Most people know someone who is referred to as having passive-aggressive behaviour, but what does it mean and what negative effects can it have on our relationships? John explains why so many people resort to passive aggression, how it is utilised and how you can identify and address your own behaviour. 

KEY TAKEAWAYS

• Passive Aggression can be defined as ‘sugar-coated hostility’. It is aggression presented in a passive way which makes it easily missed, difficult to define and easily denied if pointed out. 
• Passive Aggressive people take advantage of the behaviour’s plausible deniability, direct aggression is very much more quantifiable by the target whereas passive aggression always has the option of ‘that’s not what I meant’.  
• Look out for sulking and silent treatment, very common behaviours in someone who employs passive aggression. Huffing, sighing, tutting and slamming doors are also ways of expressing aggression without actually addressing the issue.
• Do you find yourself avoiding people that you’re upset with? Do you punish others by putting things off, turning up late or just not doing things? Then you may have passive-aggressive traits. 

BEST MOMENTS

‘Passive-aggressive behaviour is a pattern of expressing negative feelings indirectly instead of addressing them openly.’ 

‘It’s not, in itself, a mental illness but gets people’s needs met in a maladaptive way.’ 

‘They may use sarcasm, or ‘banter’. I personally very much dislike the word ‘banter’ as to me it always seems  to mean ‘I’m insulting you or being rude, but I’m only joking.’ 

‘Bearing a grudge is a common passive aggressive trait.’ 

‘Recognising your own behaviours is the first step to change but give yourself some time to implement the changes as you are likely to meet some resistance within you when you do so.’  

VALUABLE RESOURCES

Links: www.johnkennycoaching.com

The Bicycle Affect: https://youtu.be/oO7XZGvdWno

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ABOUT THE HOST

I am John Kenny, Award Winning Relationship Coach.

Coaching people to experience healthy loving relationships. Having spent a life choosing unhealthy relationships and self sabotaging my own success, I now coach people to live a life they choose.

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