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Percy the Pigeon Who Flew Straight Up
Please vote for “A Bedtime Story” for Volume One’s Best Local Podcast!
Visit the “A Bedtime Story” show website to submit your story ideas for a future episode!
Percy was not just any pigeon; he considered himself an elite aerial courier, a highly trained avian professional. The only problem was, Percy was pathologically incapable of flying horizontally. If he was told to go north, he went straight up until he hit the cold, then came straight down three blocks over. If he aimed west, he launched himself into the stratosphere and landed somewhere near a fire hydrant.
One day, Percy received the most important assignment of his career: delivering a tiny, top-secret scroll from the Grand Duke of Downtown to the Countess of the Courthouse. The journey was exactly six city blocks straight west.
Percy puffed out his chest and took the small scroll tied neatly to his leg. "A simple mission for a master pilot!" he cooed to his worried co-worker, Dolores.
Dolores checked her compass. "Percy, remember, west. Not 'into the weather balloon zone,' just west."
"Nonsense! I shall employ the 'Vertical Velocity Variation Technique'!" Percy shouted, which was just a fancy term for flying straight up.
He launched himself into the sky. Up, up, up he went, past the tallest skyscrapers, past the small, buzzing drones, until the world looked like a tiny tiled chessboard below.
"Now for the landing!" Percy yelled against the rush of wind. He tucked his wings and plummeted. He closed his eyes, expecting the smooth landing near the Countess’s window sill.
THUMP!
Percy opened his eyes. He was sitting perfectly still, but not on a window sill. He was inside an open chimney flue, covered head-to-toe in black soot, holding the scroll. He was six blocks west, but he had achieved it by flying vertically and falling exactly six blocks away from his launch point.
Suddenly, a voice echoed down the flue. "My word! It's raining chimney sweeps! And one of them has a letter!"
The Countess, who had a peculiar fondness for messy surprises, hauled Percy out, soot and all. She read the scroll, chuckled, and handed Percy a small, crumbly cheese snack. Percy, still entirely black, decided that even though he was a terrible pilot, his 'Vertical Velocity Variation Technique' was clearly a genius strategy for difficult deliveries. He just needed to invest in a tiny pair of goggles.
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By Matthew MitchellPlease vote for “A Bedtime Story” for Volume One’s Best Local Podcast!
Visit the “A Bedtime Story” show website to submit your story ideas for a future episode!
Percy was not just any pigeon; he considered himself an elite aerial courier, a highly trained avian professional. The only problem was, Percy was pathologically incapable of flying horizontally. If he was told to go north, he went straight up until he hit the cold, then came straight down three blocks over. If he aimed west, he launched himself into the stratosphere and landed somewhere near a fire hydrant.
One day, Percy received the most important assignment of his career: delivering a tiny, top-secret scroll from the Grand Duke of Downtown to the Countess of the Courthouse. The journey was exactly six city blocks straight west.
Percy puffed out his chest and took the small scroll tied neatly to his leg. "A simple mission for a master pilot!" he cooed to his worried co-worker, Dolores.
Dolores checked her compass. "Percy, remember, west. Not 'into the weather balloon zone,' just west."
"Nonsense! I shall employ the 'Vertical Velocity Variation Technique'!" Percy shouted, which was just a fancy term for flying straight up.
He launched himself into the sky. Up, up, up he went, past the tallest skyscrapers, past the small, buzzing drones, until the world looked like a tiny tiled chessboard below.
"Now for the landing!" Percy yelled against the rush of wind. He tucked his wings and plummeted. He closed his eyes, expecting the smooth landing near the Countess’s window sill.
THUMP!
Percy opened his eyes. He was sitting perfectly still, but not on a window sill. He was inside an open chimney flue, covered head-to-toe in black soot, holding the scroll. He was six blocks west, but he had achieved it by flying vertically and falling exactly six blocks away from his launch point.
Suddenly, a voice echoed down the flue. "My word! It's raining chimney sweeps! And one of them has a letter!"
The Countess, who had a peculiar fondness for messy surprises, hauled Percy out, soot and all. She read the scroll, chuckled, and handed Percy a small, crumbly cheese snack. Percy, still entirely black, decided that even though he was a terrible pilot, his 'Vertical Velocity Variation Technique' was clearly a genius strategy for difficult deliveries. He just needed to invest in a tiny pair of goggles.