Today’s episode kicks off with me staring out the window at a gentle snowfall—gentle like a murderer whispering “don’t worry about it” while they drag a body. And suddenly I’m questioning whether snow can “cascade.” So naturally, I look it up, learn nothing helpful, and immediately demand the government chemtrail the sky so I can finish renovating my house before I freeze to death.

Then we dive headfirst into Gremlins, the most deranged PG “kids movie” ever made. I unpack Spielberg’s long history of unleashing horror on unsuspecting children, why E.T. deserved to get butter-knife-shanked, and how Gremlins casually includes the most traumatic Santa story of all time.

From there it spirals—as it should—into the great tragedy of our age: ads are everywhere, authenticity is dead, and even YouTube interviews feel like being held hostage at QVC.

Finally, we roll into WalletHub’s ranking of America’s Top 5 Most Sinful Cities, discover Houston is apparently a war zone, and confirm that Omaha is… tired. Just a tired little carb-loaded Midwestern town.

It’s chaos. It’s therapy. It’s December 1st.

Ho ho ho.

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