Every situation you experience is for healing. You are accustomed to putting other goals first. You are accustomed to believing that it is you, separately, who achieves or doesn’t achieve these goals. You are accustomed to believing that it is you, separately, who controls the steps on the way to the goal perceived. Whether the goal seems to be cleaning a bathtub or making someone feel loved, you believe you are in charge. This separate sense of you-ness is pain (and also pleasure), but there is a belief in place that it is necessary to cling to it and to control it in order to bring rewards that will make life tolerable.