One of the most frustrating parts of perimenopause for me has been memory. I’ll literally walk into a room and have no idea why I’m there. That’s always happened to me to a certain degree — my brain moves fast, I think quickly, and that’s something people either love or hate about me. But this feels different. This is a whole other level.

Lately, it feels like I can’t access old memories as easily. My long-term memory feels sketchy, and I don’t know if or when that changes. I know a lot of women experience this, but it’s still incredibly frustrating. Honestly, this might be the part of perimenopause that makes me feel the most insane — the memory issues and the brain fog. Those two things can really mess with you because they make you question yourself. And that’s scary.

There are times when I feel genuinely fearful about how out of it I feel. I just want to say this out loud: it’s normal. But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t suck.

When it comes to memory and brain fog, there are so many things we’re told to do — omega-3s, B12, iron, hormones, estrogen, progesterone, supplements on supplements. At this point, I feel like I have supplement fatigue. I don’t even know if that’s a real term, but it feels real to me.

I do know that some basics make a difference. Vitamin D helps. B12 shots help. Sublingual B12 helps. Liquid iron helps. Those foundational things absolutely matter. But beyond that, I honestly don’t know. There are millions of supplements out there, and I question whether most of them truly make a meaningful difference for everything we’re dealing with in perimenopause — or if it really comes down to hormone replacement therapy.

I’d love to hear other women’s experiences, because when I talk to women around my age — a little younger, a little older — very few are actually educated about perimenopause and everything that comes with it. And that’s incredibly frustrating.

So many symptoms get misinterpreted. Anxiety, for example. I have a close friend going through this right now with intense anxiety and what I call health anxiety. Women, in particular, experience this a lot. And so often, it’s hormonal. When your hormones are out of balance, anxiety can come rushing in.

When we don’t talk about it, we assume, “It’s just me,” or “I just have anxiety.” I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder at 18 — and it turned out to be my thyroid. Looking back on my life, every period where I experienced anxiety or panic attacks has always traced back to hormones being out of balance — thyroid hormones, estrogen, progesterone, iron levels. Low iron alone can send anxiety through the roof.

Anxiety isn’t a normal state. Neither is depression. Your body is communicating that something needs attention.

For me, memory issues are worse at certain points in my cycle. That pattern is very clear now. And when women talk to me about anxiety that feels like it comes out of nowhere — especially when life is generally okay — I always say: get your hormones checked. Even if life isn’t okay, still get them checked.

As for supplements, I’m still undecided. The basics matter, but beyond that, I’m not convinced. I keep coming back to hormone replacement therapy as the thing that actually makes a tangible difference — maybe not for everyone, but for many of us.

Perimenopause is not just hot flashes and mood swings. That’s how it was explained to us, and it’s wildly inaccurate. It’s so much more than that.

One example for me was joint pain. I struggled with really painful joints until my estrogen was adjusted. I’m currently at a pump and a half, which feels like my sweet spot. And the joint pain is gone. Completely. Zero.

It takes time to dial things in, but I’m incredibly grateful. Because being in pain, forgetting things, feeling grumpy, and feeling sad all at once is just too much.

I hope this helps. And if you forget to listen — well, I guess that’s on theme.