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“People Do Business With People They Like” (EP.78)
Summary
“People do business with people they like.” Simple truth. And a double-edged sword. Here are two helpful corollary quotes. “People like people who are like themselves.” Tie that to the first quote, and you see that people see themselves belonging to defined affinity groups, and gravitate toward other members of those groups. Now for the third quote, “We are all like each other in many important ways.” All. Of. Us. Give me less than ten minutes, and we’ll unpack this in a way that will be useful to you. (And, yes, I am quoting myself in this podcast.)
Transcript
“People do business with people they like.” Simple truth. And a double-edged sword. Here are two helpful corollary quotes. “People like people who are like themselves.” Tie that to the first quote, and you see that people see themselves belonging to defined affinity groups, and gravitate toward other members of those groups. Now for the third quote, “We are all like each other in many important ways.” All. Of. Us. Give me less than ten minutes, and we’ll unpack this in a way that will be useful to you. (And, yes, I am quoting myself in this podcast.)
Take these three observations, and you have a roadmap for success. Let’s look at each of the three steps:
“People do business with people they like.” Be likable because it is true that people do business with people they like. By “business” I mean any kind of transaction, not just cash in exchange for a product or services. Any human transaction or exchange.
“People like people who are like themselves.” This is the first clue to how to be likeable--assuming that you already know that being rude or antagonistic are both “being likable” knockouts. So, you might ask, what if it is not obvious that we are alike? Answer, we are all more alike than we are different. Yes, all of us.
Take a look at the above drawing; there are two messages here: 1. We have more in common with each other than we have differences and 2. By working together, by using each other’s strengths to makeup for our weaknesses, the whole is far greater than the sum of its parts.
“We are all like each other in many important ways.” Look for the common ground with the other person(s), the areas that we are alike. We all share our humanity, and on top of that we all share a gold mine of similarities; shared geography, what we like, what we don’t like, pets and hobbies, ambitions, fears--the list is literally endless. The key to uncovering these similarities, these connections, because that’s what they are, is to ask open ended questions. And keep asking. People do love to talk about themselves. There is a second key here (but Will, I thought you said there was one key), is to actually care about the other person as you are asking questions and looking to discover connections. This podcast is not an exercise in manipulation, this is an exercise in connecting. This “second” key is fundamental to everything in life. The first key that I spoke about is specific to what we are talking about today.
Learn these skills, practice them often, and use them to your advantage, and to benefit all those around you.
These are tools; use them well.
But, Will, what if I don’t like that other person, what do I do then? Let’s look at a Lincoln quote, “I don’t like that man. I must get to know him better.” -Abraham Lincoln, 16th President of the United States. Stunning. For many of us, if we don’t like someone the impulse is to avoid them whenever possible, and, perhaps, to criticize them we are not around them. The last thing we want to do is connect with them. Not Abe; he seemed to understand that if he got to know the other person better, that he could find things to like--perhaps even admire. Seems like he had his own version of these three steps.
Earlier we talked about how this podcast is not ...
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By Will LudenSummary
“People do business with people they like.” Simple truth. And a double-edged sword. Here are two helpful corollary quotes. “People like people who are like themselves.” Tie that to the first quote, and you see that people see themselves belonging to defined affinity groups, and gravitate toward other members of those groups. Now for the third quote, “We are all like each other in many important ways.” All. Of. Us. Give me less than ten minutes, and we’ll unpack this in a way that will be useful to you. (And, yes, I am quoting myself in this podcast.)
Transcript
“People do business with people they like.” Simple truth. And a double-edged sword. Here are two helpful corollary quotes. “People like people who are like themselves.” Tie that to the first quote, and you see that people see themselves belonging to defined affinity groups, and gravitate toward other members of those groups. Now for the third quote, “We are all like each other in many important ways.” All. Of. Us. Give me less than ten minutes, and we’ll unpack this in a way that will be useful to you. (And, yes, I am quoting myself in this podcast.)
Take these three observations, and you have a roadmap for success. Let’s look at each of the three steps:
“People do business with people they like.” Be likable because it is true that people do business with people they like. By “business” I mean any kind of transaction, not just cash in exchange for a product or services. Any human transaction or exchange.
“People like people who are like themselves.” This is the first clue to how to be likeable--assuming that you already know that being rude or antagonistic are both “being likable” knockouts. So, you might ask, what if it is not obvious that we are alike? Answer, we are all more alike than we are different. Yes, all of us.
Take a look at the above drawing; there are two messages here: 1. We have more in common with each other than we have differences and 2. By working together, by using each other’s strengths to makeup for our weaknesses, the whole is far greater than the sum of its parts.
“We are all like each other in many important ways.” Look for the common ground with the other person(s), the areas that we are alike. We all share our humanity, and on top of that we all share a gold mine of similarities; shared geography, what we like, what we don’t like, pets and hobbies, ambitions, fears--the list is literally endless. The key to uncovering these similarities, these connections, because that’s what they are, is to ask open ended questions. And keep asking. People do love to talk about themselves. There is a second key here (but Will, I thought you said there was one key), is to actually care about the other person as you are asking questions and looking to discover connections. This podcast is not an exercise in manipulation, this is an exercise in connecting. This “second” key is fundamental to everything in life. The first key that I spoke about is specific to what we are talking about today.
Learn these skills, practice them often, and use them to your advantage, and to benefit all those around you.
These are tools; use them well.
But, Will, what if I don’t like that other person, what do I do then? Let’s look at a Lincoln quote, “I don’t like that man. I must get to know him better.” -Abraham Lincoln, 16th President of the United States. Stunning. For many of us, if we don’t like someone the impulse is to avoid them whenever possible, and, perhaps, to criticize them we are not around them. The last thing we want to do is connect with them. Not Abe; he seemed to understand that if he got to know the other person better, that he could find things to like--perhaps even admire. Seems like he had his own version of these three steps.
Earlier we talked about how this podcast is not ...