Paul Has Fun by Paul V Perez

April 30, 2024 9 Lessons Learned in 2023-Dating, Diet, Self-Improvement & More

I reviewed my journal notes from 2023; these were nine of my biggest lessons from last year.

Sugar dating is an expensive alternative to seeing sex workers.

I've been seeing sex workers for 6-8 years now, and it was getting old. I met someone in 2023 and wanted to date them seriously, but they didn't in return; I took that as a challenge and looked into sugar dating. I've been doing so since October and learned a lot since then. Now, I have sugar babies and sex workers in my regular rotation. There are growing pains in maintaining this, but I do like the variety.

Regular dating sites are a waste of time.

I've used dating sites and had some success, but it took time, patience, and messaging other members before meeting someone in real life. When I started sugar dating in October, I signed up and paid a month's subscription to a regular dating site(along with a sugar dating site). Conversations would begin after messaging several people, or they would contact me, but I would eventually get ghosted. Ghosting also happens on the sugar dating sites, but there's often a new person showing interest. The regular dating site was a desert wasteland with little interaction. The results I got in the 30 days when comparing the two were eye-opening. I won't be using regular dating sites for the foreseeable future.

Urges for destructive behaviors come in waves; your mind is not your identity.

For years, I've used sex, food, and TV to cope with negative feelings and boredom. Urges arise to indulge in one of these activities; I commit, feel the instant pleasure from doing so, but feel terrible after. I thought it was hopeless to change this pattern because this was who I thought I was. Listening to the Porn Reboot podcast, I learned that my thoughts and my urges are not my identity. I programmed myself this way. Urges are waves; they crest and trough. They pass. What do I do now when those strong urges emerge?

Have an awareness and self-dialogue on your urges and reasons why you choose to distract yourself.

Another lesson from the Porn Reboot podcast; self-dialoguing when those urges come up. Have the awareness to verbalize the series of events that led to wanting to act out with this behavior(food, sex, overabundance of TV and video games). This technique has helped 'walk me off the ledge' multiple times. The hope is to build the habit of doing this process every time I want to self-medicate and sit with those negative feelings. They do pass.

Scheduling and following through builds confidence, self-discipline, and capital.

This lesson I formed from listening to Ed Mylett's and, once again, the Porn Reboot podcast. I've heard Ed Mylett talk about how doing what you say you will do builds confidence. I started making a to-do list for daily activities and tried to get as much done as possible. In turn, these actions raise my confidence and build capital. What is capital? When those urges arise, I use my to-do list, which I've completed/mostly completed, to show myself, 'Look at all these good things I've done today. Things I said I would do, and I did them.' These good things build capital to fight urges for bad behaviors. These good things include self-care, such as eating healthfully, getting to bed on time, and getting to the gym. Doing something creative, and so on. It's not perfect and doesn't always work, but this method of building capital to quell my urges has helped me.

Follow advice from doctors and scientists, not influencers.

In 2023, I flip-flopped between a carnivore and vegan diet due to advice from influencers. Their stories are valid because they got the results they were looking for. But doctors and scientists have proven results from studies. Information can change, and doctors and scientists aren't always right. I go the vegan route because I want to prevent a heart attack and/or stroke. My father, in the last few years of his life, had multiple strokes and stents put in his heart valves. Listening to the Carnivore influencers, by choice, hearing that 'cholesterol doesn't cause heart disease,' I thought, yes, let's have some meat, cheese, bacon, butter. But this only increased my cholesterol and weight. I bought these groceries only to eat those foods for two to three days and give the rest away. I did that so many times in 2023, losing money weekly. I eventually doubled down on the vegan diet. I also lost some extra weight and learned new vegan recipes. So many people are currently on a vegan diet, and eating this way has become much more accessible than when I started years ago.

Slower reps with weight training and small extra exercises added to my morning routine to keep me strong as I age.

In my regular gym near my job, I noticed the personal trainers grifting the gym members looking for new clients to sell their training services. One approached me while working on a rear fly machine and told me to do slower reps for better results. I've started doing this with all my workouts. I don't look bigger, but I feel stronger. Another exercise addition to my routine is a small set of squats, push-ups, pull-ups, tricep dips, and leg raises to my morning routine. Just reps of 10 each. I want to habituate these small, quick exercises to strengthen myself as I age. I learned this from an interview I watched with 57-year-old Dr. Bascom on the Vegan Gym channel. She gave an example of squats, such as standing up from chairs, beds, and seats, and how all these activities require our legs, knees, and hips. Squats can help keep these areas strong.

Most times, people want their version of help rather than yours.

Working at the front desk of a few NYC hotels for several years, I remember getting frustrated with guests when I offered them help(within the hotel parameters)with their issue, and their becoming even more unhappy with my solution. When I reflect back, I didn't, at moments, take the time to listen to what the customers were saying. I could've made their experience better by resolving their problem with part their wants and the within the hotel rules. It's a basic but worthwhile lesson that can be applied to everyday sales and relationships.

Calorie density is a great way to lose weight without counting calories.

I discovered Calorie Density When I expanded my knowledge of the vegan diet in 2023. Calorie Density can help with weight loss as one can pile on foods with little to no fat and eat until satisfied. Several vegan YouTube channels give an example: half of one's dinner plate can contain fruits and veggies, and the other half can contain rice, beans, and potatoes. You can eat multiple plates of this food and gain very little weight. Lessening the consumption of higher-calorie foods, such as avocados, nuts, and oils, is advised, as these foods would make you gain weight. On the carnivore diet, I got up to 155-158 lbs. I'm between 143 and 148 lbs on this calorie-density diet, which works for me.

These are my nine lessons from 2023. Thoughts, comments, do so below. Thanks for reading.

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