Why does someone else's success sometimes feel painful?
Why do envy and jealousy seem to appear before we even have time to think?
And what if these emotions aren't signs that something is wrong with us—but ancient survival mechanisms designed to keep us connected?
In this episode of Perspective Shifts for Healing with The Hanged Woman, host Julienne Irons sits down with physician and neuroscience expert Dr. D'Marti Burgos to explore the fascinating science behind comparison, envy, jealousy, belonging, and self-compassion.
Together, they unpack why social rejection activates the same brain regions as physical pain, how comparison shaped human evolution, why social media amplifies our stress response, and how understanding what's happening in the brain can help us respond with curiosity instead of shame.
If you've ever wondered why comparison feels so automatic—or how to stop getting stuck in it—this episode offers one of the most practical scientific explanations you'll hear.
In this episode, we discuss:
Why envy and jealousy evolved to help us survive
The surprising purpose behind comparison
Upward vs. downward comparison
How social media changes the way our brains compare
Why social rejection literally hurts
The neuroscience behind schadenfreude
Benign envy vs. malicious envy
Why chronic comparison rewires the brain
Practical ways to interrupt comparison loops
How gratitude, mindfulness, self-compassion, and community reshape our nervous systems
Timestamps
00:00 Welcome and Setup
01:14 Branding Agency Break
02:13 Why Envy and Jealousy Exist
03:53 Jealousy as a Survival Mechanism
06:07 Envy and Self-Improvement
06:41 What Happens in the Brain During Comparison
07:08 The Hidden Danger of Downward Comparison
10:07 Humanizing the "Out Group"
12:42 Why Upward Comparison Hurts
15:20 How Authenticity Closes the Comparison Gap
16:18 Why Humans Naturally Compare
17:19 Comparison, Evolution & Belonging
20:01 Why We Compare Ourselves to Similar People
22:20 The iPhone Example: Social Belonging in Action
24:10 The Three-Step Brain Response to Envy
25:42 Why Envy Feels Like Physical Pain
26:48 Healing After Loss Sponsor Break
27:48 Branding Perspective Shift
28:27 The Neuroscience of Schadenfreude
30:52 Guilt, Shame & Automatic Reactions
32:43 Benign vs. Malicious Envy
37:40 How Chronic Comparison Rewires the Brain
40:21 Evidence-Based Ways to Interrupt Comparison
42:53 Gratitude, Meditation & Self-Compassion
46:23 Why Social Connection Is the Antidote
47:56 Final Perspective Shift & Closing Thoughts
🤳🏽 Connect with us
Instagram: @3ofCupsHealing
Website: 3ofcupshealing.com
✨ Learn more about 3 of Cups Heart-Centered Marketing 👉🏽
https://www.3ofcupshealing.com/
✨ Learn more about our Healing After Loss course 👉🏽
https://www.3ofcupshealing.com/halcourse
🙌🏽 Connect with Dr. D’Marti Burgos here
Website: www.Dmartiburgos.com
Instagram: @dr.curlz
Email: [email protected]
https://www.youtube.com/@dmartiburgos