! Arlee: You alright Busher? Busher: Mamaaay! Cantona! Charts! Phwizzz! Mox: Hey, I don’t what or who these Meemong are, but if you say they sent you to wipe us out, then consider this, we think peace is better for business. Trade not invade! Much cheaper. Many planets practice slavery, they’d like your technology. Just remember to trade them your ‘televisions’ not your cloud bombs. Busher: Shite! Fuck! Peah! The Meemong DID send us, and we WILL wipe yis yis, yis, fuck! Out! Agh! Jagger: Calm down Ned. Tucker: What he means is, it’s payback mate! Mox: Ok, ok, I think your friend is hyperventilating. Busher: Users! Turncoats! Hang man! Meeeh, (slap) me head hurts. Peah, fuck! Peah, P-p-p-p-peah! Jagger: He’s been infected with Tourette’s syndrome. Arlee: Maybe his new fat body is rejectin’ his bald head. Busher: Mammay! Mox: Mm. You ARE committed. Maybe time to say hello to more of your future conquests and build goodwill and trust, that you can later betray yeah? Arlee: Ha. That makes sense actually. Mox: Steal specimens who either won't be missed or won't be reported missing. Hah? Arlee: Like whoever stole your breeders. Mox: Ah, but they ARE being missed, no, this is more of what I had in mind. Follow me.  Busher: It’s a trap, ungh! Tucker: Are you sure you’re ok Busha? Busher: Stop lookin’ at mae! Amplevoicepod make lovely sound-designed ear-film comedy drama adventures where we submerge your ears in a sea of sound, putting you at the heart of the story along with our heroes. Bursting out feature-length stories with over 40 titles and 50+ characters, all created from collaborative ideas and sculpted over months to arrive at the final mix. United Mutations I, II & III and Panspermia I & II & III are 8.5-hours of a sci-fi podcast series by Amplevoicepod divvied up into 12 storming sections for your delectation. If you like podcast stories with atmosphere, panic and stupidity, served in high resolution audio, where you can immerse yourself into another world (and who wouldn't these days hmm?) you may just get this. A prime feast of a podcast. Not quite ‘Battle of the Planets’ but just as awesome.