The death of James Dobson this week has revealed a level of vitriol against him that I did not know existed. The reaction seems to be primarily focused on his 1978 work, The Strong-Willed Child. It is easy to dismiss such criticisms as the bitterness of people who never truly embraced the faith, and that might be true in many cases. But a bit of self-examination in humility is also in order. I have seen parents misapply the Bible in their parenting, which can result in abusive behavior. I do not want to review Dobson’s book right now, but I do want to acknowledge this parenting danger.

The problem is seeking the illusion of control. The balance is parenting in faithful obedience, trusting the Spirit of God to work in the heart of your child.

My wife and I raised five children. We are by no means perfect parents. One of those children would have clearly been categorized as a strong-willed child in the Dobson nomenclature. This child was unusually mentally committed to getting exactly what he wanted and willing to endure significant discomfort and pain in the process. I learned quickly that if I continued to escalate physical discipline to get conformity (much less submission), I would go beyond biblical parenting to abuse. This became a real test of faith for us. Here is what we learned.

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